A blog about Kern County and Arts & Entertainment.
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Country Music Lovers Please Instincts Costume party contest winners!!! Management lesson Retirement Living TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS Sperm Bank I'VE GOT $5.00 THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!! Are you getting old? Age Test Kenny the Dragon Slayer] Funny!!! August 07 September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 January 09 
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How do you feel about going out to see a country Band that plays music that you know and love as well as some creative originals? A band that is not so loud that you can't really make out the lyrics. A band that plays requests and a variety of genres. If you are still reading please tell me how you feel about loud bands verses quality sound bands. If you like are like us then you are on track with the very best musicians around. Most of you have heard of Big House with the Byroms. Same guys are the Side Show Band but more Country and Classic Rock covers for the night club scene. The Side show Band Is going to take this town by storm and you yes you should know about it. The band is front man Randy Emmett, Tanner Byrom on Drums, Ron Mitchell on Bass, Chuck Seaton on guitar, and Louie Marino and Guitar. These are definitely some of the best musicians this side of Nashville and you don't even know about this band... Get wit it and go see us you will be glad you did. Check out our schedule at www.myspace.com/thenoelemmettband talk to me what do you say.
Two ladies are chatting in a bar and the first lady says my instincts are telling me that I'm pregnant. The second lady says well my end stinks too but it's not talking.
We had a bunch of fun dressing up for a costume party on Saturday night... Lots of people took pictures of us and wow we actually won a $60 gift certificate to a selection of nice resturants. Thanks to Nick and Michelle's awsome party. We had a blast thanks for the invite and the cool prize too. We made it over to Narducci's afterwards but is was pretty late by then but we had a great time.
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else... One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $ 1,000 if you let me screw you." But the girl said "NO!" Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up". She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $ 2,000, then pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down". So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...... She said, "The bastard used coins!!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's "entirety" before agreeing to it and getting screwed !!! As we all know, sometimes we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! You can Live in California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. You can Live in New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature," 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You can Live in Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You can Live in the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc. You can live in Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You can live in the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!" AND You can live in Florida where.. 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds. Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." AND NOW FOR THE #1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." A woman is working late at a sperm bank. All of a sudden a man breaks through the window with a ski mask on and a gun in his hand. He looks at the woman and says,
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Local time is currently Fri Jan 9, 2009 4:59:58 am PST
Bakotopia is 100% local to Bakersfield, CA, USA
