We all like to pretend we know Love.  We all like to tell ourselves that, once we encounter whatever fantastical notion of 'Love' we have constructed while delusional or high, it will be undeniable and we will walk smiling with it forever until the credits roll.  We also like to pretend that once we have found that love, we will coax our lover into our arms through suave and enticing bravura.  And maybe that is a reality for some people but I, however, have never witnessed such an unfolding occur; at least not in any classifiable sense of 'suave'.  You stumble about through a variation of relationships mistaking love for Love.  Then you finally realize: Love is hard.  It is just as thrilling and fun. I have always enjoyed the venture of trying to create moments that I can look back on and place some Barry White music over.  Still though, it is challenging, especially when it comes to being creative with the person of your affection while trying to avoid looking like a moron.  In the end you realize that no matter how hard you try, you are no George Clooney.

I have known Love but it has never been my friend, at least not a very hospitable friend.  Rather, it has been more of the friend who likes to inflate you with all sorts of confidence only to step just out of center-scene, waiting for you to trip over the stage wiring it placed in your way.  Love knew it was there all along too, don't pretend it didn't.  Still, we propel ourselves time and time again into its suffocating influence and never truly quit believing that the images we create in mind can manifest in reality.  There is a constant struggle once you realize that you are in Love that almost makes you want to laugh and vomit at the same time.  Then again, who has fallen victim to this curious affair and not rolled through it like an awkward Rollerama 'couples-only' session?  Unfortunately, behind the awkward grazing of your novia's (or novio's) hand, it becomes clear that there is a lot more to learn than can be picked up from a Lifetime movie marathon or Maxim column (apparently there is a lot more to it than bathing in Axe body spray). 

The faltered attempts at being creative and romantic constantly reveal to you just how bad you are at the whole game.  What starts off as a modest attempt at creativity and token of affection - like a lunch by the river side - never fails to end in far short of what you had intended to make of it - like in bug bites and a peculiar fear of bats.  And no matter how many times you try to explain just how you feel, there is always one piece in your tangled mess of words that becomes the choice selection for the other's analysis.  What you had intended as complete and utter flattery will be taken as veiled suggestion of your insincerity or criticism of the one whom you do nothing but adore.

It is a dangerous endeavor to try and be romantic.  No matter how many times you try to create the perfect ambiance to unleash your repertoire of sopping romantic tendencies, there will always happen something that ruins it.  What you get in romance films is a million scattered attempts at idealistic courtships collaborated into one story which polishes the ending over to appease audiences.  What you get in reality are moments of romantic triumph that are few and far between.  They always show the moment where a man stands before his Love and honesty spills from his mouth in the form of "The way the moonlight draped over your face through the cracks in the blinds made me believe in angels."  They never show the intent becoming obscured and turned into a form of "He doesn't apparently care about me that much."  And those smooth words that the visage of your Love evokes always seem to stumble out of your mouth rather than flow.  In those rare instances where the execution is flawless and the electricity in the air is damn near visible, it feels good to revel in it.  Ultimately though, it is in the moments of awkward expression that the most honest Love will flourish.

For the sake of something different.  A sort of 'stream of consciousness' piece I wrote, elements of fiction and non.  Good luck sorting through it. 

