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OK, this happens to me EVERY time I take my dog for a walk. Don't know why, don't understand it, but it happens EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME!

I went running today - 5K, 30 minutes - acceptable to me in my old age. So, I decide to take the dog for a walk during my cool-down.

Now understand that the dog (see picture) has been outside in the backyard all morning. She's already peed and pooped - I can see the steaming evidence right there in front of my orange tree.

So I call her,  "Let's go for a walk - get your leash!", she comes running, goes over to the front door, grabs the leash, and we're off.

We aren't even half a block from the house when she decides to take a massive dump!!!!

Geezus!!!

Like I said, this happens every time!!!

I think dogs have an extra organ in their body, just to make poop on demand when they go on walks. Probably some Darwinian, evolutionary development as they became domesticated!

Just to show their "owners" who really is in charge.

I feel old today. Out of place. A relic.

Went to hear a Beatles tribute band last night and I felt way out of place. I'm old enuf to remember the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. I don't think any of the 20 and 30 somethings there ever even saw the Beatles.

I'm told I look younger than I am, but, the fact is, I'm way older than most of those who say that.

I'm not as old as some, but older than others. I'm old news to some, new news to others.

Old............. and bald!

I think I wouldn't mind being old so much, if I wasn't bald.

Gee, I miss having hair on top of my head.

I wear baseball caps a lot. Some people get surprised when I take it off.

I hate being bald.

I hate being old.

I guess things could be worse - I could be old and bald in Bakersfield...... er, uh, wait...

Anyway, here's a link to something I didn't think I'd EVER see:

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

OK - this is a rant of two (2) parts:

1. Isn't there anywhere in this town that one can find plain, old fashioned sweat pants for kids?

2. The folks who manage the Valley Plaza Mall must enjoy driving people crazy with their directories/maps that don't show the correct locations of the stores in the mall.

Details:

My 14 year old, who's on the small side, said she needs new sweat pants for P.E. class. I tell her, geez, last summer I spent weeks shopping in this town for kids sweat pants - the ONLY store that had them (and this includes ALL of the so-called sporting goods stores that are supposed to have everything - was Kids Foot Locker in the Valley Plaza Mall. Can't she just wear her PE shorts, that I spent $25 on, since the weather is warm again, so I dont have to spend $4/gal gas driving all that way?

"No, Dad, I have to have sweat pants!"

So we hop in the car and drive from Rosedale to the mall. (Note - the frustration of this story is closely linked to part 2 above.)

So we get to the mall,  but unbeknownst to me, the Kids Foot Locker, which was right next to the Lady Foot Locker when I bought the pants last summer, wasn't where I remembered it.

So I walked almost the entire length of the mall in the opposite direction looking for it. One of the clerks in those kiosks overheard me muttering and told me it was back in the opposite direction from whence I came.

I don't believe her, so I continue walking toward Sears where I know there is a map directory. I look at it, and sure enough, it tells me The Lady Foot Locker and the Kids Foot Locker are right where the clerk in the Kiosk told me they were. So I turn around (with my teenager who is now screaming bloody murder about her feet hurting) and go back to near where I was, almost all the way to Macy's. Still no Lady Foot Locker. The space where it was supposed to be is all boarded up. Looks like a new store is being built.

So, I'm fuming now. I notice the regular Foot Locker is just across the aisle. I go into that store and ask a clerk - "What happened to the Lady Foot Locker?" So he tells me, "Oh they moved it all the way across the mall. Just go to Sears and hang a left. "

Geezuz!

So I head off across the mall again. Meanwhile, my kid has had enough. Starts screaming at me that her feet hurt and refuses to go any further. I say ok - just let me go get these damn pants.

So I go all the way back past Sears, find the Lady Foot Locker, BUT, UNLIKE BEFORE, THE KIDS FOOT LOCKER ISN'T NEXT TO IT!!! WTF!?!?!?!?!

So I ask this clerk, "Where's the Kids Foot Locker?" He says, "Oh, they moved it. It's all the way across the mall, past Macy's, where Spencer's Gift Shop used to be."

I SUDDENLY REALIZE I MUST HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP AND WOKE UP TO FIND MYSELF IN A MARX BROTHERS MOVIE!!!

I start cussing and swearing about walking back and forth across the mall 4 times and everyone in the store looks at me like I'm a crazy man.

So I walk all the way back across the mall, finally find the Kids Foot Locker.

Lo and behold, the sales clerk said they don't have kids sweat pants anymore - they shipped them all out. But would I be interested in some fancy and expensive Underarmour athletic pants?

Geezuz, wtf!!!!! All I want is some plain ol' sweat pants!!!!! How hard can it possibly be to find plain ol' sweat pants for kids in this town!!! I just walked 10 miles back and forth across the mall!!! This is not the answer I want!!!

 I can't believe it. I looked around for hidden cameras to see if I was on Candid Camera or something similar.

So, I go walking out of the store and back across the mall trying to find my kid. I finally track her down. I tell her I can't find sweat pants anywhere. She goes, "That's ok Dad, I can always wear shorts."

I almost strangled her!!

Ok - I haven't gotten p.o.'d about anything in awhile, but, last night I did.

Decided I needed some new threads, maybe some flashy ones, certainly some good looking ones. And there were sales going on. And I'm getting a big tax refund.

So, I go to Valley Plaza mall. I don't remember if it was in Penney's or Macy's (probably Penny's), but, I'm looking at some Claiborne shirts, some other expensive name brands. I find a couple I like, but, what I really wanted was something in red, short sleeves. I dunno, I look good in red.

So I look aroud, and then I spy the perfect shirt. It was calling my name. So, I go over to see if it's in my size.

But, hey, wait - I cant tell if it's in my size. More importantly, I can't even take it down off the frigging rack! Seems the geniuses at this store thought hanging clothes on racks 12  FEET ABOVE THE FRIGGING FLOOR will encourage people to buy more clothes!!!!

Geezuz - I looked around for a sales associate, a chair to stand on, a basketball player - NOTHING!

How in the frigging crap is anyone supposed to buy any of these shirts if you have to be taller than Shaquille O'Neal to take them down off of the rack?

What's wrong with these people? Does no one have any common sense anymore?