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BECAUSE I'M A DAD... 

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch 
TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for 
it. (Although one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.)

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes 
hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long 
after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very 
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm 
looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I 
used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers 
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." 

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of 
me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for 
you this isn't an issue. 

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like 
milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" 
or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any 
circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes 
& Gardens." 

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it 
apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once 
the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. 

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should 
stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how 
could HE know where we're going? 

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're 
crying at the end of it, I didn't. 

..I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing 
five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the 
belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we 
just go now?