I have recently been enlisted in a pharmaceutical trial. I am the only participant. My doctor is the overseeing physician.

The objective is to find alternate methods to successfully treat symptomatic sinus bradycardia other than Theophylline or a pacemaker.  Theophylline is thought to be too hazardous (by my primary doc- even though the cardiologist recommended it) And no one wants to put a pacemaker in a 33 yr old if they don't have to.

Let me first make it clear that I have the utmost respect for my primary care doctor. She has been with me for quite some time. And knows me better than any other doc could. She is thorough and thoughtful and has caught on to some issues in the past that others missed. She is a really good "detective".

That being said...  Being a guinea pig is not at all fun. I have tried a half dozen prescriptions in the last week and a half. I have become a frequent flyer at the local pharmacy. Some of those medicines have been tried and discarded after one or two doses. I can't help but wonder... sick people in poor countries could surely use my left overs..... any ideas where I could send them?

My current experimental treatment consists of over the counter sudafed ( the good kind that you have to show I.D. for) and tea.  Yes......regular old tea.  I am fine with the tea. I generally drink a lot of it in the summer anyway. Sun tea is so refreshing. And unlike my significant other, who transplanted from Texas several years ago, I don't take sugar. (Gross!)   The sudafed was a bit of a shock though. I have been advised for years to NOT take sudafed due to it's potential to cause seizures. I already have epilepsy...so I don't need any help in that department.  But here I am. Taking sudafed around the clock to raise my heart rate to a normal level so I will remain upright. Upright is good.

I have been on the phone with...or in the office to see...my doctor almost every day. Today it was to report the alarming effects of using the atrovent inhaler she gave me to try. Massive Chest Pain...and heart rate of 140 ish....from a baseline of 43. OUCH!!   I hate hospitals...but even I was tempted there for a little while! Didn't go...it eventually simmered down. Called the doc......" ummm, excuse me.....but I am NEVER taking that stuff again!!!"

She thinks it may have been the combination of the sudafed and the atrovent....not one or the other. I don't really care as long as it doesn't happen again. Sheesh. I keep hearing that country song.... how does it go?  .."I'm much too young to feel this damned old.."

So. Now I have to not take anything for a while. To get the meds out of my system. Heart rate is bouncing up and down without any rhyme or reason. Seriously? I would almost prefer the pacemaker. Just set it and forget it.

I keep meaning to ask.... Do you get paid for being a guinea pig?

if so....I want my check now please!

I feel old today. I feel out of shape..out of touch...over the hill. At the ripe old age of 33. Yeah I know...I'm not really that old. But I FEEL old today.

     I was just sitting here thinking about the good ol' days. When i wore a size 5, and had enough energy to power the greater Bakersfield power grid. When I didn't have to pay bills.

I remember PDAP. Does anyone else even remember what that was?!?(Palmer Drug Abuse Program) Geeze it was a long time ago. All the guys had long hair. The parties were clean and sober...and they were a blast!!  Sometimes there were parties at houses and sometimes there were dances at the East Vets Hall. Where we would all dress up and act like idiots just for the fun of it. Where we would lay out under the stars and soak up the night air....we didn't care that we were 2 feet from a major street...or that we had the lights of juvenile hall shining down on us from across the street. We were in the now. In the moment.

Our glorious leaders...Mary (and I forget her last name) and of course Bob and Vickie Dunn. What ever happened to them. And I wonder whatever became of that crazy band Bob played in?  what was it called...mental..mentos...mento booboo....something like that!  hehe

I stumbled across a picture of Vickie holding my new baby daughter. And an older one with a younger me just acting goofy. My daughter will be 17 in a few months. And I'm too stodgy to act goofy (Okay-not really....but don't let it get out)

Back then....everyone had a nickname.

There was Guppy, Shades, Albino, Golden Child, Gremlin, Viscious, ....etc...etc..

I was Sunshine...

Sometimes I wish I could go back. Just for a little while ya know?  Kind of like a mini vacation from grown up stuff. Kids. Bills. More Bills. More Bills.

I can't go back. But it doesn't hurt to take a little trip down memory lane. Once in a while. When I feel old. I felt old today.