I was looking for Burn the Witch information this morning and came accross this old blog from last year. It was sooo much fun! I hope you'll all join me this year for more Burn the Witch fun! RSVP here if you're interested in a bakotopia.com field trip to see Burn the Witch with, me, your Hostess Twinkie. As always, I'll have goodies for those that RSVP here.

What is Burn The Witch? Taken from it's Myspace page:

Burn the Witch is a multi-genre group art event celebrating the creative talents of Bakersfield’s women. Amazing wall-to-wall visual art is only the tip of the iceberg in this show; we also feature performance poets, musicians, dancers, and a killer buffet created by our own show artists! Burn the Witch is brought to you by a team of dedicated volunteers who work hard to make this event come to life, each year.
We have two Openings planned for this year’s show; October 11th from three to seven pm, and October 18th from four to seven pm. There is a five dollar suggested donation for guests at the door.

Written in my MAS blog October 2007

Our Twinkielicious evening of artistic fun started at the Chalet Basque with a drink. It was really nice to see some old friends again and of course it was awesome making some new ones.  

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There we talked about random things such as Halloween costumes of past and present and parties and tattoos and the pain we endure just for the permanent ink that tells a story. Oh yeah, tattoos ALWAYS tell a story. Don't they? We shared a few tattoo stories then headed out. 

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After the Chalet Basque we quickly drove down the street to the Empty Space Theater for the Burn the Witch art show.

Here, we were going to witness an awesome collaboration of 33 women artists. Between them all they were showcasing 150 pieces of artwork. Our own Latina artist, Lisa Small had several pieces she was showcasing that night.

Now, yes I know what you're thinking. BURN THE WITCH? Is this a Halloween art display? eeeeeek!

Actually, NO! The title refers to America's colonial days when any woman whose ideas or behavior were different from the norm was branded as a witch.

So what did we do that day? We embraced our witchy-dom!! We showed up to the art show in witches hats which I had put together for everyone that RSVP'd to my invitation. I'd stopped at the MAS office and picked up some t-shirts and then bought the witches hats and put some MAS treats in them along with some candy.

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My favorite art piece? This one!

"It's called Electric. A painting to inspire strength and femininity through brilliant colors and full womanly shapes." ~Lisa Small

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Some more of my favorite art? Jen Raven's "But Where Will They Make Their Home." This piece was actually BANNED from Myspace.com because of the boobies. YEAH! I know! Mermaid boobies? Offensive? HU? Oh well. She fought back by putting it right back up and daring them to take it down again. They didn't.

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Susan's ceramics were pretty cool, too!

After looking thru some of the art and eating some food and drinking some wine we went in to the main theater/room, grabbed a seat and waited for the poetry to start. I say "poetry" but WOW! It was so much more.

A soul cleansing.

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Julie has that effect on people. As she should. She is a LIFE COACH, after all! Anyways, it's hard to explain the effects she will leave in you forever if you ever get a chance to watch her perform. The only real way to describe it is by using her own words, A SOUL CLEANSING.

A soul CLEANSING.

She read a lot of poetry but the one that really stuck is the one that she had (us) the audience participate in.

I WANT.  She said. Then she asked us to blurt out things we wanted while her buddy Joe wrote everything down. In the end, she recited back everything WE the audience wanted. It turns out we wanted to get out of debt, we wanted to move to South America, we wanted sex, we wanted a hug, we wanted to be left alone, we wanted our children to stop hurting, we wanted chocolate.

We wanted so many things and as silly as some of those wants sounded at first, when she recited them in her own words, with her own passionate soul it's almost as if..

It cleansed our souls.

You need to experience Julie Jordan Scott in PERSON soon. She will transform your life. Seriously!

*Thanks to everyone who accepted my invitation to this event. I had a lot of fun and hope to see you at the next one!

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NAME — Sarah Heath Palin.

 EXPERIENCE: Alaska governor since December 2006; unsuccessful run for Republican nomination for lieutenant governor in 2002; chairwoman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, 2003-2004; served two terms as Wasilla mayor and two terms on city council.