Amatory Respiration

She walked into the light one day wearing fables in her hair.
And without hesitation, through a timid smile and a distant stare, made a point of shadowing the worst of traitors.
And he took to her and grew fond of the way her fashion exhaled through tight lipped transmigration across soul and through six different realms.
Like ashes follow a fire, so she followed the glow of a prism reflecting light onto the walls of ten thousand different decisions.
The prism shown glimpses of truth and illusion but through ten thousand different colors, who is to say which was which?
The emerald microcosm seemed to be.
And as he leaned forward to consummate defection with an adventurer's pulse, the glass pinged deep against its collision with bone.
It would follow the crumbling of a potential empyrean that he would question whether the truest life is the life of suffering or the truest life is the life of harmonious touch.
The latter had shown a glimpse of what could be deemed perfection.
Casually collected on a pocket of air and with the most cataclysmic of intention, the moonlight fell draped over the epitome and ignited what could rival the faith of a martyr.
But the innominate would perspire at the tables of the wealthy at a distance marked by widows and formalistic superiority; and so that which could be deemed perfection was cut by a thread and let tumble down into gelid streams.
Three days and aversion would unfold allowing the young beggar's eyes to replenish black.
Grammatically poor but beautifully written in an altruistic tongue, the scene played out like a mouth erupted in ulcers.
The atmospheric imprint enveloped the most complimentary distance between lovers and left clarity like a thick emphatic smokescreen.
And so the road would end punctuated by a crooked smile and conspicuous wounds, leaving with them the thoughts of such: it is better for fools to feel alive, but for the sage to wither and die.
With thoughts to not question what lies behind tired, pale eyes; thoughts hidden under temporal shards in a shy forest.
Illusion had adopted a demeanor, diaphanously coy and defiled, and it wasn't long before the sacrificial self was thrown onto the burning pyre and proclaimed delirium.
After becoming crippled with an inflamed limbic system, hope of enlightenment seemed to reform into a fabricated effigy with purpose to mock the optimism peddlers.
So one night the protagonist eloped.
Facing pragmatic contusions that would drown a weak mind with weak lungs, it was decided.
Stealing away in amatory respiration and clutching faded intuition and a canon of phrases conceived in the night, anonymous greeted distorted vision and polluted subterrane.
And then the gradient shifted toward lighter hue and it was then the protagonist saw neglect of the sharply bitten prefix.
Against empirical wisdom, soft pigments crept smiling in lucid delusion.
Exit; bathed in white light and blessed with grace.


Enter; hazel captioned tales and moronic symposium.
An auspicious chill stirring in frost bitten cognisance.
There was a battle that ensued wrought from bamboo pikes and elated palaver between the unnamed plus one.
Led the springs to give way under weight of an enigmatic smile.
It might be later that the house may heal two afflicted inhabitants.
And the protagonist would wait for a silver halo to be retired, but until the grasp of demeanor was bridled, there would be no other piece to tame the exodus of mind.
Bare and apprehensive of the fable transcription.
Exit; through ren and white light.

Enter; after a six hour intermittent restless pulse, a counteractive agent slid into the room.
With dilated pupils he watched a rotary driven background repeat the same sullen trees after each thousand foot run.
If it weren't for the frostbite, the heat would not be as invited.
So in palpitations and limited thoughts, the scribes of the road expired.
But the smooth grooves in the handshakes felt the body exhale and fires and burden started to cause tremors in his knees.
Taunted by the scent of copulation and self-perpetuated coital rings he lapsed into anamnesis and grabbed the floor convulsing in open mental wounds.
From a draft of turmoil and formulaic song.
And at this moment, where was the other companion of equivalent mental fire?
The correlation of longstanding timelines with short lived dualism seemed strained at the neck.
Through intracranial indecent leprosy and taut of black songs he took refuge in ecclesiastic indifference.
With breathe growing hotter on the nape of his neck, he passed through an unconscious stream.
With scars guiding movement so permanent.
Behind closed doors with his back against the window, feeding the tumor, waiting for the levee to break.
Scribes with short hand communication conveyed the meaning to the trees.
In amazon infringement, pulling the needles from his teeth.
In spiked disdain for the iris heavy and blue, it would consumate the vowels in bitter tango without notes.
But nobody would know, nobody would breathe, no one would care.
Singing on doubt just to feel things out it was what was left of burden with songs flowing through interstitial imaging. 
"Take a deep breathe girl, you're reasons are too pale"
Through buzzing and electric pulses, swimming through embryonic substance and altogether vague.
A nice recollection of a figment; it is just a figment.
But he saw it better to hold to figment until reality seeped into his pores.
Working like a placeholder for tidal waves in the pitchfork adbominal caves.
And every night the delivery flailed. 
Praying for a pulmonary catalyst to explain everything.
To explain the demons and the saints.
Through this psuedo-resurrection she might find introspective entanglement. 
A regenerative birth pang of sorts.
And yet, still praying for a pulmonary catalyst to explain the demons and the saints.
The night had opened his eyes and then she stepped into the room.
The way her eyes dressed up simple subjects in satin sheets made him feel like life could wait. 
Holding still for summer and fall, the brazen implications would change course and value.
But the air could be caught and crafted into a bridge of lesser gold but stronger virtue.
Or solidarity might make a saint out of purposeless banter and a box formed of sheets.
Through any stretch of the imagination, viability left fissures in his mane.

