Today I received a new computer and monitor in my cube.  This monitor is huge, it's wide screen and like 23".  A bit overkill and I've been trying to combat dizziness since it was installed.

Anyway, the tech gave me the spiel about how we are not, absolutely not allowed to install any programs, toolbars, etc that are unauthorized.  That means, if the techs don't put it on it's illegal.  Then I was told they put in new software that will scan your system every time you log in to make sure there isn't any unauthorized software. 

So today I was surfing the net and it kept wanting me to install Adobe something or other.  You know what, I took a walk on the wild side and clicked install after I wasn't able to view a picture on a page.  So UGH to the tech department, yeah, come all the way over here, charge our department $45 to take off something that's needed to view a regular internet page.  We'll see.

Oh, and I was also told that they are really going to crack down on our department because their was a TON of unauthorized programs on a lot of our units (many of us received new systems today).  So Yippee, there goes just that much more of my privacy, but what privacy, right?  I work in a freaking cube, where you can watch me, throw popcorn at me, and poke me.  Dance monkey dance!

She's standing in the hallway describing a workout video - complete with moves.

"You kick, and it has all the moves, you punch, you kick.  I like how all his moves work out the stomach muscles *something* lo siendo *something*, but hers is more fun"

Finally she's done punching and kicking the air ... she is now walking back to her desk "Well, it beats a 45 minute drive"

To where, the gym?  Geez woman, I know you don't live 45 minutes from the nearest 24 Hour Fitness.  But thank you for amusing me with your dance moves.

I like to ride the elevator alone, then I don't have to deal with that awkward silence and trying to figure out where to stare without looking rude, not having to pretend to be totally absorbed with the calender on my cell phone, etc.

Today I scurried from the buildings entrance to the elevator, I saw a young man coming from the other direction, also heading toward the elevator.  Ching, ching, ching ... I walked faster, pushed the button, the door opened, I slid in, pushed the top floor button, CHING CHING CHING ... and just as the doors were closing he pushed his way in.  I asked what floor, he replied with the voice of a boy becoming a man.

Fortunately he wasn't going all the way to the top, so I was only stuck in uncomfortable silence for a few floors.  Now, I was trying my hardest to just stare at the elevator buttons, but I couldn't help but glance over and stare like you would a car wreck at this kids attire ...

Cowboy hat, button up shirt, loose Levi's, genuine pointy toe cowboy boots, and spurs.  Complete with pubescent acne.

Interesting way to start my day.  Now I'm off to eat some lasagna.

So we all know how much I hate people talking to me while I'm on the john.

Today I walked into the restroom at the same time as the head honcho, I'm talking THE boss of the top floor.  I step into my stall, she steps into the next and immediately strikes up a conversation!

I'm a little shocked, this woman rarely has ever spoken a word to me, and today she wants to strike up a friendly conversation while we piss together?  Ooh, I'm her new pee buddy.  I thought she'd stop after the first sentence and my 2 word answer, I mean, I didn't want to be rude, it was THE boss ... but still, lady I'm taking a piss here.  I silently yelled "SHUT UP!" with as much emphasis in my face as I could muster.

She continued conversing with me while we zipped up our pants, flushed the toilets, and even while washing our hands!  Then away she went.

Hmm, guess I'm her dirty little secret, hahaha!

HOW TO HANDLE  IRRITATING SEATMATES / CO-WORKERS

If you are sitting  next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train / or in an adjacent cubicle, follow these  instructions: (and maybe say goodbye!).

1.      Quietly and calmly open up your laptop  case.

2.      Remove your laptop.

3.      Start up.

4.      Make sure the guy who is annoying you can see the  screen.

5.      Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the  sky.

6.      Then hit this  link

http://www.thecleverest.com...

Get back, get back to where you once belonged!

That is stuck in my head.  Know why?  Our nurse has been warbling it all afternoon.  Everything will be quiet when "GET BACK, GET BACK, GET BACK to where you once belonged!" is suddenly belted out from the office 2 cubes down the hall.

Don't quit your day job.

"A B C D E F ... GEEE"

I don't know what the Gerbil was doing, but obviously she needed a little help with her ABC's.  She sounded unsure of herself as she went from A through F, then with an exclamation of knowledge she emphasized the letter G.  Then all was silent.

So I checked out about a week ago ...

More like forgot to take my "dweller's little helpers".  Okay, I'm in denial - it was more like I just didn't feel like taking them.  Sometimes I get that way, and then I regret it of course because suddenly I'm a train wreck and the next thing I know I'm not getting out of bed unless my house catches on fire because I simply do not want to die a death of burning.

The first few days were fine, it was the weekend, all I did was snap at a few choice people and burst into tears twice.

I made it to my cube both Monday and Tuesday, 15 minutes late each day of course (but I stayed 15 minutes late to make up for it ...).  I managed to make it through one day of country music drifting from Gerbil's cube - even though she was not sitting there.  I made it through both days of Chatty humming and singing along to either her headphones or PC speakers - and not to mention her apple crunching.

Yesterday, forget it.  I woke up and thought I just need one more hour of sleep.  So I called in to say I'd be a bit late. That hour of sleep turned into needing an entire afternoon of sleep, so I called one more time and let them know I was not reporting for duty.

Sleep, blissful sleep, in my wonderful bed, with my expensive sheets and down comforter.  The pseudo boyfriend even hung around all day, at one point he even cooked a nice breakfast, then handed me my pills and a glass of water.  I came out of the coma around 2:30, when I'd usually get home.  I remained in bed and watched the last 1/2 hour of the crazy soap "Passions", then part of Dr. Phil before I forced myself to face life.  There were things that had to get done.

Last night pseudo boyfriend put my pills by my beside and made sure I had water so I could take them upon wakening, so I wouldn't "forget".

I couldn't help but think about that movie "Shop Girl" ... I can relate to Claire Danes character.

This morning, after groaning, kicking my legs, and ignoring my first 3 alarms, I sat up and took the two white pills.

I pulled into the parking garage, began my way up to the 2nd floor, almost passed a spot, glanced in my mirror, backed up, and nearly creamed my boss Slow Poke.  He honked, thanks, and thanks again for coming around the corner so quickly that I didn't even notice you.  I park, he parks, we get out, he calls me a crazy woman driver ... crazy ... woman ... driver ... yes, yes, and yes.  I nonchalantly explained "I just felt like trying to take out someone's bumper today".

Yes, it's back to a "Just feel like taking something out" day.

(BTW - Chatty is on her SECOND apple this morning ... I keep giving her the evil eye, I think she's doing it on purpose)