EDUCATION: Graduated University of Idaho, 1987, journalism.

FAMILY: Husband, Todd; five children.

BUSINESS: Worked as sports reporter for two Anchorage television stations; owned with her husband a snowmobile, watercraft, ATV business from 1994-97. Husband is a North Slope oil field worker.

 AGE-BIRTH DATE-LOCATION — 44; born Feb. 11, 1964; Sandpoint, Idaho.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE: Do you think she's a good choice?

So there you go! A little info for you just in case you logged on the internet this morning and the first words out of your mouth were "WHAAAAAAAAAT THE? Who the hell is THAT????" 

My friend Burgh sent me an email last night with her Florida "vay-kay" pictures. One of them was her and her hubby at the beach. She's in a bikini.

Aside from her day job, she also teaches some fitness classes at her local gym. She works out. A LOT! And watches what she eats.

I emailed her, "woot! All that excercising pays off hu? That's why you look like that.. and I look like a pregnant biotch. Nice pictures."

She emails me back, "You crack me up...but yeah...exercise and diet...."  

SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD is about right for me. EXERCISE????? And diet... I don't know about all that... heheheheh

------- later that day.....

I texted Dee and Goocher about getting together for a girls breakfast on Sunday.

They both said ok.

This morning Dee texts me, "what time?" I say, "Can you be here around 10:00am? Is that too early?"

She texts back, "Heck yah! I get up at 6:30am to run, so 10:00am is NOT early."

I said, "Damn! you're a dedicated runner!"

she said, "I KNOW! I already lost 9 lbs."

I text her back, "BIOTCH"

But seriously.. damn. I need to get my ass in gear. So here is my new commitment, and you bakotopia buddies will hold me accountable, ok?

I will walk two miles every morning or evening. Even on weekends. No dieting because I don't really eat bad.

As I'm typing she text me back, "I know! I am one fit biotch!"

That's putting it mildly!

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Monday was the first day of school. Of couse the Baby Twinkies were excited but nervous at the same time. It took forever to get them to bed. And even longer to get them to stop talking and go to sleep.

My sleep wasn't any better. I've been hurting a lot. My back, shoulders etc. But that's for another blog.

Anyways, Big Mickey asked if I could please walk him to  class the first day. I guess he didn't realize this is tradition for me (I always walk them to class their first day) and he's going to have to deal with it all the way through high school.

No, really! I did it for my teens until the 8th grade. Don't worry! It didn't traumatize them or anything. In fact, they enjoyed it. Of course I would never do it in High School. They are too old for that.

Anyways, Annequin was more nervous than usual which is surprising because he's typically a very "together" kinda dude. Seriously, he oozes confidence and it's just natural for him. Nothing he learned, just something he IS.

In fact, he's usually the one telling his lil bro, Big Mickey that's it's going to be ok!

But see, Annequin... (who prayed to God the night before to please make his wish come true) was hoping and hoping and hoping he'd get the same teacher as his best friend "K". That's all he could talk about the night before and all morning.

He didn't.

Which made him soooo upset (plus he was already nervous anyways) that he started to complain that his tummy hurt. YES.. as soon as we saw on the big board outside the office who his teacher was... ALL OF A SUDDEN... he holds his tummy and said it hurt. And he wanted to go home.

I thought he was just upset and faking it so I told him to knock it off. Then he started crying.

So I sent him to the office! Well!!!!!! I Big Mickey was excited about meeting his teacher and new friends and I didn't want Annequin to ruin Big Mickey's excitement with his Debbie Downer attitude just because he didn't get to share a class with his BFF. 

"Go to the office and sit there and wait for me till I take Big Mickey to class. Then I'll take you home. But I'm gonna tell you right now, Annequin! If you're faking it you're gonna be in soooo much trouble! AND don't think you're gonna sit at home and watch t.v. all day either! If you're too sick to be in school then you're too sick to watch t.v.! You got it?"

Annequin: holding his tummy in pretend pain and crying crocodile tears "YESSSSSS" (insert fake pouty smiley face here!)