Who then, through the emotive of kin did the page fall over the most?
And he thought to himself why the closest of blood might take refuge in a pale kind of turmoil and watered skies.
Reeling back from the delicacy of sacrosanct motives that bleed rivers to keep the rats at bay.
But shortly he would sigh and jolt with electric impulse that meant the truth would always be as fluid as his sheets.
Ghosts do not share the same tapestry as kin, the likes of which were brought in by him.
If not for show then for what other reasons?
She might always suspect but would still derail the operant conditioning.
Of glass blown insignias and a trampled mess of faith, he slowly felt the tremble in the scar tissue of mental wounds.
And it might fare better to retreat than to lay battle plans for all to see, as the plans go awry but the silence forces sleep.
Wanting to force a trench of sunken salvation that could lay bricks for the redemption of self.
But the walls were too connected to break away from the sullen apex without risking catatonic consecration.
Passing through the waterways of condensed air.

Scorned bodies met in council in the man made shade of taxable resource.
Examined under clouded conspicuous oval rings he spilled saliva onto the concrete sheets until it flowed over like a carpal stream. 
Boxed the meditative pathways with recollective stints meant fissures had laid the electric wires that choked anonymous.
He spent days screaming and condemning the wind "It's You!",with drops of remorse couched in a swollen sense of bliss
The marsupial's dance inside a limbic mess consumed alters that called for vile sacrilege.
Bleeding triumph from his ulcers and colorful words. 
They were after all, only words.
Conceived only by way of adrenal spewing into an acidic cavern which dissolved any set of remorseful decency. 
And temporal shards in a shy forest still laid flat and void of breathe.
He lost himself.
True.
Solemnly leaving behind a crutch of words and esoteric imagery: Deseo llevar la cruz!
All night never it exhaled.
"So when the silver catches the song in your eyes
And the platform moves the trees to your side
With ivory petals outstretched disheartened and kind
To rhythms that birth pulse to couple the stride
Lend to a frenzied peak spasm when escape is your style
Illusion and stories to construct a world in the biting of lips
An eye rests of purple now wilted and curled, respira
Been colored by one delay in one crippled twitch
Have plans laid by mice set the trip wire awry
Must always end in
You"
And always tripping over his own throat.

Here's a first term of college research paper on marijuana legalization for my intro political science course.  I've modified it to exclude the source citings and whatnot, but they are still available in case you are that interested in what I write.

        

There’s a popular assumption that surrounds the idea of legalizing marijuana, and that assumption is that, from the point of legalization on, the streets will be littered with hoards of pot-heads kicking their hacky-sacks and giggling into sheets of aluminum foil.  If not just the lack of productive behavior, then a severe increase in marijuana related health and mental problems would consume our society and eat it whole, much like a bag of tacos from Jack in the Box at two o'clock in the morning.  The problem with these scenarios is that they are absurd.  There are piles of research that confirm the presence of carcinogens and other harmful substances in the smoke of the marijuana plant.  There are also piles of research that confirm that marijuana has long term effects on a variety of motor skill and respiratory functions and creates the inability of heavy users to move past conversational topics such as "I remember this weed I smoked once" and "D'ya think we can make a bong out of this?"  Most of this research is ultra-biased propaganda filled with staggering flaws.  Either way, after all the research and information that has exposed the ‘evils’ of smoking marijuana or likewise, the 'none-whatsoever' effects, I still think we need to move toward total legalization.

The constitution itself does not really address the issue of controlled substances, with the exception of the 18^th amendment which prohibited (and consequently resulted in higher death rates related to) alcohol.  Of course we know how that story worked out. Aside from that failed attempt, there are no parts of the constitution that seriously address the issue of controlled substances, therefore leaving the issue, I believe, to the states.  Under this, I find that the federal law prohibiting medicinal marijuana use is, in essence, unconstitutional.  Unfortunately, this issue does not seem to be available for interpretation through the constitution therefore making it an issue of popular opinion and persuasion than of a constitutional basis.  From there we must then look at current social policies and the cause and effect relationship between marijuana and a number of other factors. 

