I stood outside the backstage door, waiting for “Picnic”
brush up rehearsal to begin.  It was the perfect time for me
to arrive because the folks rehearsing “Dark of the Moon”
were on a break so I found myself surrounded by friendly,
enthusiastic fellow artists, ready to chat and grow
and pass the news of the day.

Kaitlin told me she had heard tremendous things about
my performance in “Picnic”, which I naturally received
with large amounts of gratitude.

With more conversation rumblings of “Show theft” came
up… and some other nuggets and bits and pieces and all
of a sudden I felt myself becoming
increasingly uncomfortable.

The pervasive unconscious thought was, “I am
doing it all wrong.”

There was one piece I was doing wrong. I was feeling
afraid of other people’s assessments and opinions. That
was where the wrongness lived. 

Elizabeth Cady Stanton said, “The moment we begin to fear
the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that
is in us, and from motives of policy are silent wh
no longer flow into our souls.”

Earlier this week I was working on my business and a big
a-ha flooded through me. I wrote, “This isn’t about me,
this is about the rest of the world… this is about
transformation… this is about all helping others to
see in themselves all that is good and right and
perfect about themselves” and all of a sudden
those divine floods of light pooled all around me.

My worry about other people’s opinions of ME vis
a vis my business clouded the way of that flood of
light.  It was just like worrying about the “show
stealing” thing was – for a split second – making
me consider turning the lights down a bit on my
beloved character, Rosemary Sydney.

All artist’s have insecurities. It is what kept
Steinbeck away from writing fiction after winning
the Nobel Prize for Literature and a scathing review
at the same time. It’s what makes artist’s keep
their light hidden, alone and separate.

I waited too long and lived to much of my life
in an artistic tundra to let that happen to me.

Tomorrow – yes, tomorrow – I will be back on stage,
breathing life, and light, and exhilaration back
into this dear character.  Isn’t that the
way it should be?

= + = + = + = + = + = +

"Picnic", written by William Inge and Directed by
Barry Wolcott, won the Pulitzer Prize in 1953. It
explores the hopes, fears, excitement and sorrow
impact the ones we love. It is playing for two
more weekends at Bakersfield Community Theatre.
Make your reservations now by calling 661.831-8114.