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Good morning all. I debated with whether I should start a new blog since my attitude has somewhat changed from yesterdays crappy one. But I think I will be addressing some of the thoughts expressed in my last blog so here goes:

I didn't know Chris Page. And after much thought yesterday I have resigned myself to the fact that I have, in fact never really dealt with death and the dying. In fact, my friend and I were just talking about this a couple days ago: I come from a relatively small family and people only die when they're like 90. I've only attended two funerals in my life so my experience is kinda minimal. Why bring this up? 'Cuz I have this preconcieved tv-like notion about how people (I?) should act towards others in instances like this.

Very recently, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (breast cancer). Her prognosis, truth be known, isn't good. So lots of dark things have been going through my mind in the past couple of months. Let's toss in my own chronic/manic depression (I take meds for it) and a bevy of other, less-important issues... I guess it all adds up to my lack of experience and some bad timing.

Despite my pessimistic nature I have rare and fleeting moments when I think people (average everday people like me) "should/could" do the right thing. If for no other reason than it's what the heart and soul begs for, no? I believe I now go through life relatively guarded, definately jaded and somewhat medicated against the ills that pervade our culture. But sometimes, a tiny little spark of "something" goes off in me and I wonder (and rage) about what could've been; what should be. Silly? Perhaps. But I think if that spark ever really goes away, I'll be dead inside. Yet another reason why I completely understand why Chris did what he did and how easy it can be to get there.

My recent reaction to Chris' passing stems from a surprisingly deep affinity I feel for the man though I never heard of him until recently. We are both writers, similar age, similar interests, passions and struggles... Assessments of his writing are exact duplicates of the critiques I have received all my life. It's like I'm looking at myself and I wonder: Could that have been me? Could it still?

Maybe this news and subsequent internal revelations are harbingers of bigger hurdles yet to come. Perhaps I am being warned, or prepared in some way. Perhaps I'm thinking too much on it. Perhaps.

From this dead-weight shark to anyone interested in receiving it: My apologies for the ruckus.

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Well, ya had to know it was coming. I don't think two minutes passed after the California Supreme court wisely overturned the vote to ban gay marriage before I was looking at china patterns and color schemes.

So before that inevitable referendum is put before our Governor (something he publicly promised he would not endorse) we- Stephen and I- are planning on getting hitched. I'm tired of living in sin.

But there is sooooo much to do.

Where to tie the knot? I know I don't want to get married in a church...

Who to invite? Do you think Harvey Hall will come?

Where to register? Besides the obligatory Home Depot and Macy*s...

Where to hold the reception? I know who I want to have as my Best Man, but I think Stephen might have a tough time choosing.

Fall or Winter wedding? Should I wear white?

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On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least, 10 being the most....

1. How close do you feel to your immediate family?
2. How "connected" are you to your community in general?
3. How intune with the current trends, culture and events do you think you are?
4. How globally responsible do you feel you behave?
5. How do you rate your own "uniqueness"?
6. How "on track" are you in your life?

Feel free to add your own questions.

Enjoy!!

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25%

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I have stopped going to First Fridays (previously First Thursdays) because of the Downtown Business Association. My understanding was that First Friday was developed to promote the downtown business and cultural scenes. Instead, IMHO it has become a money-generating opportunity for the BDBA. Collecting $10 per person (non-DBA members) is insane when you are trying to promote an area of town already struggling with an identity.

I avoid any business opening in which the BDBA is involved. I went to a branch opening for Kern Schools Fed. Credit Union as an invited member of the CU. When we walked into the new branch we were asked to pay $10 each. Are you kidding me?! WTF is up with that?! I told the lady that we were Credit Union members invited by the Compliance Officer. She wouldn't budge. I paid the $20 and then heartily complained to the CU. They told me they had no idea people were being charged to get into a Grand Opening- the BDBA didn't tell anyone at the CU about what they were doing- and they refunded our $20.

IMHO the BDBA is turning into a clique-ish band of thugs that seem to take advantage of every opportunity to drain the pockets of it's community members while lining their own. If I were a member of the BDBA and had dues to pay or something, that would be one thing. But as a general public consumer, I don't think I should have to support the DBA with added door fees. Isn't supporting the business enough?

