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Kristle's Big Adventure
Last night was weird. My daughter had been packing and unpacking for about a week preparing for her Monache Band trip to Atlanta. And the day finally came last night. We both knew she was leaving but neither one of us were talking about it. Even when I took her to buy her last minute stuff and asked her if she needed anything else I was still in denial.
Oh, she’s gone to plenty of places without me. She goes to visit her dad regularly, sometimes for weeks at a time. It doesn’t happen very often, though since we can’t stand to be away from each other for long periods of time. My heart aches when my baby girl is gone for too long. And I think the same happens to her, since she calls me twenty times a day just to say “hi” when she’s with her dad. We have this bond that I can’t describe. It’s a bond I’m convinced you wouldn’t understand unless you’re a mother.
At first, everything was fine. She was looking forward to this all year. I was still in denial. She got all her last minute items ready.
I finally allowed myself to be a little bit excited for her. It’s her first trip outside of California. They are competing against some big schools. They’ve been preparing for this moment all year long! I couldn't help but be a little big excited even in the midst of all my maternal instincts to hug her and not ever let her go.
“What should I put in my carry on bag, mom?” she asked.
I thought about it for half a second then said, “Pack an extra change of clothes and underwear, aspirin, Dramamine, and a toothbrush, just in case you get stuck in an airport somewhere due to bad weather.” I also told her to carry a blanket and pillow and dress comfortably.
You just never know.
Then evening came. So many things started running through my mind. The little bit of excitement I had quickly turned into sheer horror. Again, I started thinking of everything that could wrong.
I was afraid she didn't pack enough warm clothes. “What if she freezes?”
I was afraid she packed too much. “What if she has to pay for the extra pounds at the airport when she checks her bags?”
I was afraid she’d be petrified on the airplane due to turbulence or bad weather and I wouldn’t be there to hug her and tell her that it's normal and everything is going to be OK.
I also started thinking what if she gets so homesick and there won't be anything I can do about it. “Who’s gonna hug her and reassure her that it’s only a week, and it will be over before she knows it?”
But my fears don’t stop there. What if the opposite happens? What if she loves it so much she'll want to run away from home and join the Atlanta Circus and stay in Atlanta forever? What if when she does finally come home she’s toothless and married to a carnie?
What if she gets lost from her group and ends up living in the streets for days forced to beg for money until they realize she's missing and send out a search party? What if... oh just stop there Norma, before you drive yourself into insanity. You're not too far off already.
Then it was time to drop her off. I hugged her, and we held on tight. She didn’t want to let to go. I didn’t want her to let go. I couldn’t breathe. If I did I was afraid I’d start bawling and beg her to stay.
Suddenly I realized that tears were flowing from her beautiful brown eyes. Her own anticipation had somehow turned into sheer panic from one minute to the next. It must have somehow transferred over from me to her. Oh no!
That’s when I knew I had to be tough. I knew she was thinking of all that could wrong too. She was starting to freak out. She said, “I don’t want to go mom. I don’t want to go.” I almost lost it. But I knew if I started crying it would just makes things worse and I didn’t want to do that to her. I didn’t want to make her first big adventure about me. This is her night. I could have said, “Don’t go.” I could have allowed her fears to get the better of her, just as I’d allowed them to get the better of me.
But I didn’t. I hugged her tight once more. Then I told her everything was going to be OK. But I didn’t let go until she was ready. FinallyI think she felt my strength (even if it was fake.. I felt like bawling too) and it transferred over to her. She hugged her boyfriend, her brothers, and she was off.
Damn! My baby girl is all grown up. When the hell did this happen and why didn't anybody wake me up to warn me it was happening? And now she’s off on her very first adventure outside of California.
myopr.com/articles/2006/12/26/news/local_state/ne ws2.txt
9 comments from 5 users
1
posted by
anonymous
on Dec 26, 2006 at 11:14 AM
Oh Norma, that made me cry. But rest assured, you have a friend in Atlanta that can be there in a heart beat if your precious baby needs help! All you have to do is call my name and I'm there for you! ~~~ Becky - RFT
posted by
twinkie
on Dec 26, 2006 at 11:53 AM
Becky, knowing you're only a phone call away is honestly the ONE thing that calmed my nerves last night. I actually pictured you driving to the Chik--Fil-A bowl to take her a pair of clean socks. haha yeah, that's another thing I worried about. That she didn't pack enough socks and her feet would be cold. posted by
JulieJordanScott
on Dec 27, 2006 at 06:02 AM
Ohhh, our babies DO grow up.... my fifteen--year-old will be next and I know it won't be easy for me, either! That hug I sent keeps giving, you know. LOL. Keep using it!
posted by
twinkie
on Dec 27, 2006 at 01:11 PM
I Love You Momma. Kristel
*message my daughter posted on my myspage page, after reading this blog entry! She's called me a few times, excited about her trip. They went to the ESPN Zone last night. They stayed up till the wee hours of the morning in the hotel room just being girls. Today they are going to some amusement park. She says the only thing is they don't have a lot of down time. I told her Atlanta is a long way to travel just to relax and she should enjoy every minute of it and soak it all in. But steer clear of carnies. :) posted by
anonymous
on Dec 28, 2006 at 03:07 PM
Carnies. LMAO It's the off Season right now Norma. Atlanta is quite the cosmopolitan town these days too, not some skid row Southern hickville. Just tell your daughter to stick with her group and not go anywhere that isn't on the itinerary. I'm sure they'll keep her hopping. Heehee. You rock Norma. Such a good Mommy!
>>Skank<< posted by
twinkie
on Jan 1, 2007 at 08:30 PM
They came home national winners! whoo hooo!
www.portervillerecorder.com/articles/2006/12/30/n ews/local_state/news3.prt posted by
gustavo
on Jan 19, 2007 at 07:30 PM
how cute!! I can' t believe she's your daughter. You guys look like sisters :)
posted by
twinkie
on Jan 20, 2007 at 08:37 AM
awww! thank you!
posted by
Daydreamer
on Mar 14, 2007 at 12:16 PM
Your daughter is adorable and I love that you two are so close. You are such a good mommy! I feel the same way about my son! (I know this is late but Congrats on the win!)
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