Whew! Thank goodness Valentine's Day is behind us but that reminds me how this special day used to mean buying flowers for your favorite girl to show her how much she was adored. Alas, though, Valentine's Day is getting weed whacked by environmentalists determined to end flowercide and Global Warming.

     According to environmentalists, buying Valentine's flowers is committing flowercide because most of the "death merchants" (retailers) cut the stems and put them in vases for their customers. Later, in a couple days, the flowers die an ignoble death. Further, the greenhouses where flowers are enslaved are compared to Nazi concentration camps.

     Environmentalists also warn that transporting flowers via trucks, airplanes, and cars is damaging the environment through carbon emissions, a cause of Global Warming.

     Fortunately, environmentalists are also educating people to grow their own flowers in earth friendly pots instead of buying them. This way, the proponents say, the flowers are nurtured with dignity.

     While thinking about an earth friendly Valentine's Day, a recent survey gave me pause about all this romance stuff. It seems many Englanders are mighty ignorant about the mechanics of preventative procreation.

     One out of three Englanders believe a woman can prevent pregnancy by jumping up and down while taking a pee pee. The survey suggests there is "widespread confusion and misunderstanding" about preventative procreation and educators are calling  for schools to take over educating children about sex.

     I would like to add that maybe a license to engage in procreational recreations could help, too. We have driver's licenses don't we? Why shouldn't sex be licensed? It used to be!

     Consider it, some 30 million mixed up Englanders will engage in Valentine's Day related entertainments and at least a third of them likely believe something like jumping up and down will keep Olivia Ovum from meeting Sparky Sperm.

     Well, I guess it is time to give some sage day-after type advice to our Valentiners and for this purpose I have consulted my good friend Saki who says, "In baiting a mouse-trap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse." 

     Ah, so that's what those flowers are really all about!