There are certain things I would never do for fun. And touching one of THESE is one of them.
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My neighbor recently had a party for her son and she hired the “Reptile Man” It was really funny to see the kids reacting to these animals and the guy is a hoot.
With his lame attempts at adult humor and the corny joke telling.. well. I have to say his personality alone wins the adults over. It’s the snakes and stuff that attract the children.
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This picture cracks me up because the kid on the left is really saying, “Ay! Don’t eat me!” but it looks like he’s saying, “Mmmmm! Yummy!”
The birthday boy kept saying, “Please let me get the tail. I don’t want to get the head. Don’t make me get the head. Please, I don’t want the head.”
But in this picture, he also looks like he’s about to eat the snake.
Plus, Mr. Reptile man is looking at me as if saying, “Can you hurry up with the picture, lady? This kid is about to eat the snake. And I’m afraid I’m next.”
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I have to admit the party was pretty cool and the kids had a blast and we even learned a few animal facts.
But if I never see another snake again I'll be ok.
So please remember! The only kind of animals I want at MY birthday party are: Three Blind Moose, a Yellowtail, and maybe even a Fox.
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And we happen to be in Vegas, well, that's even better! After all, I mean COME ON!!!
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Posted in these Groups:
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posted by
twinkie on
Monday, October 27, 2008 at 04:54 PM
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I was reading one of my new favorite blogs this morning called Poppy Cede and she is recounting what happened to her last night. Here it is in part:
Title:
I know we're in a hurry, but…
I was driving to my pharmacy to pick up my prescription (went without a hitch, not the point of the story) and saw a man curled up in the road and a teal car about 2 feet from him. I am filling in the blanks that the teal car hit the man, although I don't know that. When I came to the scene that I did not witness there were no emergency responders there yet. Traffic was starting to back up in the lane where the teal car and man on the ground were. Nothing for me to do except move along little lady since I didn't witness it so I went to McDonald's for a Coke then CVS for my prescription.
click here to read the rest.
She received a few comments asking about the guy, did she stop? What if help wasn't on the way, etc etc.
For some reason, it triggered an old memory. See, it reminded me of my "dark days" when my life sucked and I was all gloomy and depressed all the time and I was making bad choices and then whining about the consequences.
Not that she is in a similar situation but it's a funny thing what happens when you read other peoples blogs, or poetry, or whatever. You read. You interpret. You conjur up old memories that are similar or you think are similar or you find ways to relate to it. So anyways, this is what it reminded me of and so I posted this:
Sometimes it's best to just move along. Other times it's a good idea to stop. Only you know when that time is, depending on the circumstances.
As a side note, it's moments like that which sometimes make you appreciate your own chaotic life and make you realize that no matter how shitty your own situation might be at the time, life goes on. So get your head out of your ass and keep on moving. LOL
Not that I think YOU have a shitty life, I'm just sayin' in general. I remember during a really BAD part of my life when I had my head up my ass thinking the world owed me a better life and wah wah wah this and boohoo hoo that, I drove by an accident that had just happened. I looked over and there was this pregnant lady in the drivers seat of a van and she was screaming. The way I was in traffic I couldn't stop (far right lane… accident was on the far left lane)
Anyways, I remember thinking, I just witnessed something tragic. This ladies life as she knows it has ended. (a car accident like that changes you forever) And yet, I still have to go to work. No fair.
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posted by
twinkie on
Friday, October 24, 2008 at 09:20 AM
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In a bizarre and ummm…. Well, bizarre turn of events, a woman may charged for a virtual reality murder.
After finding out that her virtual husband in a virtual game called Maple City, the 43 year old Japanese piano teacher was so distraught she decided to virtually murder her virtual reality ex husband.
"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," said the virtually psycho woman.
OK, so obviously she won’t be charged in the real world for that virtual murder, (whew! I'm virtually relieved!)
In fact she hasn’t been virtually (or formally) charged at all yet.
