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There is a unique energy behind the scenes at a theatre,
during the sacred time when actors and stage crew prepare
to provide an evening of magic for their audience. Just
being there manages to make my heart settle more deeply
into my chest.

Last night I hung out backstage at Rocky Horror rehearsals.
Lots of my friends were there, gathered, preparing.  I
passed out complimentary tickets and chatted, encouraged,
oohed and ahhhed costumes and make-up.

My most important work there, or so it seemed, was to open
my arms and invite people into them, into something that
somehow expands beyond the word “hug.”

The other night I reached out for Billie Joe and as I hugged
him I spoke the words, “I want to breathe you….” which is a
big component of these “expanded beyond the word hug hugs.”

I open my arms, another human being steps into them, I wrap
them up in my arms and hold securely while matching their
breath with my own, conscious, slow, healing breathing.

Last night I breath-hugged Fred and she said, “Wow. That
was the best part of my day.”

I remember when My Muse left Bakersfield, I missed hugging
like this. He and I mastered this form of hugging. I remember
telling him, “I feel like I am walking around, looking
for people to hug me, hold me, breathe with me, and when
they don’t, I almost feel panicked and lost.”

Now, months later – the panic and lost feelings are gone – and
the invitation and pure soul expression is there, in its place.
My intuition guides me towards other souls who are open to
this form of embrace and I simply act upon it, openly,
willingly,receptively.

It has been a month and a day since my brother died. Time
marches on, no matter what. I have learned so much since
that day. One of my recent “a-has” was my response after
hearing the news of John’s death was to get the word out
to as many friends as quickly as possible – mostly theatre
and other artists friends....and I didn’t call it this
at the time, but what I was doing was pouring
my heart into words and making a request – a simple,
universal request.

I was asking my friends to simply love me back.

Love me, back.

Please, love me, back.

It smacked of vulnerability, openness, and willingness
to accept whatever appeared in return.

I open my arms, accept their love in return, and breathe.

It is a big theatre weekend for me,
lots of activity on lots of different
stages as Richard O'Brien's Rocky Horror
Show opens at BCT (I produced that one)
and the One Act Festival holds auditions
(I am producing and directing in that one)
and we begin Tech Week for Streetcar
Named Desire... (I am simply acting
in that one...).

What I am finding, though - is that
the work itself - the getting my hands
and heart deep immersed in the art- is
what I love the most and what I am most
committed to creatively at this point.

This art, I love it, yes....it loves me back.

Richard O’Brien’s Rocky Horror Show opens May 4 at Midnight
at Bakersfield Community Theatre: 2400 S. Chester (just north of
Wilson) and runs for three weekends with shows at Midnight on
Friday and Saturday with 8 PM shows on the first two Saturdays.
Call 831-8114 to make reservations.