Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn't racist.
Chuck Norris likes to "knit sweaters" in his spare time, and by "knit" I mean "kick", and by "sweaters" I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can "accidentally" roundhouse kick kids in the neck.
Every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings.
A little known fact, The second pope actually went through the bible before it was mass produced and replaced the name Chuck Norris with God.
Mcguyver once tried to give Chuck Norris advice on diffusing a bomb. Chuck Norris then disemboweled Mcguyver using a plastic spoon, a wooden nickel, and the left arm of a midget… yes, a live midget.
Chuck Norris doesn't pray to god, god prays to Chuck
Pictures of the Berlin Wall falling do not show Chuck Norris on the opposite side, roundhouse kicking the shit out of it.
Ever wondered why Hawaii is so far out in the Pacific? It used to be a small pineapple-producing island 20 miles off the coast of San Diego. During one visit, Chuck Norris ate a bad pineapple…The rest, my friends, is history
Hockey players, football players, soldiers, and yes women, never had to wear pads before chuck norris was born.
A cashier once asked Chuck Norris, "Paper or plastic." Chuck Norris replied, "If you say so," and roundhouse kicked her in the face.
Once, between scenes on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, an actor asked Chuck, "Why do you always deliver roundhouse kicks to the bad guys? Why don't you mix it up?" Norris bit his lip and replied, "Good idea." Bad idea. After shooting, Chuck asked the man to meet him in the alley behind the studio. Here, Chuck roundhouse kicked the man 37 times in the face, all the while saying, "What now, bitch?"
Chuck Norris was turning blue when he was born. The doctors turned him upside down and slapped his butt. Chuck Norris, the first infant to successfully perform a roundhouse kick.
Scruff McGruff once urged Chuck Norris to "take a bit outta crime" Chuck Norris promptly decapitated the mutt with his Righteous Beard of Fury.
Before e-mail was invented, chuck norris would attatch messages to kittens and roundhouse them.
chuck norris lost his viginity before his dad did
Chuck Norris doesn't need to shower. Dirt is too scared to touch him.
150,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris related accidents every year.
Chuck Norris isn't cool, cool models itself after Chuck Norris.
When someone sneezes, God says Chuck Bless you.
Chuck Norris knows the secret to world peace, He just thinks its more fun to kill people
Someone once told Chuck Norris his hair looked good. He roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him that he made the hair look good.
People often wonder about the origin of Chuck Norris's cowboy boots… There is no origin, they have always been, and have coexisted with Chuck since the beginning.
chuck norris doesn't need air, air needs chuck norris.
While on a nature trek in Wasington State, Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on a rock and proceeded to deliver the tiny rock a roundhouse. This event is also known as the Mt. St Helens eruption of May 1980.
Chuck norris owns the internet, he didn't buy it, nor did he invent it, it was a peace offering.
chuck norris doesn't use a phone. He just screems out the window till he gets who/what he wants.
Chuck Norris is the President of the USA, bush is just his pet chimp.
Rocks learn from Chuck Norris on how to be rocks.
Chuck Norris' urine can dissolve a cast iron shotput in fifteen and a half minutes.
Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his body while skydiving in Equador.
Chuck Norris solo-ed Everest in shorts and a tank-top.
The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Coleman. He has not grown since.
chuck norris plays darts using sharpend babys
Michael Jordan owns a Chuck Norris jersey.
A deal was once made between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee during the filming of Enter the Dragon where Bruce would defeat Chuck in a fight. No one knows the conditions of that deal but Mr. Lee died "mysteriously" soon after leaving behind only one witness who claims there was a flash of light and a single roundhouse kick. that witness is now dead. by reading this, you have become a threat to Chuck Norris. if you cant see him right now, you may already be dead.
If you have a dollar and Chuck Norris has a dollar… Chuck Norris would round house kick you and take your dollar.
If at first you don't succeed …call Chuck Norris you fuckin pussy
the true story of how the ninja turtles came into existence is that chuck norris ate a live turtle….. when he shit, the turtle was now 6 ft tall and a master in martial arts
According to Newton's laws of physics, Chuck Norris can Roundhouse kick you in the face yesterday.
chuck norris can make rocks bleed
One time, Chuck Norris saw an ant walking off of his California ranch with a bread crumb. He proceeded to deliver a vicious roundhouse kick to the ant's head. The ant disintegrated. The land surrounding the ant is now referred to as the San Andreas Fault.
chuck Norris' farts are irresistable to women. This is now canned and know as Axe Body Spray
Chuck Norris proceded to walk toward my car, and upon arrival he ripped out my cd player, ate it, then shit out an MP3 player.
After getting severely pissed off from hearing a Nickelback song on the radio, Chuck Norris had sex with Barbara Walters, thus creating the Tazmanian Devil.
Chuck Norris' sperm is so potent that he has to wear lead underwear to avoid impregnating every women is his vicinity.
It took five women three years to give birth to Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was in elementary school, he had to write an assay on 'courage'. He wrote two words; "Chuck Norris".
A reindeer didn't run over grandma it was Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris originally had a twin brother. Unfortunately chuck norris is incapable of loving anyone but chuck norris, so he swiftly roundhouse kicked his brother to death while in the womb. He even managed to plant evidence that his mother had caused the premature death.
Chuck Norris has in some way played a part in all of the natural disasters this earth has ever seen. For this reason, Chuck Norris is also known as "Mother Nature". On a related note, Chuck Norris has found a way to simultaneously breathe and exhale, thus creating the tornado. Four out of five people agree this is true. That fifth person was killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is black from the waist down.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris stood before a judge and asked him, "If my balls were on your chin, where do you think my penis would be?" The judge looked at him questioningly, and Chuck Norris followed with, "No further questions."
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck norris once urinated in a small stream in california this was soon called the great gold rush
No one has ever made eye contact with Chuck Norris. Attempting to do so is asking for a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris helps out NASA by throwing astronauts into space.
Chuck Norris can rhyme a word with 'orange'. The word means 'roundhouse kick' in badass.
Chuck Norris does not value money. He instead pays for goods and services with the teeth of his enemies.
Chuck Norris is not himself until he consumes a case of man juice. Man juice is what Chuck Norris calls beer and/or kitten blood.
Chuck Norris was once asked why Walker Texas Ranger was cancelled. He immediately took off his shirt and started doing situps. There is no further information at this time.
Chuck Norris never losses at hide-n-seek.
Chuck Norris once killed 182 people with only six bullets.
God himself has a Chuck Norris poster in his living room.
When Chuck Norris used to go trick or treating with his son, he did not wear a costume, but would ring the door bell and wait while crouching in a position ready to attack. One time, an old woman opened the door and asked politely, "what are you supposed to be?" Naturally, Chuck was offended that the woman did not recognize his trademark face and proceeded to roundhouse kick her in the chest. After her body exploded with one kick, Chuck left the body, grabbed all of the candy, and fled. To this day, everyone in Chuck's hometown leaves their Halloween candy outside in a bowl.
Had Chuck Norris played Neo in "The Matrix" series rather than Keanu Reeves, they would've found Zion halfway into the first movie.
WWCND….What Would Chuck Norris Do? give you one big roundhouse kick to the face is what he'd do
When in combat and under heavy fire, Chuck Norris wears a bullet proof vest. Not because he's afraid the bullets will kill him, but because he's a little ticklish.
Chuck Norris is the only man to have played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and win.
It wasn't Moses that parted the red sea…..it was chuck norris' spinning back kick
