The Adventures of Oildale Olie: Chapter One: Olie Gets a Lesson in Sophistocation

by Bruce L. Thiessen, Ph.D., aka Dr. BLT 

Oildale Olie’s 70s-style retro refrigerator was bereft of Bud, so he headed off to Trout's Bar to pound back a few cold brews.  It was a hot August night in Oildale, California, and the fan in Olie’s trailer was not producing enough relief. To add to his misery, Olie had just been dumped by another Bakersfield beauty for the same two reasons: He was too damned old, and, above all, he wasn’t “refined” enough. This was the third time in a row that he had been given these same two reasons for a tormenting break-up. 

“She dumped you because you ain’t refined enough? Why you work at a refinery, ain’t that refined enough?” The bartender had good intentions with her half-baked humor, but this time she was not successful in getting Olie to sport his trademark toothless grin. 

“These young uns from Bakersfield ain’t what they used to be,” Olie declared.  “Why back in the day they was content to be with any man that was man enough to pay the bills and beat any other man who showed them the slightest sign of disrespect, now they wanche to be sophisticated. Well, I’ll tell you what, this time I aim to be jest that---sophisticated." 

Sarah sighed and filled his frosty glass with more Bud.  “Okay, I’ll be your shrink, Olie, but I expect a check in the mail at the first of the month.” She smiled, and sported a toothless grin of her own.

This time Olie gave a half-grin, as he sported a sliver from a peanut shell stuck between his only lower two front teeth.  “You’ve got yerself a deal, Sarah dear,” he said.

“Well, I ain’t the most sophisticated dame in town, Olie, but I do have a few tips on gittin’ them gals to see you as young and hip. Hang out at Dagny’s and chat with them city slickers over there.  Drop a few names of local artists. 

“You mean folks like Red Simpson, Tommy Hays and Larry Petree?” Olie chugged down another gulp of bud, and then cleared his throat as he displayed a proud facial expression. 

“No, Olie, those fellas deserve respect, but they’re from Bakersfield’s old school.  I’m talking about the new acoustic folk of Howard Owens and Acoustic Diary.  I’m talking about them alternative bands, like them whippersnappers Korn, or Rat Funk or Moonshine Deathbed,” Sarah exclaimed.

“Hmmm.  Moonshine Deathbed, now there’s an act I kin git inta,” noted Olie.

“Yep, and don’t forget blues artists like Jerry Rothberg or Fat Daddy, or that modern reggae roots band, OP Stylee.  Then there are them DJs like DJ Eargasm, and the new rockabilly acts like Dusk Devils, not to mention Emo bands like Time for a Film or the experimental sounds of A Friend to Progress. And if you wanna impress ‘em wit yer cross-cultural sophistication, drop the name of the Spanish rock group, Under Zero.”

Olie took out a note pad and began taking notes.  He really should be heading home because he doesn’t hold his liquor well.  But before he goes, do you blog visitors have any more advice to offer Oildale Olie, or any more local bands or artists to add to his fund of knowledge on the subject? If you do, offer them in the comments section below. 

 
***The story you have just read is not intended to reinforce or perpetuate stereotypes of Oildale residents.  In fact, the writer of this blog has been known to refer to himself disparagingly as “White Trash with an Education.”