Big Mickey: (while helping me make dinner.. carne asada tacos):Mom, when they cook a cow, how do they get all the poop out of it first?

then a few minutes later I know why pigs have short noses. It's because they bumped themselves into a wall. It's true. Stop laughing. I read it in a book once


Annequin: (after watching the Milli Vanilli video and dancing with me he attempts to do the splits in an attempt to show me up then says as he "lands it" UH, MOM, ummmm you better call the doctor

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"Hey you should blog about the time we put on that show for the neighborhood kids, remember?" Dorp said.

"OH I KNOW! That'd be a good one, hu?" I replied. "But do me a favor, email YOUR VERSION OF EVENTS so I can compare them to mine."

So she did. And she did such a great job that there is no way I could change it ONE LITTLE BIT. So here it is. The RED writing is my commentary. The rest is ALL DORP!

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Well, this is how I remember it.  We were the bad asses on the block...and all of those little punks wanted to be just like us! No, really.  I'm being serious.  (CLEARLY SHE'S SERIOUSLY DELIRIOUS)

So...when we proposed we were going to present a play they came a running with money in hand.  As I recall it, you did a dance scene with some goofy/retarded skirt. (WHAT??? I LOVED THAT SKIRT!!!!)  It was longer than you...so there you were...holding the bottom of both sides with your arms stretched out like you were about to take off flying or something. (DEAR GOD, MAKE ME A BIRD.. SO I CAN FLY FAR FAR AWAY)

 The dance sucked. (HEY DAMMIT.. THE DANCE WAS GOOD. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SUCK.. IT WAS A FUNNY DANCING SKIT!)

 I'm cracking up right now...cuz I'm getting a visual.  I think we TRIED to impress the HUGE crowd with some magic tricks.  Clearly, there was no freakin' magic. 

I think we started getting booed at this point.  (THEY JUST DIDN'T RECOGNIZE REAL TALENT.. I TELL YAH!)

If we had given them some tomatoes, I'm pretty sure they would have used them...or heck, they would have taken them home and at least have gotten something with the big money they spent to watch us!  We tried to recover from it and told some jokes. 

Nobody laughed, but I'm heck a laughing right now!  I'm rolling.

We sucked bad!  You tried to save it with singing.  It was obvious you were winging it.  Sorry Norms...that sucked too. (HA... DON'T HOLD BACK GIRL, TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!) 

THEN the worst thing imaginable happened.  They asked for their pennies back! (IT WASN'T PENNIES IT WAS NICKLES) We thought we were savvy entreprenuers headed to the big time...all the way to the top.  We were gonna be rich, rich I say!

But there we were...humiliated, handing our audience of five people their money back.  We almost were 25 cents richer!  Hey!  Don't knock that quarter, cuz that was a lot of darned money back then.  We could have easily bought ourselves tons of gum and candy. (THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO LAUGH BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE OLD. WE USED TO RUN OUR ASSES TO THE STORE WITH ONE QUARTER TO SPLIT BETWEEN THE THREE OF US, ME, DORP AND GOOCHER..AND IT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH.) 

Those little bastards took their money back and then went to Eloy's Market and spent it.  THEN they came back and stood in the alley right outside your fence and licked on those freakin' lolly pops.  Jerks! (YES... BUT THEN WE RENTED OUT OUR BIKES AND CHARGED THEM A NICKLE TO TAKE IT FOR A RIDE DOWN THE ALLEY AND BACK SO WE RECOUPERATED SOME OF OUR MONEY BACK)

That's when I decided I was not cut out to be a movie star.  As a matter of fact, I think we're infamous enough for E! to do a documentary about us.  Hey, we're MORE interesting than Paris Hilton or lame Nichole Richie.  Heck, we done more outrageous and/or exciting things than they have...and we have brains!! (WE ACTUALLY DO .. OUTRAGEOUS/EXCITING THINGS ALL THE TIME.. NOT TOO SURE ABOUT HAVING THE BRAINS THING THOUGH!)  I think people would watch.  They love to see failure when it's not them. 

Oh...and I don't want to forget to mention that one of those audience members was your longtime Crush...

Remember!  HA! Hilarious! (HMMM MAYBE THAT'S WHY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN US. NAH, ACTUALLY THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T GROW BOOBS TILL MY SECOND CHILD WAS BORN WAS PROBABLY THE REAL REASON. I REMEMBER IN THE THIRD GRADE CATCHING HIM BEHIND THE CLASSROOM WITH THE NEW GIRL WHO HAPPENED TO BE "SHOWING HIM" HER "NEW TRAINING BRA" ... SLUT.)

Oh, my God...this is so funny...I can't stop laughing...what the heck were we thinking...this is what happens when parents don't have money to buy us Nintendo (the IT game back then)...kids end up using their own imagination. What a waste! D. (I WOULDN'T TRADE ANY OF IT FOR THE WORLD. GOOD TIMES!)

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I forgot to mention to y'all last week the little surprise I got last week when I went to visit my mom. They painted their house. It USED to be white with light blue trimming. I guess they were ready for a change.

Well... surprise SURPRISE surprise....

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I saw this post secret postcard and I immediately thought how OPPOSITE of that my husband and I are. We've been married for about 9 years and he still opens the doors for me all the time. Not just when people are watching.

In fact, I'm so used to it and I guess sometimes I just take it for granted.Sometimes we'll be walking into a building together and if I'm walking slightly in front of him, I'll WAIT BY DOOR for him to catch up to me and open it for me.

One time I did this he started laughing and when I asked him what was so funny he said, "It just cracks me up that you'll just sit there and WAIT for me to open the door as if you had NO ARMS or HANDS to open it yourself."

