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There are lots of things I do "daily" (or almost daily) in order to keep myself feeling relatively ok. I went to a therapist this Winter who said to me, "You sure do a lot to just stay feeling decent. You sure you don't want to try medication?"

Made me laugh. Made me get a new therapist, too, but that's another story.

I write a daily gratitude list, I have just started writing a "daily one sentence journal, and for September I am trying on the practice of Daily Contemplative Prayer. Right now, I am focusing on "Peace" as explained by the pastor of my church on Sunday. Peace as Wholeness, Peace as Completion. I appreciated that so I am following its call into my prayer life this week.

And, as I shared yesterday, I do a daily self portrait... the most recent one is not the world's most flattering and I appreciate its brute honesty.

So - I am not going to blog about politics or sports or entertainment (directly) today. I am going to blog about daily-ness. My own staying sane-ness.

Gratitude:

 Today I am grateful for my Grandfather, who was born 112 years ago today. Because of his willingness to sit outside with me for several hours while I practiced balance, I learned to ride a two wheeler on the fourth of July while I was six years old. The Jordan Family didn’t do training wheels or the whole “running behind the kid while holding on” but apparently Grandpadaddy (that’s what we called him) sensed this Grandchild needed a witness. The next day I learned how to turn and the day after that, Granny and Grandpadaddy headed back to California and if you look on the family movies of their exit, you see me, riding in circles around them in the driveway.

Today I am grateful for my friend, Jennie – who I helped last night write her artist statement. She took me for dinner at one of my favorite places and we had some great, deep conversation.

Today I am grateful for David, with whom I shared a brief phone conversation yesterday as he drove West again. I can’t believe we have only been friends for only two years. Admittedly, they have been a very full, densely lived two years within which he was mostly absent yet ever present in that absence. Mmmm. Poetically felt, my friend, poetically felt.

Today I am grateful for each of my three children for very different reasons. I am grateful I have become such an education advoccate….

Today I am grateful for my American Women in History instructor. She inspired me in ways she probably doesn’t realize yet and it just reminds me that showing up wherever I am called to show up always always always is fruitful… often in surprising ways.

Today, I am grateful.

Daily Sentence Journal: 

Jennie and I wrote, reflected, ate, revelled in our senses and shared deeply while I wondered, aloud and silently – “What is this?”

Processing about Daily Contemplative Prayer:

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Sometimes I feel embarassed to admit I take a photo
self portrait almost every day. People tend to
think this is awfully ego-centric. They further
think that one who takes self portrait photos
every-single-day must have some form of bloated
opinion of oneself.

Nothing could be further from the truth in my case.

I started taking self portraits every day as
a sort of game, an experiment. I didn't really
think I would make it all the way through.

I didn't realize how much I would discover along
the path, either. It was more "here is another
way to practice my photography skills."

What I created was a way to keep in close contact
with myself - my soul self - while I was in the
midst of a lot of turmoil in my personal life.

I was able to step back for a moment each day and
simply aim the camera and shoot, most of the time
without a definitive plan or idea.

Just live in the moment and click.

Check out the composition and what was captured
and try again.

I don't work with a remote, I can't see what I
am taking as the image is caught, I don't have
a tripod or any extra equipment.

What I do have is a desire to live passionately
in each moment.

It must be a divine thing, this project.

This was a year when I often fell into a wordless
place. There was too much emotion coming into play,
emotion that wasn't easily encapsulated with
letters-strung-together.

The images of myself in photos helped bridge a gap to
greater understanding. I was doing two distinctively
different tasks simultaneously.

I was following the guidance of Czeslaw Milosz when
he suggested, "Love means to look at oneself the
way one looks at distant things."

I was also following the wisdom of
Georgia O'Keefe, who has a different perspective when
she said, "Nobody sees a flower - really - it is
so small it takes time - we haven't time - and
to see takes time, like to have a friend
takes time."

Looking at my self portraits is like taking a tiny
flower into my hands and staring at it, detachedly,
close up and minutely and then, from a distant
place, a wistful and reminiscing place as
Milosz suggests.

Soft, undemanding, curious, slightly fuzzy AND
microscopic, intense, tactile,intimate.

What way are you looking at your life?

What can you do to actively see yourself as a
flower, taking time and stepping away and looking
at yourself from a distance?

Consider. Take conscious action. Activate Your Passion.