Fire, brimstone, whatever, this new assignment was the anti-christ.  Disguised as a very cool position as the Director's assistant, paid very well and my very own office.

Once again I can't give details of what I did at this job, it would give away the location ... but I can tell you about the characters I worked with.

My boss was a woman who looked like a man ... an ugly Harpo Marx to be precise.  She was a sarcastic SOB and talked horribly about everyone behind their backs.  She had been without a permanent secretary for a while, just temps that breezed in and out.  The office showed, there were piles of paperwork stacked in the kitchen/file cabinet room that connected our offices.  I was again doing the job of a head secretary, okay, that's fine, handling payroll is pretty easy - but then I had to learn how to do PO's.  They were in the middle of opening up a huge event (3 million dollar thing) and there was a lot of stuff to purchase and square away.  If it hadn't been for the lovely lady in the Purchasing Office walking me through with all my daily phone call questions I don't know what I would have done (I made friends in lots of departments while I was an Office Nomad and to this day that helps me get the upper hand and lee-way Slowpoke needs when he crunches a deadline).  I didn't even bother trying to sort out the paperwork mess - whoever became her permanent would just have to deal with that.

I was told I would be there 3 months, and my boss worked with my school schedule giving me Friday's off.  Even though I walked in there with the promise of just doing light duties to help her out and some fun arts and crafts, then ended up with a load of crap to do, I did what I did, and I did it well.

I also learned to keep my mouth shut.  The bosses would get together in the conference room outside my office and just talk shit about people.  I knew when people were going to be fired, yelled at, promoted, or demoted.  One woman, I'll call her The Snake, was just evil.  She was out to get everybody.

One particular meeting I overheard The Snake and Harpo making plans to fire a woman who was good at her job, who had done nothing wrong, except get in The Snakes way.  They'd been discussing this a while, had demoted the gal, and then basically just fucked with her head - he loves me, he loves me not, type hell.  After this particular meeting I had to take mail to the area the woman worked at and drop it off.  I walked over to the building, stepped in, dropped off the mail, and then the woman began asking me questions.

"Are they going to fire me?"  I knew the answer to that, but I also knew my place, so I replied "I don't know"  She then continued with things like "I've felt like they were for a while, I feel like this is the day, I work hard, why?!"  I again just simply replied "I don't know, I haven't heard anything, you do work very hard"  Then I walked out and back to my office.  I was then called to cover for someone, so I went to that office and took a seat.  A few minutes later I see The Snake with Harpo in tow pass the window.  The Snake banged through the door to the room I was in and asks if I've said anything to anyone.  I was confused - the conversation with the one gal didn't register much with me, so I didn't even think to it, until The Snake accused me of letting her know that she was going to be fired.

Harpo is watching me, waiting for the reaction she thought I'd give - but I was innocent, so I didn't give that reaction.  I was actually dumbfounded and calmly, but firmly said "I know my position.  I am the Director's assistant and what is said in meetings stays in meetings.  It is not my position to spread gossip, nor would I want to.  I walked into that office to drop off mail, she told me that she suspected she was going to be fired and asked if I knew anything.  I told her I didn't"  The Snake opened her mouth to spit some more venom - but Harpo interrupted her and said "I trust you CubicleDweller, that's why I hired you.  Thank you"  Then she towed The Snake out of there.  Still after that, there was a very uncomfortable tension whenever she was in the office.

It was near time for me to be let go, I was ready to go ... I'd had enough.  I figured I'd reopen the unemployment claim, focus on school, take a break.  Then Harpo got the news, there was a hiring freeze - she wasn't going to be able to get a permanent.  She came to tell me that news and then said "So I guess we're stuck with each other" and walked off.  Fan-fucking-tabulous.

Two more months went by when finally she came in and said "Tomorrow is your last day.  They won't let me keep you any longer, I have to wait until I can hire a permanent"

So I packed my box the next day and said goodbye to hell.  I was ready for that break, collect unemployment, focus on school ... 2 weeks of non-working bliss passed and The Lady from HR called with another assignment.  She said it was a part-time position, 4 hours a day for maybe 3 weeks.

And that's how I landed myself here ...

By the way ... rumor made it back to me from inside sources that Harpo had indeed hired another temp, again through a cheaper temp agency.  This temp played solitaire all the time and didn't do any work.  I was told Harpo was miserable, dismissed the girl and then went through temps like dirty underwear until the freeze was over.

Sometimes I run into her at Company Picnics, she still wears her pants high on her waist, still reminds me of an ugly Harpo - but now she smiles a tight smile at me and always asks how I am doing.