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Bird Murderer
Saturday morning I was a woman on a mission. I had a big bag of oranges and tons of orange cookies to make. My oven is broken so the baking was going to happen in Bakersfield, at my sister, the Raven’s house. I woke up the kids and while they got dressed I made my daughter and me a “café con leche”, got my baking supplies ready and loaded them up in the car. Then we were off!
Twenty minutes later while driving on Hwy 65 we hear a loud “POP.” I look at my windshield. Sure enough there it was… the dreaded dime shaped spider webbed crack. DAMMIT!
“Oh my God, mom, what happened?" Kristel asked in obvious disbelief.
“We just got hit by a rock.” I said calmly.
“Our windshield is cracked! WHAT? HOW? What are we going to do? That’s gonna take a lot of money to replace it hu?” she asked, still panicked at the sight of the crack.
“Hopefully they can just repair it" I replied. I called the Raven and asked her to find me a windshield repair place that opened on Saturdays. I didn't want to wait until Monday in case it spread.
The calmness in my voiced reassured my daughter that it wasn’t a big deal as long as it was handled promptly. We continued on Hwy 65 without any more worries. Her listening to her iPod, and me in deep thought.
I started to think about the last time I had something come at me like that and causing similar damage. It was back in 1996. I was living in McFarland and working in Porterville. I was driving along, lost in thought, enjoying nature and the innocence of life surrounding me. I was admiring the different type of birds on the side of the road, some in groups, circling each other as if they were innocent little kids playing their childhood games.
Then BAAAAAAAAAAAM. One of the birds hit my windshield head on. He looked right at me, it’s beak bent, it's little face tightly compressed up against my windshield. It was as if life slowly drained out of it right before my very eyes. I screamed. And I cried. It looked at me with it's beady little eyes as if saying, “Why? Why did you kill me? Murderer!”
It finally slid down the windshield and rolled off with a few thumps, leaving behind a small crack on the windshield in remembrance of my actions.
"Oh my God!" I thought, "my first animal murder."
Sadness overwhelmed me as I thought about it's baby birdies calmly awaiting the return of their mamma who was out getting food for them.
Tears streamed down my face blurring my vision. I no longer saw the wonder of nature. I no longer saw the rows and rows of the majestic agricultural life. I no longer noticed the birds playing their games, circling, full of joy and life and innocence. I just saw death. It grabbed a hold of me, choking me until I couldn’t breathe. I cried inconsolably the rest of the way. I couldn't shake off the feeling of being a birdy murderer.
I managed to get through the day and only cried a few more times while confessing my murder to my coworkers. They couldn’t understand what the big deal was. It wasn’t my fault they said. They reminded me that the bird ran into me, not the other way around. It didn’t make it less painful. I killed nature and it weighed heavy in my heart. All this changed the next morning as I woke up and my WHOLE WINDSHIELD was cracked. The small dime sized blemish had spread like wildfire! Stupid ass frikkin' bird! Shit! Damn! #$#&* What the hell was it thinking running into me like that? Why couldn't it have committed it's birdy suicide elsewhere? Jerk ass mothacracker! Suddenly all the pain and guilt disappeared and was replaced by anger. His eyes no longer screamed out, "MURDERER!" Instead, they taunted me. That bird knew what it was doing to me and it was laughing at me, even after death. Thinking back, it probably wasn't even a momma bird. It was probably a rebel teenage bird playing chicken with it's other stupid teenage rebel bird friends. They probably dared him to fly towards me and then veer off at the last minute. A teenage birdy tragedy that cost it's life, and me $500. I did learn one thing, however... a cracked windshield can't wait. You have to repair them as soon as possible. So this past Saturday, I did just that.