Anyone have another enlightened perspective I'm not seeing?

Thanks for reading.

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Upon becoming a member of this site I have become accutely aware of a "look" or "style" shared by many ladies who are also members here. It includes:

1. 40's style hair
2. 40's inspired makeup and dress
3. Flower over one ear
4. More tattoos than is reasonably attractive on anyone (man or woman)

I noticed this same "look" on the cover of a few "alternative" magazines in a local store. The work of Albero Vargas comes to mind.

So- what is it all about? Does it have a name? Give an old, completely-out-of-touch guy a clue.

Many thanks in advance!

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Every once in a while I get the opportunity to be "single" for a day or two. Not like going out on a date or hooking up (those days are long gone). When Stephen goes on a over-night business trip I get to laze around the house, drink beer, fart out loud and basically reminisce about life BS (Before Stephen). And I learned I probably didn't have as much fun as I like to think I did.

Still, in an effort to reassert my psuedo-independence, if even for a day, I left work early, went home, popped open a Corona and went about doing nothing in particular. Three Coronas later I called a friend and we decided to meet for dinner- I chose Sandrini's. One, because I don't think Stephen has ever expressed an interest in going there and Two, because I wanted to try something new.

Michelle- our server was delightful! The owner/bartender is a hottie, his father is very accommodating and the food was great. You can certainly look for them in one of my upcoming columns.

Went home, opened another Corona, crawled into bed and watched ANTM (recorded earlier that evening) to find out which model-wannabe was sent a-packin'.

I guess what I learned is that if given the chance, I would do pretty much the same things as a single person that I do now as a partnered person. Does this mean I've grown up or old?

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I am looking for suggestions in the following categories:

I want to record some tracks. I need to find a studio that has a piano or keyboard.

I also would like to find someone who can transpose what I play into written music.

Any and all suggestions would be most humbly appreciated.

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Friends,

I am looking for advice or personal experiences on building a neighborhood coalition from the ground up. Our development (South San Lauren, between Olive and Rosedale and East of Fruitvale) is 5 years old in the newest parts, 8 years in the oldest. We have a lot of tagging, minor theft and huge traffic issues. Some of the residents have decided to try and form a coalition of sorts to deal with these issues directly rather than waiting for code enforcement, law enforcement or the grafitti task force to deal with the problems. Some of us feel that the ratio of rentals to owners (I estimate to be 1:4), the number of foreclosures (10 last time I checked) and the rampant disrespectful behavior of resident and visitor alike have deeply impacted the neighborhoods value. We are looking to reclaim the neighborhood. What can you tell me? I would be ever so appreciative of any information!

Miles

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Intro-

There's not enough love in the world.

And too many people alone.

There's too much mistrust in the world.

And not enough parents at home.

And all I've got are my songs to sing.

So I'll sing them for you.

But there's something in each of us

we all can do.

If you open your heart in the world

you're going to get hurt.

But you've got to fight in this world

if you're going to be heard.

You've got to sing your song louder

with every word.

And you've got to listen to the silence

because there's more than one song in the world.

You've got to mend the broken wing of the sparrow

before the eagle can take to the sky.

You've got to know there's more than one

road you can travel.

And that all roads lead back to you and I.

You've got to go where no one's gone.

You've got to right where others have wronged.

You've got to walk with the old man

and cry with the child.

Because there's more than one voice,

there's more than one song

in the world.

You've got to reach out your hand

to the stranger in the street;

to the wife with the bruises

and the child with bare feet.

You've got to make peace in the house

where broken glass falls.

And you've got to look through the darkness

because there's more than one home,

there's more than one voice,

there's more than one song in the world.

You've got to make peace in the house

where broken glass falls

and the shattered voice breaks

and the wounded heart calls.

Because there's more than one home,

there's more than one voice

there's more than one song

in the world.

Outtro-

Together there's no more mistrust

and the parents stay home

because there's enough love,

and no one's alone.

Listen to the silence.