I realized late last night that I have two chances to get my performance as Eunice Hubbell in “A Streetcar Named Desire” just right. I think there have been nights when I have done respectably and one performance when I wanted to apologize to the audience.

I am shaking my head at me.

I saw my friend, Julia, at the matinee yesterday. Bless her heart… fellow actor she always comments specifically on the performance. I asked her, when Sarah walked out… “Don’t you love when Sarah and I laugh at the beginning?!” and she said, “It sounds so real!”

Sarah and I confessed that’s because it usually is real. The last couple times, I think Sheila wished we would just shut up and get on with it.

Two more chances to speak the words so masterfully crafted by Tennessee Williams.

I was in tears last night, thinking about my own tendency to completely soak in each show I am a part of simply because I never know for sure whether I will hit the boards again.

I never assume I will ever be cast again because I might not.

Mom came on Saturday night, along with my cousin Darcy and Emma. I was talking to Rikk backstage and I said, “You know, since what has happened this year, I really need to make each performance my best for her, when she makes a trip from Arizona to see me perform… I mean, each time might be her last time to see me on stage.”

The reality is that is how it ALWAYS is. I never would have thought, last year, that John would be dead now either, but he is… proving you just never know.