So I take Big Mickey to his class. His teacher does this thing where she makes the kids stand in line and one by one they have to go up to her, shake her hand, introduce herself to them before they are allowed in class.

I then picked Annequin up and told him I was taking him home because he wasn't feeling good.

BUT I REMIND HIM very sternly... if he's not feeling good enough to go to school then he's also NOT feeling good enough to watch tv so he's to stay in bed all day. I figure this is his last chance to redeem himself and decide all on his own that this faking the tummy ache thing is not worth it, and stay in school.

He didn't.

Well, I get home for lunch and guess who's sleeping on the bathroom floor wrapped in a blanket? Yup, Annequin.

I woke him and asked if he was ready for lunch and he said yeah. I asked why he was asleep on the floor and he said because he didn't want to throw up on the couch (AGAIN)

I said, what do you mean AGAIN????

He says, "I was laying on the couch (insert real crying here)  and I threw up. I cleaned up as best as I could but then I didn't want to throw up on the couch again but I still wasnt' feeling good and I wanted to sleep so I figured I'd sleep on the bathroom floor in case I threw up it would be easier to clean."

Yup! Mother of the year award.. right here. ME. This Twinkie HERE. My poor baby was not only NOT faking it. But he threw up, thought I'd be upset.. and cleaned it up before I got home.

Talk about GUILT. Aurgh.

*sidenote.. Mr. Twinkie was home but he was upstairs the whole time, also thinking Annequin was faking it and was downstairs resting.

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My friend sent me an email this morning and I asked her permission to post it word for word on my bakotopia.com/MAS blog.. and anywhere I could think it could help somebody. Please share this with anyone and everyone that will listen. And feel free to share your thoughts about the subject here!

*sidenote..this is NOT an "email forward". This email was actually sent to me by my friend.

I don't know if I told you that my sister's husband, my BIL, felt like there was something on one of his eyes a few weeks back. He couldn't really explain it but felt like a speck of sand or something was on his eye. He let it go for 3 days and finally told my sister that he needed to go to the eye doctor becaue it was really starting to bother him. The eye doctor ran whatever tests and it turned out his retina had detached in 4 places! They rushed him in for immediate eye surgery and said he would have been completely blind in that eye within hours.

He had the surgery and everything seemed ok and they assured him his eye would be getting better and stronger. But he is noticing that not only is his eye getting weaker, but he is starting to feel like his other eye is weakening. The doctors do not know what it could be.

FAST FORWARD:

My sister was doing one of her client's hair TONIGHT who is married to an opthomalogist and asked her questions about why his eye could possibly be doing this since it's not heriditary. Her client started asking her numerous questions. One of them was, "By chance, does your husband take Viagra?"

My sister was stunned because he does. He just started 6 months or so ago.

She told my sister that it came out in the Medical journals in 2005 that there may be a link between Viagra and blindness.

She immediately called me to tell me and ask me had I heard of anything like that in news reports before. I googled to see if it could be substantiated and there were PLENTY of medical articles and credible news associations (CNN, Washington Post, etc) who mentioned the possible link in 05' because the blood supply to the eyes are blocked or redirected. Pfizer is (probably) keeping this as hush as possible because they have made millions upon millions of dollars and for all we know they have the FDA in their pockets, as the FDA continues to insist there is no substantial link and putting it on other factors (that didn't apply to him).

If you know of ANYONE taking Viagra, Cialis, Levitra please read the articles below and/or pass it on. Because I know someone personally (possibly) affected by this, I wanted to make sure everyone read this. Some people suffered blindness as soon as 48 hours after takng their first dose. He's been taking it for about 6 months. He is now suffering permanent vision loss in the "corrected' eye and is feeling the affects on the other. I'm watching this vital man (who has always been so charismatic and generous) starting to die inside as his vision goes. He also makes the bulk of their household income and provides their medical so they are really worried about what may happen.

The news and medical reports also stated the octal damage is irreversible.

http://www.lawyerseek.com/P...

 

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By now I'm sure it's way old news but I still wanted to address the lip synching fiasco at the Chinese Olympics. Or what will be known around the world as the "Chinese Milli Vanilli fiasco of 2008." 

