A blog about Personal Journals.
|
Budget Cuts If you can't beat them, join them! Stuck on Alcatraz Sarcasma - from the makers of Damitol ... Office Etiquette in the trash Prison vs. Work Hello, it's Thursday! In the mood for ... A little static on your walkie talkie? Hominy, get it on the plate girl September 06 October 06 November 06 December 06 January 07 February 07 March 07 April 07 May 07 June 07 July 07 August 07 September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 
RSS 2.0    |
|
|
I just finished visiting the restroom (why do we call it a restroom? I mean, it's not like we do much rest in there ... a lot of the time the noises I hear from the other side of the stall wall are far from that. Maybe I should pick up a bit of grammar from the UK and begin calling it the "toilet"). As I was washing my hands I couldn't but help shoe checking the other stall's occupant, white flip flops. As I was opening the door to leave she exited her stall, within 5 of my steps down the hallway the restrooms door opened - she could not have had enough time to wash her hands. Gross! I was just about to announce, "Just a warning, don't shake hands with any women wearing white flip flops today", when the culprit came around the corner. By the way she stopped and began talking to one of my co-workers I realized she was a student worker ... not to mention the way she was dressed - jeans, flip flops, and was that a sex pistols t-shirt? Moral of the story - do not shake hands with white flip flop, sex pistol wearing girls today. This morning I woke up a bit congested and out of a very deep medicated sleep. I drifted through my morning routine in a fog and eventually was stepping out of the elevator onto my floor. A woman walked in front of me, and due to the fact that I typically look at the floor as I walk I first noticed her shoes – fuck me boots. I’m talking “these boots are made for walking” black leather healed boots up to her knees. Today there is a tiny robot walking down the aisles. The girls following it are claiming it is for spying - but you can hear it's little robotic joints revving on the other side of the floor, not much of a spy I say! The thing has passed me several times now and it strongly resembles a miniature model of #5 from Short Circuit ... I'm just biting my tongue to keep from exclaiming, "No disassemble #5!"
I have a feeling if I did I would receive blank stares as it's doubtful they will get the reference. I'm trying to maintain at least a small level of assumed sanity, aw hell, I'm just kidding myself.
A friend of mine sent me an email this morning that made me smile so I thought I'd share it ...
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... "Kill Her!!"
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ' I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'The gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.' Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them or ... if you need the job done, ask a woman to do it. "Stimulate the nipple" More famous phrases straight from the Gerbil's mouth. Well, who’s to say that I’m actually awake? Regardless, I do have Foldgers in my cup. Today is one of those snooze my alarm mornings. The kind of morning where I kick my covers all over and beat my pillow. I don’t care if my hair is a mess, it can be smoothed into a ponytail that I was even too lazy to pull completely through the holder so it’s a big messy loop. I’m probably the only one that even notices the white deodorant smudge I can’t remove from the hem of my black shirt, and if anyone else does notice that, well, they are way too close to my ass for my comfort. Slowpoke greeted me with a rousing “Buenos dias!”, thankfully I’d already swallowed a few gulps of office sludge. I noticed the Gerbil is in a meeting with The Man. Did I mention I suspect she is one of his flying monkeys? She may act like flowers and rainbows on the outside, but I bet you anything that if you sliced her open it would be thick black goo. I think I’ll rock and spin in my chair for a bit with another cup of coffee. Only 5.5 more hours to go. Good morning sunshines, it’s time to say “Hell – o” |
Local time is currently Sat Sep 6, 2008 8:47:09 pm PDT
Bakotopia is 100% local to Bakersfield, CA, USA