One prime argument for legalization is the comparison of the illegal substance of cannabis to the legal substances of tobacco and alcohol.  Tobacco and alcohol are two legal substances that have had extremely detrimental effects on health and society but still remain legal due to the fact that our culture is so engrained with these products that removal is virtually impossible.  Not to mention we will always find something to supplant whatever we remove.    

Cigarettes are the second major cause of death in the world and are the fourth largest risk factor for disease worldwide.  Aside from the blatantly damaging health effects, cigarettes also have a negative effect on the economy through smoking-related health issues leading to time spent off of work.  The loss of billions of dollars can be traced directly or indirectly to smoking related illnesses.  Cigarettes contain a multitude of known carcinogens; this fact is shared with marijuana whose smoke also contains a variety of carcinogens. Assuming that the available research on pot is legitimate, when dealing with the smoke, marijuana cigarettes are not generally smoked as frequently, nor as long as a period as tobacco cigarettes.  The disparity of actual smoke inhaled and kept in the lungs is considerably less in the long-term for marijuana than it is for cigarettes.  Besides, what marijuana connoisseur hasn't invested in a bong or a vaporizor?  I've seen very few (and by few I mean none) who smoke tobacco through any such device. 

Marijuana, especially when compared to alcohol, would actually be a dramatic improvement for the United States in social respects.  Especially considering national studies which have shown approximately three million violent crimes per year were (at the time of the studies) committed while the offender was drunk.  In 1997, forty percent of rapes and sexual offenses that occurred were admitted to have been committed while the offender was under the influence of alcohol.  Unfortunately I searched around for information pertaining to marijuana’s influence on violent crimes, but no directly related research was to be found (at least not in the amount of time I was willing to spend looking).  However, according to a study conducted by the Justice of Education Department in 2003, “school violence has declined over the past decade, but the percentage of students claiming to use marijuana has increased”, suggesting that violence and marijuana are not necessarily interlinked.  This theory is given further support when the psychological effects of the drug are approached, one of which being that marijuana tends to decrease aggression.  Most violence associated with marijuana use seems to involve its trafficking more than anything.  

 As would be expected of someone discussing the benefits of marijuana legalization, it would be odd to leave out its medicinal benefits.  So I am going to leave that part out.

Another concern about the use of marijuana which many use to protest its use is of its impact on the ability to drive.  Marijuana does impair reaction time which hinders one's ability to operate a vehicle.  However, there is not much available on actual traffic incidences related solely to a stoned driver.  Statistics on fatal accidents in Australia revealed that three to eleven percent of fatal accidents involved a driver who had detectable amounts of delta-9-tetrahydrocannibinol (THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana), and of those three to eleven percent, seventy to ninety percent of those cases were also accompanied by alcohol intoxication.  This leaves 1.1 of 11 drivers as being influenced by marijuana alone (3.3 if you want to use the lowest of the set).  Moving from the statistical aspect to the common sense aspect, you shouldn’t drink and drive and you shouldn’t smoke and drive.  To elaborate further, you shouldn’t drive hopped up on Nyquil and you shouldn’t drive while you are tired, ergo, it is a matter of responsibility in those matters and marijuana should be treated no differently.  The types of issues surrounding THC-intoxicated would not be negatively affected by legalization.  I would argue that it would actually do more to improve the situation by allowing better monitoring and social awareness.  Moving on.

There are significant crime rates associated with marijuana, but again, they seem mostly revolve around illegal trafficking.  Any crimes taken place that do involve the influence of THC are almost never solely a result of its use either.  Most criminal behavior while under the influence of pot is committed by those who are typically already prone to those kinds of behaviors; marijuana influence is irrelevant save lowered judgment, which I argue is still irrelevant when assessing a lot of the individuals involved.  Not to mention over half of the prison sentences decided by the federal court system are associated with drug crimes, those being possession, manufacture of, or trafficking of illegal substances.  What better way, then, is there than to legalize a significant part of the criminal drug world’s cash crop?  Then again, introducing criminal economics and influence creates a whole new slew of issues.  Still, leaving only drugs of harsher classifications to be trafficked, maybe a "War on Drugs" might not actually be pointless and taxpayer's money would be saved from not having to prosecute the more than 700,000 people arrested in a year on marijuana charges. 