Girl, you KNOW it's true.

But what about the fake fireworks? Did you hear about that? 

OH, of course you did. It made headlines.

What about China's weather? Isn't it sooooo perfect and beautiful? 

Ummm that would actually be a NOOOOOOOO! You see, China had almost all their manufacturing plants shut down so as they wouldn't pollute the city while the tourists were in town.

And there there is....

Well, a whole bunch of other fake shit that quite frankly... I mean really? ?? WHO CARES??????

Does this make China a bad country? NO... their everything else makes them a bad country.

Did you know that the USA took similar steps to ensure the perfect Olympics in Atlanta & LA we moved homeless so they wouldn't be near the events? Yup, it's true, folks. AND they did the same thing in Tempe when the super bowl was there years ago, they literally put all the homeless on busses and shipped them down to Tucson.

Can I just ask you something? Whatever happened to the sanctity of political secrets? geez.louize.

I long for the days where politicians were cripples and nobody knew about it and Presidents had prostitutes come to the White House and everybody kept the secret.

I mean seriously if a political leader wants to have the perfect Olympics with only pretty people that is his government, his people, his perrogative. enough with the drama.

NOW the little girl knows that the whole world knows she's too ugly to be on t.v.

Thanks alot whistleblower dude. Good call.

The whole world thanks you. And guess what? You don't look at ALL like a big ol' snitch. Not one bit.

Now can I ask something else???? Am I the ONLY one that sees the big fat elephant in the room? LOL 

 ** see picture above to see what I'm talking about.

and go HERE for full article of fake shit, including how fake the USA is compared to China, according to this reporter!

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 Valancy Jane: How awesome would it be if, instead of a paycheck, they just handed out to everyone a shoebox full of money?

I would be so happy.

Twinkie: A shoebox full of money and a Tall Boy

Valancy Jane:Why exactly don’t we work together? I really wish you were my HR manager.

Speaking of HR Manager, I really miss my buddy (and Human Resources Mgr.)S" from my old job.

Yeah, old job. I guess I forgot to tell you all that I quit my job and got a new one. My last day of work one of my manager's bought pizza for all us girls then my main boss got me a cake and called all the employees up and made a speech about how much he was gonna miss me, etc.

Then somebody yelled, "SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH" a nd I really wanted to open my typically, usually, big loud mouth and tell everyone how much I loved them like family and what each and everyone of them meant to me but all that came out was something I can't even explain other than a half cry/half sigh thing with the potential of turning into the "cry ugly" thing so I didn't.

We all ate cake, and I hugged everybody I could get my hands on (after going to the restroom first and composing myself) and then it was time to go.

I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm even tearing up as I type this thinking about just how much I'm gonna miss them but in the end I had to make a decision that was better for me. It was time for me to start a new chapter in my life, yah know? I had a great opportunity to move to this company with a better chance for advancement. Luckily for me my new employees are great so I feel really optimistic about the change and feel I made the right decision.

So there you have it.

The only thing I can think of that would improve my job situation some which I hadn't really even thought about until Valancy Jane brought it up is if they paid in shoe boxes full of money and a Tall Boy for bonuses or something.

Oh well, maybe at my NEXT job! ;)

Mr Twinkie and I went out for cocktails the other night and had our daughter babysit. When we got hom there was this note waiting for us:

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1. Getting a call from Aunt "J" and the first words out of her mouth are "I just got done shopping. I bought you some pajamas." 

This was of course in reference to my Rainbow Brite Lady of the Night blog where I confessed to cyber space what I wore to bed on any given night.

2. After giving one of my best friends her total for the Mary Kay Cosmetics products she ordered from me she quickly responds with, "Can I pay you in tall boys??"

Gosh, she knows me so well. hahaha

3. Googling "Tecate" for a picture to include in my blog and finding a "beer review" for it by a college student! Sweeeeet!!!!! 

