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Real Name: Julie Jordan Scott Member Since: April 01, 2005 Last Signed In: January 08, 2009 Profile Views: 10021 Blog Views: 16260 Being Noticeably Better If You Were A Reporter, Telling about YOUR 2008, What Would the Stories be? An Apt Metaphor for Me What did you say? Another Theatre Beginning.... Today's Daily Stuff... Let Me Straighten this Life Coaching Hat.... Preparing to Burn Again WOW! Its been forever and then some As It Should Be, For Me August 06 September 06 October 06 November 06 December 06 January 07 February 07 March 07 April 07 May 07 June 07 July 07 August 07 September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 January 09 
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You Don't Know Me
I wondered if he meant to hurt me, if he calculatedly chose words and phrases that would tear at my most shallow wounds, the veins more prone to leaking. It felt that way. I didn’t know why someone I trusted so much would want to brand me with a hot-iron, scarring labeler like that. Ouch. I felt shock, a jolt of electricity screaming out fire-breath into my profound silence. I sat on my heels, more alone than ever in the past. I was light years from the fire in front of me and the man beside me. I had allowed this hurt to brew since the moment I surrendered to his touch. I chose it, I said yes to it so complaining to it, at this point, was moot. “You don’t know me,” I thought. “You don’t know me,” the blood oozing from my heart, each pulse causing the internal bruises to deepen. You don’t Know Me. I heard the sobs as if they were rising from the coyotes on the hillside, separate. Distant. It took several moments to realize they came from me. 3 comments from 3 users
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posted by
matildakay
on Dec 21, 2006 at 12:51 PM
Ahhh Julie dear... My heart is right there with you. I've heard those words from someone I thought I knew better than myself. And I realized he had let me know only a portion of him... I was heartbroken. You've expressed this moment and heartached beautifully. :)
posted by
anonymous
on Dec 23, 2006 at 01:14 PM
Do you notice that only woman speak this way. I once lost a love and it really hurt, but you know the best thing is that you can love again, turn your life around, make yourself ready for the next one! Time mends and really it is not so bad, because you will meet someone better and why be with someone who does not want you. Plus all men are pigs, well most anyway! Or maybe it was a girl........they can be pigs too!
posted by
JulieJordanScott
on Dec 23, 2006 at 01:30 PM
here its the irony, anonymous and others. this was just a snippet in time - maybe a thirty minute episode. A significant one to me, and one I am still processing. The pain was very real and there are still remnants and echoes and deepenings from it even today, nearly two weeks later. Is what we had over? No, it isn't. Is it bad that I experienced this level of profound pain? No, it isn't. Will we always see eye-to-eye and heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul to those we are the closest? No, we won't. And it is all fine. It is all a process. One of my deepest needs, personally, is to be known for who I am, not for being anyone else. I tried to be someone else for years and it didn't work out very well. Blog posts are, at times, little snippets of time that don't include a PS or a "what comes next" - if this post did, you would know much more. I just loved the writing as it flowed from me and it felt important to post it. I was reminded earlier when I was on my walk that my mother told me when I was a young woman that I shouldn't ever write things down, that people would get angry and my words would come back to haunt me. Then she would say, in the next breath, "You need to be a writer." Talk about confusing. I have wondered since publicly putting these words out there if I should have kept them in my morning pages notebook, for my eyes only. I have to stay with trusting my heart and knowing that for whatever reason, I was supposed to share these publicly, for others as well as myself. Nothing was lost this night, there was only gain. There were two human beings sorting through life's many intriguing twists and turns.
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