My dear friends,

Be Kind Rewind is an awful, awful movie. But let me start from the beginning ...

   My dates and I (names withheld to protect members of the SLA) started our night at Tahoe Joe's with all the other square white people. We like to go there sometimes because the lemonade is excessive and the waiters look like Strokes rejects. My companions enjoy the steaks and I love the comfort of ordering the same pasta dish everytime we go. What can I say? I'm a sassy old lady set in my ways. After screaming at our waitress and paying the bill we marched off across the parking lot towards our destination.

   We accidently arrived 45 minutes early and decided to sample a few of the other features Edwards has to offer. Who knew then that it would be a triple feature of feces?

- Our first stop was U2 3D (chosen because it was the movie playing that I least wanted to see). I must admit that the concert looked astonishing 3Dized, but the effects made Bono 40% more annoying. This just proves that I'll watch (and probably love) ANYTHING in 3D. I can't wait for Mondo Topless to be rereleased in 3D.

- Next up was Charlie Bartlett. We only caught the last 15 minutes, but trust me, that was more than enough. Anton Yelchin is beige at best. He has a cutesy, jolty way about him that reminds me of a teenage William Shatner. The song sung by the female lead at the end of the flick is quite possibly the worst song I have ever heard. The only thing I enjoyed about the movie was that the cast was insulated with kids from Degrassi. The plot was more than predictable. Do yourself a favor and go rent Ferris Bueller instead. At least you can watch that in your underwear at home eating leftovers.

- And finally we arrived at Be Kind Rewind. 20 minutes into the movie I was trying to take a nap. Mos Def is decent but Jack Black plays the same character he does in every single movie he's ever been in*. Michel Gondry provides some spectacular visuals but the plot is lame- almost to the point of not making sense. I won't give anything away, but the ending is so sugar-coated sweet that Wilford Brimley shows up to hock diabetic supplies. Maybe I'd be singing a different tune if it was in 3D.

*Ok, Jesus' Son was good. I'll give him that