I started laughing and replied, "Aww honey! It's the little gestures like these that make me happy and madly in love with you. Don't ever stop!"

...and he hasn't.

*PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

Every week I pick my favorite(s) and share them with my friends.

Click here to go to postsecrets.com

Don't you just love when you take a family trip and EVERYTHING goes right?

You get to the theme park just at the right time so you don't have to wait in a huge line just to PAY THEM to allow you to park your car and walk in to spend HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS with them?

The attendant at the Sea World parking lot is actually friendly and gives you helpful tips as to what to ride first, what exhibits to see before the mad rush comes in and you get stuck waiting in line forever.

The kids don't throw tantrums and kick and scream when you inform them that three $5.00 ice creams is enough and they are just gonna have to wait till dinner time to eat another $20.00 burger combo.

Well, that's how this weekend was for us. We took the boys to Sea World and Mission Beach and everything was like a dream come true. Well, minus Brad Pitt giving me a piggy back ride when my feet started hurting from walking so much. That was replace instead by Big Mickey's dream of mommy carrying him or giving him a piggy back ride every time his feet "got too tired" to walk.

Our trip started like a typical five hour trip.

Seat belts? X

 PSP and favorite PSP games? X

Smiles and promises of fun FUN fun? X Alrighty then! I think we're ready!

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After what seemed like a long drive through the grapevine, where we counted at LEAST fourteen cars broken down on the side of the road...

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After a few stops to the little boys room. ..

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and a quick lunch.... (where Big Mickey claimed his milkshake was better than ours)

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We were finally there! Oh yeah, baby! The real fun starts NOW!!!

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Big Mickey: I think we should start at the very BACK of the park so we can see the sharks first. Then eventually we'll end up at the FRONT of the park and finish our day off with Shamu.

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Annequin: But little brother, if we do that we will be walking straight through all the fun and do double the walking to get to it all. I think we should start off with Shamu, then see where the road will take us!

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Big Mickey: Oh alright... have it YOUR way.. but while we're waiting for Daddy Twinkie to rent a stroller for our little cousin, let me take a picture of you guys. SAY CHEESE!

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Mr. Twinkie suggest that we measure the boys to see if they will be able to get on the rides. Big Mickey and Annequin pass the 48 inches mark. YAYAYAYAYYAAY!

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Awwww! I'm sorry nephew! Oh well, don't worry. I'll just stay behind with you while they get on the rides with Uncle Twinkie.

*secretly jumps for joy because now I have an excuse NOT to get on their scary rides. tee hee... Because as you all know, I'm a chicken when it comes to stuff like that.

*you can click here to read about that BOK BOK

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Oh boyyyyss... don't look now but I think there's a killer whale right behind you.

(cue in JAWS music here.... )

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After feeding the dolphins and my two brave men getting on a few water rides, saying hi to Happy Feet, witnessing the greatness of the sharks and polar bears and a few other animals we decided to call it a day.

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The next day we had a wonderful time at the beach. Then dinner at a GREAT little Italian restaurant where I had the BEST scallops and rigatone in a creamy tomato based pasta sauce.

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It couldn't have been a more perfect trip. Seriously.

But you know what my favorite part of my weekend was?

 It wasn't that the kids had so much fun and that one point they exclaimed, "this is the best day of my life" and you could tell they meant it by the fact that they hugged and kissed me and Mr. Twinkie about a gazillion times.

** It could have been more but I stopped counting at ONE gazillion.

It wasn't that even after walking for hours on end none of them had a complete meltdown or whined and complained incessantly throughout the day, which would be completely expected especially (at least) out of my three year old nephew. But also from my baby Twinkies.  

It wasn't that when Shamu came around to us (WE WERE SITTING ON THE SECOND ROW) my nephew didn't get scared at the size and close proximity of Shamu and his huge splash that got us all nice and SOAKED.

Instead he exclaimed, "TIA NORMA!!! That was FUN!"  and  hugged my neck so hard I could have sworn he squeezed open an artery.

It wasn't the pickle and frozen lemonade I just HAD TO HAVE because they just don't ever taste the same unless they cost $10.00 each.

It wasn't that that night we had awesome Thai food for dinner, and the night after the beach we had the best Italian food I will ever have.

It wasn't even our friend's hospitality which we appreciate immensely and we loved spending our evenings with them and catching up while the boys slept to recover for their next day of fun.

Although all that definitely contributed to it.

The BEST part of my weekend was coming home to a HOME COOKED meal. And making brownies out of a box with my baby Twinkies while our newest member of the family, Happy Feet looks on.

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Hey friends! I am planning on going to see Hair July 13. Who's in? Then maybe drinks after? Or before? or Whatever!!! Message me! It's always fun when we go as a group.

WHAT IS HAIR??? Well....click here for details.

Ever since I went to go support my homie Matt Munoz in Project Murder I've been hooked on the theatre. Seriously. Since then I've gone to see The Vagina Monologues, and recently the One Act Festival to support my other buddy, Julie Jordan Scott.

And now I'm excited about HAIR.... (even though I don't know anybody that's actually in it!)

What plays have you gone to? Did you like them? If not, what would you have changed about it?

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Mr. Twinkie convinced me to go to the movies last night. A SCARY movie. I don't DO scary movies. Or the movie theatre, PERIOD! You guys know that right?

The last time we were at the movie theatre, Mr. Twinkie groped a stranger.

Click here to read about that....

The last time I watched a scary movie I CRIED.

 Click here to read about that...

The only reason I said yes was because John Cusak is in it and well... who doesn't love John Cusak?

My favorite quotes of the night?


Mr. Twinkie  (once he realized the movie was about a haunted room): "Please don't cry babe!"

Me (as soon as the credits rolled): "You soooooo owe me a beer"