Let's face it, folks, there is no better expert of beer than a college student. He is the beer guru. The Darth Vader of beer. If he was Darth Vader, beer would be it's Midichlorian

I know it's been brought up time and time again but by me and others but here it goes again.. another cell phone rant.

Cell phone addictions?

You see it everywhere. It's just nuts. I mean, for our politicians to feel the need to pass a LAW regarding cell phone use while driving? That says something about our society.

Or about our politicians... (get off the phone Georgie!)

About six months ago I saw a lady riding her HORSE through town while talking on her cell phone. I took a picture but it was with my cell phone and it didn't come out very well. As it turns out, it's a pretty normal thing nowadays because I googled horse + cell phone and look what I found! A COWBOY on his cell phone!

Yeah, I know, right? I thought the same thing.

Of course this was BEFORE the new cell phone laws. I wonder if the law would apply  to horse riding? tee hee.

Another thing I saw which made me do a double take was a mail carrier walking down main st. with her rolling basket thingy in tow in one hand, and her cell phone on the other hand.

Ummm, yeah. I know right? I thought the same thing. Get off the phone and pay attention dammit. Or else my mailbox will end up stuffed like this! Full of somebody else's bills!

The kicker the other day was earlier in the day I saw a teenage boy riding his BIKE while texting. Accident waiting to happen if you ask me.

THEN later that afternoon, I saw another teenage boy TEXTING while skateboarding. This time the accident DID happen.

I couldn't help but laugh.

And feel like I had something to do with him falling, since I sorta wished it under my breath.

WHAT? I forget I have that power sometimes. LOL The power to send out the "Twinkie curse" hehehe..

Anyways.. back to my point .. which is.... this cell phone thing is CRAZY OUT OF CONTROL.  Seriously. I mean what's next? A priest texting while you're confessing your sins to him? Bearing your soul? A doctor texting while in surgery? Geez.

OK so maybe I'm exaggerating a little.

OR AM I????

I was reading yet another one of my favorite blogs where she's talking about her clothing choices for taking her boyfriend to work early in the morning. 

That particular day she was wearing pink shorts, a sports bra and a hoodie. Under the pink shorts she was wearing PURPLE chonies. Which were very visible under her pink shorts. haha. 

Anyways, it made me look down to see what I was wearing.

See, nighties don't do for walking around the house when you have children.

And I can't get myself to spend money on something I'm gonna wear to SLEEP in.

Therfore, I don't own pajamas.

Well, ok I do. They are hand-me-downs from my daughter and SHE owned them when she was in the 5th grade.

So anyways, usually when I get ready for bed I just find anything comfy and put it on. Whether it matches or not.

Today I am wearing an orange shirt and black velour pants. Not too bad.

One day I put on a pair of my hubby's basketball shorts, one of my son's tshirts, and my daughters Rainbow Brite long socks to use sort of as slippers.

We have pebble-tech flooring, see. So walking around the house in the wintertime is very cold unless you have slippers or socks on.

Anyways... the next day was a lazy day. So I got up, made breakfast, loafed around the house, went down the street to pick up the mail, etc.

Then one of my daughter's friends came over. I didn't think anything of my attire until at one point they both looked at me and started giggling.

"WHAT?" I said.

"OMG MOM! Look at what you're wearing! You look like Rainbow Brite on drugs!" My daughter laughed.

"WHY?" I responded. Still confused at what the big deal was.

"I LOVE IT! Striped socks, over sized shorts? Awesome! Dude! Your mom is cool!" her friend looked impressed at my lack of regard for fashion and style.  

I looked down and finally realized that I looked like a Rainbow Brite Lady of the Night. On crack.

Sorta like the Flava Flave Rainbow Brite.

The Cindy Lauper Rainbow Brite.

 Or How 'bout the Whitney Houston Rainbow Brite.

 "Crack is Wack!"

I wish I could tell you I've toned it down some. But I really haven't.

The good news is, aparently I'm in good company when it comes to my fashion choices(or lack thereof).

So anyways, what do you wear to sleep or around the house that might be a little embarrassing (if you cared what people thought about you, which of course, you don't?)

