So today Chatty has succeeded in breaking several "office" laws.  She's ate like a squirrel for several hours, hummed along loudly off tune to headphones (why do they ignore hers and take mine away?!), and is now listening to Madonna on her PC speakers at a level I can hear 15 feet away ... but not so much that it sounds cool. 

Don't get me wrong, I like Madonna - but when it's just some rhythm, a hint of bass beats,  and computer created sounds filtering in here and there it's more disturbing than anything.

I am not a ray of light today.

I wandered into the kitchen/breakroom and found a bag of tortillas, a bag of meat, and a carton of salsa.  It was leftover from our potluck today, it's casual friday man, gotta eat, right?

Earlier I had stayed with the "safe foods" - rice, potatoes, bacon, biscuits, fruit.  As the afternoon grew longer, my tummy began to rumble.  This is what I get for eating breakfast.  So when I stumbled upon the bag of meat and tortillas I figured, "Why not?"  I threw some meat on a tortilla, popped it into the microwave to hopefully kill any germs and then began to eat it as I prepared another.  As I chewed my way through my makeshift lunch I began to think that the meat had a bit of a vomit aftertaste.  What the hell am I eating?  Not chicken, and now I'm beginning to believe it definitely wasn't beef ... so that leads us to pork, or whatever else you can pick up at the Ranch Market (that's what the bag was labeled).  I ignored the sense of dread that was creeping up into the back of my mind as I picked the fat off the meat I was loading onto the second tortilla.  This one I cooked longer - kill more germs I'm thinking.  Hmm, how to kill that vomit taste ... aww yes, put on some tongue burning salsa.  Perfect.

Now I am back in my cube having washed the tortilla and mystery meat down with a cup of warm pineapple, orange, something or other juice ... wondering if and when my stomach was going to start heaving and I would have to run to the 2nd floor to let my ass explode.

Unless you are chewing it with your mouth open and your co-worker jumps across her cubicle and rips you apart.

Freakin pig.  No, it's not the Gerbil today ... instead it's Chatty ... but she's the one with the worst eating habits anyway.  It's so annoying, even eating oatmeal is a loud task for her.

Disgusting.  Hopefully my mom gets here soon with lunch so I can run to the break room and escape.

Definitely the "I need to be noticed" desperate type.

I went into the nearby work room/ kitchen area and started loudly asking everyone "What is that smell?  Do you smell that?  That sweet, horribly nauseating smell"

Many co-workers immediately offered sympathy and began talking about how people shouldn't wear heavy scents at work because you never know who might be allergic.  One even said the same thing I was thinking "A perfume should be used lightly just enough so when someone walks past they pause and thing ... mmm what's that smell?"

I grabbed a cup of coffee grounds and began sniffing them at my desk.  Aww ... relief.  The smell went away, then with the clack of heels it came back! 

Finally a  young woman who works part-time quietly walked away - with the yellow aroma odor following her.

A french whore that is.

This is just wonderful, some ass is wearing really super sweet perfume or cologne and decided to take refuge in an empty cubicle near me.  I've had a migraine a day for over a week, and was just feeling better today.

Now I want to vomit.  Why must people cover themselves in perfume ... perfume is supposed to be a mystery, a scent people just catch as they pass by - just enough for one of the opposite sex to stop mid step and wonder "Mmm, what was that smell"

Not stink up the entire office.  I'm about to leave it's so bad.  I seriously am having a hard time breathing, my head is beginning to hurt, and I feel very sick to my stomach.

Idiots.  Oh and now the lovely is popping their gum.  I have yet to get up and look over the barrier to see who it is, but I have a good guess.