Marijuana legalization would also be extremely positive for the prevention of hard drug use.  Dutch policy on marijuana has proven successful in doing this.  By allowing marijuana to be sold in coffee shops, the ‘soft drugs’ were separated from the ‘hard drugs’, therefore limiting marijuana users exposure to both the harder drugs themselves and also the criminal subculture that surrounds them.  The likelihood of marijuana users to move on to harder drugs is much higher in a place like San Francisco versus Amsterdam.  The likelihood of harder drug use undoubtedly interlinked with the availability relating to the geographical closeness of them to marijuana, that being the primary reason marijuana is often considered a ‘gateway drug’.  Separation such as the Dutch policy’s would benefit our society because it would help to reduce the number of people who would become involved with the criminal activity and other unfavorable activities associated with the criminal drug world; just look what happened with Tony Montana.  The social stigma surrounding the use of pot could also shift and avoid creating personality types who embrace a variety of drugs because "if what I'd heard about marijuana is wrong, then..."

Dutch policy has also been criticized for carrying the risk of higher user rates, however, the numbers I have found suggest otherwise.  Patterns in marijuana use are actually strikingly similar in America to those in the Netherlands.  Average age for onset of first use has been found to be just around 16 and 1/2 years in both Amsterdam and San Francisco.  Keep in mind that statistic was found in Amsterdam and San Francisco, imagine what it would be for a place like Bakersfield.  We already know overzealous social conservativism has done wonders for are teen pregnancy rate (number three county in the state last time I checked). I believe we recently hit a higher per capita murder rate over Fresno and Los Angeles, as well as hit the no. 3 mark for Chlamydia cases in the state.  Just a couple fun facts for you to enjoy, but I digress. Aside from the statistical evidence illustrating consistency rather than dramatic increase, it can also be understood that, although alcohol and tobacco are both legal, not everyone smokes cigarettes and not everyone drinks “the devils sauce” (alcohol, not a hot sauce brand).  I see no reason why marijuana would be an exception.

 A huge and definitely positive impact that legalization would have on our country would also be the immense economic benefit.  The illegal drug trade is a multi-billion dollar per year industry.  The revenue generated from the illegal importation and selling of these substances goes directly to criminals and a variety of dangerous organizations (if you don't believe all the conspiracy theories, but chances are, if you smoke, you believe).  Allowing for the legalization of marijuana would strike a huge economical benefit.  The creation of a variety of new jobs would also generate a huge taxable revenue that could indirectly benefit many government programs and also possibly allow for a financial push to help fix the national debt of how many trillions of dollars are we talking now?  Although the actual numbers many people like to present as potentially accrued through taxes on marijuana would likely decrease due to a 'legal' status decreasing the value (street versus store).  But still with legalization, it could be expected to produce a dramatic cut to the cost of the futile ‘war on drugs’, and less cost for the incarceration of many due to petty possession charges; California itself saved a substantial $958,305,499 dollars between 1976 and 1985 upon decriminalization of the possession of one ounce of marijuana.  A notable decrease in violent crimes and crimes associated with illegal trafficking, as well as a number of other issues surrounding the now illegal substance would all likely be realized. 

Unless you conduct them firsthand, most of the experiments leading to the information that becomes public knowledge are hardly unbiased.  I stick to the belief that the government is not releasing, or is even in full understanding, of the information that is relevant.  I also understand that advocates of marijuana legalization also hold their biases that will also affect the information that they share, because dammit, all we need is not love or to just "smoke a bowl".  Quit having your parents pay for your weed and then see how many things you add to your repertoire of "all you need in life." Maybe a job might help.  Regardless, whatever light may be shed upon the subject, 'the green peace' as a legalized substance would not fare much differently than it does now.  The only difference would be the culture that is now responsible for the transportation and dealing of marijuana would be eliminated and replaced by legitimate business that would not need criminal ties in order to operate.  That is unless you are fond of conspiracy theories; let your mind run wild there.  But ultimately the fact that we as a nation have to deal with this kind tedious sifting through information to gain ever skewed insight upsets my mind.

So I've got the time now, I'm taking the spring semster off of school.  I really want to start playing music with anyone, so if you are interested, hit me up.  I've got the skills.

Chase