23 comments from 8 users
posted by
woofwoof
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:33 AM
Thats not so bad,,try turning your car on,,WITH A CAT IN THE ENGINE,see how that makes you feel,,ya I AM A CAT KILLER from the big freeze in 90,, And I had to get these strange men to take the PIECES of it out of my car.I wasnt deaf at that time and had heard a yelp when I turned my car on. I thought thats weird,,went to the video store. It bugged me so I looked under my car and what do I see? two PAWS hanging out of under my car,,MIND YOU I WAS 7 month pregnant,,yup. I TOO AM A MURDERER!
posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:36 AM
Great story, Norma. I love it!!! RFT posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:36 AM
OMG! I'm clutching the imaginary pearls around my neck at the thought of your mama bird trauma... then LMAO at your change of heart once you realized it was going to cost you money.  The bird would have made Alfred Hitchcock proud, yes? --Diamond posted by
HappyFeet
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:37 AM
OMG! That is so funny! I liked your sudden 180 degree turn there. ha! ha! What a dumb bird! :P
posted by
twinkie
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:41 AM
OK you guys have to 'fess up like woofs did.... so I can feel better about my murder. WHO ELSE HAS KILLED BEFORE? Please share! diamond... hahaha clutching your imaginary pearls.. hahaha YES that bird is definitely for the books. Happy Feet... yes... stupidass bastard bird! Do you remember George Costanza on Seinfeld? "We had a pact" posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:46 AM
Aren't we all murderers at one point or another? All them damn spiders have it coming. Of course I can't kill them in case they try to attack me while doing so, but I have made many people do the killing for me. And yes, spiders do taunt. They also gang up on you when there's more than one of them in a room. Ugh, I hate thinking about it. Anyway, great story! I was feeling bad for you and then wham! You turned it around and made me laugh. CD posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 10:52 AM
I dunno....murder is such a strong word.  Involuntary, vehicular mammalslaughter. Yes? I've experienced the Bam! and speedbump that I knew wasn't there yesterday.  Then came the frozen stare as I refused to look into my rearview mirror and identify what animal I might have added to the extinction statistics. --Diamond posted by
twinkie
on Jan 16, 2007 at 11:01 AM
Involuntary, vehicular mammalslaughter YES..... much better.... and less guilt! hehe oh man... that just reminded me of the cat that wouldn't go away. It was crossing the freeway.. and my tire was the unlucky killer... but then somehow it got stuck? So I'm driving along all the while hearing a "thumpTHUMPthump.... thumpTHUMPthump" now THAT one made me sick to my stomache and still does when I think about it. posted by
woofwoof
on Jan 16, 2007 at 11:35 AM
OH I killed another cat about a month ago,two kittens running across the street,, one made it,,, I split the thing open,,I FELT SO BAD,,ya I am a cat killer!!!
posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 11:42 AM
I was visiting a friend when I was about 8 years old. I was holding her hamster and I was saying it was soooo cute, while squeezing it, well, I squeezed a little too hard, and it died :( I will never forget how bad I felt.                                                                                                                                     ~ally posted by
twinkie
on Jan 16, 2007 at 12:09 PM
Oh nooooooooo! ally... that's awful. I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I honestly did cry the whole day when I killed that bird. I can still see it's little beaky face staring at me.
posted by
likhy2
on Jan 16, 2007 at 01:32 PM
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Â Actually it's not that funny...Shame on you Bird Killer! Â Nah! It is funny...Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posted by
twinkie
on Jan 16, 2007 at 01:34 PM
Sal.... I am a bird killer. But you're a mouse serial killer! hahaha.
posted by
anonymous
on Jan 16, 2007 at 02:50 PM
I killed a whole family of racoons.....yep--a momma and her 3 babies. It was 5am and I was on my way to work .....I was 18 years old and I cried about it the whole day! So, I too am a murderer! Great story Norma! ~Kelly posted by
twinkie
on Jan 16, 2007 at 02:54 PM
OMG Kelly! How did you manage to kill the whole family? Were they in the middle of the road or something? Well, at least it wasn't a family of skunks!
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