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Welcome to Twitty Tuesday.  I'm Dr BLT.  I'll be your host.  Today we're going to take an up close and personal look at the lyrics to Conway Twitty's big hit, Hello Darlin':

Hello darlin' nice to see ya
it's been a long time
you're just as lovely as you used to be
how's your new love are you happy
hope you're doin' fine
just to know it means so much to me

It's hard to be friendly with someone who has betrayed you, or somebody that has not only left you unforgiven for something terrible that you've done, but someone whose inability to forgive you eventually led that person to walk out the door. 

The question is, why would somebody cause so much pain to a loved one, that the loved one would walk?  Then again, did the person simply use the wrong you committed as an excuse for leaving you in the dark? 

Renounce post-Freudian psychological theorist, Henry Murray believes that we produce tension in relationships just so we can go about trying to reduce that tension.  In other words, we all have an unconsious need for drama in our lives. 

What's that darlin' how am I doin
I'm doin' alright except I can't sleep I cry all night 'till dawn
What I'm tryin' to say is I love you and I miss you and I'm so sorry that I did you wrong

Henry Murray believes that physiological processes are central to functioning, and central to the understanding of dysfunction. And, in terms of physiological phenomena, sleep and appetite are a couple of the first things to be impacted by emotional distress. 

Tears are a mechanism of release, the lachrymal paroxysms are instrumental to the recovery process. The problem is, most men have a problem with the association between crying and weakness.  As I said once in a song, singin' is a man's way of cryin' and this song goes a long way towards releasing "man tears." 

Look up darlin' let me kiss you
just for old times sake
let me hold you in my arms one more time...

Murray would look at these lines as an expression of what he referred to as "prepotency."  It has to do with that certain urgency or importuning insistence that often accompanies an unfulfilled need. 

...Goodbye darlin' I gotta go now
gotta try to find a way to lose these memories of a love so warm and true
and if you should ever find it in your heart to forgive me
come back darlin' I'll be waitin' for you

The memories Twitty is attempting to lose in this song represent what Murray would refer to as "press."  Press is short for "pressure." Press can have its origins in the enviornment, or in events from the past that form a representation in memory.  Memories are most often emotionally-charged.  The more intimate the memories, the more intense the pain, when the object of that intimacy leaves the scene.

What we get, in Murray's terms, when the need for intimacy meets the pressure (in this case, generated by emotionally-charged memories in this case), is something he calls "amalgamation." 

Now, how does childhood development fit into the mix, according to Murray?  Well, childhood experiences and the memories they produce can lead to various complexes.  For example, the trauma of birth, involving an abrupt exit from the security of the womb can contribute to what Murray described as a "Claustral complex."  

If a child is mollycoddled for too long, letting go of the "oral complex (sensual enjoyment associated with sucking from the breast and other transitional objects)," can produce trauma that rears its ugly head in adult intimate relationships when an unhealthy dependency is followed by what is perceived as unbearable rejection or abandonment.  

Hello Darlin' is much more than a love letter.  It is an attempt to reduce the tension that comes from being unforgiven, rejected and abandoned by the object of one's love.  The degree of success one will have in reducing that tension will, in most cases, depend on the degree to which unresolved childhood conflicts rear their ugly heads to intensify and complicate things.  

Sadly, when prepotency is at an overwhelming high level, when urgency is greatest, and when solicitous insistence on rapprochement is greatest, the search for resolution or the effort to find tension-reduction represents an ineffably illusive quest. 

The moral of the story, if you haven't figured it out by now, is this: Do your best to create a safe, secure enviornment for your child or children.  When children feel secure, they grow up better equipped to handle the bumps on life's treacherous road.