So I'm sitting here, minding my own business.  Normal office noises surround me, it's all good.  Until she decides to start eating seeds like a gerbil.

Now on any other given day I'd of just stuck my headphone on and ignored it.  No big deal ... but we all know how that was deemed a no no by the head leader.

So I took deep breath after deep breath.  Then I couldn't take it anymore.

"It sounds like a gerbil is at your desk"

"A gerbil? What?"

"Haven't you ever heard a gerbil eat?"

"No"

There was a pause in the seed eating ... then one more, but a bit quieter, then another.  Then she stopped.  My co-workers are going to think I'm a real bitch.  But you know what?  Don't take my earphones away.

I remember once in highschool a guy behind me was biting his nails in math class.  I finally had enough and said "Doesn't your mother feed you breakfast?!"  To which he gave me a dumbfounded look.  So I continued "Need some salt with your nails?"  The jerk actually said "Ooh, look who stepped off their broom stick" and I replied "Actually, I rode my vacuum today.  I broke my broomstick over some other idiot's head"

Tonight I have an appointment with my therapist.  I'm going to let him know about the newest development.  Maybe he'll finally give me xanax so I can just pop that when I start freaking out.  He gave me Klonipin for anxiety, but I can only take that at night, it knocks me out ... and lately has made me sleep so soundly I keep sleeping through my alarm, not good.  Or maybe he can write a note to my boss.

I still think I need the xanax.  I haven't been able to go to the movie theater lately without having a panic attack - unless I sit in the very top row.  I have this horrible feeling that someone is just going to pull out a gun or knife and shoot or stab me from behind in the dark.  Yes, I'm paranoid.  No, I have no idea why I think this - I was like this years ago and always had to get to the theater early so I could sit in back, then it went away for a while.  I used to be afraid of needles in the seats.  My boyfriend said that I must be afraid of death.  No ... I'm just afraid of having someone take my life.  Death doesn't scare me as long as I'm in control of it ... passing away naturally or suicide doesn't even make me blink an eye (not that I'd consider that second option).  

Yeah ... okay ... right ...