Courtesy of one of my favorite blogs by Valancy Jane:

 Valancy's:

Why yes, I would like to live forever. I’ve never been bored, ever, so why wouldn’t I?

(See why I love reading her blogs? LOVE IT!!!)

Mine?

No, I don’t feel flattered when you ask me if I’m tired, and really I’m NOT in fact tired. I just have no makeup on. So thanks! For letting me know I look like SHIT al natural.

And YES I do in fact hope you choke on your donut!

Ok now! Your turn!

So I was reading one of my favorite blogs the other day and she'd written about how her dad came to her apartment to work on her computer and she realized there was stuff on it she didn't want him to see.  

This got her to thinking about other stuff around the house she keeps that she'd be embarrassed if her family knew about. Nothing major, just your usual "personal" effects so-to-speak.

BUT it got me to thinking...

If I were to die tomorrow what "personal" things do I have around the house that I'd want destroyed before anyone got to them?

I thought really hard.

Lingerie?

Not really. Well, I mean, nothing too kinky.

Dirty magazines?

Nope. Well, none I'd be embarrassed about.

Bedroom stuff?

Sadly, no. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Hmmmmm. I must be the most boring person EVER!!!

Which in turn got me to thinking. GO OUT AND BUY SOMETHING EMBARRASSING FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!! A David Hasselhoff blow up doll or something. Geez.

Which got me to thinking that maybe the difference between me and her is that she's young and single and I'm old and married and someohow maybe that's why I don't have fun kinky stuff laying around? Or maybe I do but I don't think it's embarrassing because all my other friends are old and married kinky wives so I think I'm just normal or something? LOL

Then it got me to thinking about embarrassing stuff that's happened to me in general....

Which got me to thinking about the time I skinned my knee on the bank's parking lot  trying to get out of my car and beat two other people who'd pulled up at the same time as me.

And as I could feel myself falling I tried to yelp out a very cute, "Ah, oh no!" as I fell graciously (translation= like the big ol' clutz that I am.) and instead something out of the Excorcist came out.

It was more like a deep voiced scared as heck AAAAAAAAAAAAAAURGH.

Then I laughed at myself (again) and decided my life was just fine as it is. Plain ol' boring me keeps me entertained just fine.

Then I ate some mango sherbert ice cream.

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OK so I have to admit that I've been sitting on this new story for a while and finally decided to blog about it.

I started a few times with jokes. You know the kind. The good ol' fashioned Catholic jokes that have been around forever. And I don't know if I joke because I don't believe or because I sorta do and it scares me?

Then I thought about doing a seriously serious "news piece" about it.

I'm sure you've all heard by now the apparitions happening in Porterville. Right? The angel in the window of a tile store on Olive? Hundreds of people flocked to see the apparition.

I'm sure part of it was curiosity. I'm sure part of it was they really wanted to feel like they were a part of something special.

Whatever the reasons were, they came out. Then the angel was gone.

What was it? Was the lighting, and the moonlight all mixed in some of weird coincidence? Had the angel been there before but people were too busy to notice? I'm not sure.

Then, Jesus appeared on the palm tree the next day.

Did God feel compelled to have a second act of sorts so as to make sure people knew the angel was no coincidence? Or is the Jesus Christ apparition just another example that if you look long enough, you can make your mind see whatever you want it to see?

The newscaster on Channel 23 said maybe God CHOSE Porterville because Porterville recently voted for our town slogan to be "In God We Trust" and maybe that was his way of "thanking us."

I hope she was kidding.

I once ate a flour tortilla that looked like the Chupacabra. No joke.

Anyways, I just keep thinking and thinking about this and part of me thinks it's funny and the other part of thinks geez. Are we THAT jaded as a society that if God is trying to give us a sign, a way to reach out to him because these are the "end of days' as we know it... we're just gonna laugh it off?

What if Jesus appeared in the flesh to warn us to change our ways? Would we throw him in a mental institution and call him crazy?

Anyways, I'm ssoooo confused. And I'll still crack a joke or two only because that's my nature but in the back of my mind I still wonder.

You make up  your own minds. And I'm just gonna post the pictures.