But if the police decide to take this virtually ridiculous claim serious she could be convicted and face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.
I wonder if she will have to go to virtual jail or pay a virtual fine?
I mean.. wow! The most caught up I've ever gotten in a game was one time when we stayed up till 5:00am trying to finish a game of Monopoly.
*NOTE TO MY REAL LIFE/INTERNET/VIRTUAL FRIENDS... if I EVER get that caught up in a computer game, or any game for that matter, somebody please force feed me some Prozac then MAKE me to go out and meet real people.
By real people of course I mean people I can actually REALLY murder if they piss me off... oops I mean... ah damn.
Did I just say that out loud?
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posted by
twinkie on
Thursday, October 23, 2008 at 09:49 AM
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I opened my eyes this morning only to be greeted by a ray of sunlight shining brightly through my crimson red curtains. Normally this would foreshadow a sign of a great day ahead but not today.
The sun was too bright. My body hurt like I’d been in a train wreck. My fingers felt so brittle with pain radiating through all the way to my fingertips. I felt as if I made a complete fist my hands would fall apart.
Even so I forced myself up with every ounce of energy I was able to muster up and turned on the shower.
I didn’t bother looking for something to wear. It was too painful even to walk. Much less try and think about what matches, what needs ironing, what shoes go with what. I figured once I let the hot water relax my muscles a bit and woke fully from the oh-so-fresh-scent of my body wash I’d be in better condition to pick out what I’d be wearing that morning.
I started doing my morning stretches while the water turned into just the right temperature. Very HOT, almost too hot to the touch, then I jumped in the shower.
As my morning went on I knew it was gonna be one of those days. But I thought, “You know what would be great right now? What would turn my morning around a little bit? What would get me out of this funk? A quick morning sugar fix.”
I smiled then reached for a donut from the dozen Mr. Twinkie had bought the day before but they were all gone. Gah!
“No problem,” I thought. “I’ll just run to the store and get myself a Twinkie, or a Zinger.”
I drove down the street then hit a wall of never-ending traffic by the high school where the crowded street of parents rushing off last minute to drop off their kids and still make it to work in time can ruin anybody’s mood.
I avoided a couple of car accidents from those same impatient parents who have the “I own the road” mentality and finally made it to the store.
I chose Zingers this morning and a Starbucks bottled coffee from the refrigerated drinks section and went up to pay. The lady looked as grumpy and tired as me so I decided to make us both smile.
“Good morning!” I said with groggy eyes and the most cheerful voice I could muster up.
Her eyes lit up immediately, thankful for the early morning kindness.
“Good morning!” she replied!
“I love your necklace! It’s sooooo pretty!” I added. She had a gold chain with some sort of colorful charm, an elephant maybe? It was different. But pretty.
“Thank you!” she cheerfully responded.
I gave her my bank card and her smile faded. Oh Oh. My smile faded too.
"I hope she doesn't ask for my pin number because I don't remember it." I think to myself.
“Debit?” she asked?
“No, credit, please” I quickly responded, fearing and knowing what her answer was going to be. The answer that was going to turn my morning back into the shitty one it started out being. The morning where not only do I hurt in every inch of my body, even my hair follicles ached, but I also wasn’t going to get my sugar fix.
If I could just have a little bit of a comfort snack it would turn my whole day around. Or at least that’s what I convinced myself. My brain is conditioned to think of sugar as my comfort blanket. My teddy bear. My crack cocaine. My heroin.
Yes, sugar is my vice.
Sugar makes my body hurt less. If I’m sad, sugar makes me smile. If I’m mad, sugar calms my nerves. If I’m happy, sugar takes me to a state of nirvana. If I’m indifferent, sugar makes me care.
I could see her lips forming as if I was in a movie, slowly. You know, when something bad is about to happen and every thing goes in slow motion.
“Sooooooorrrrrrrrrry. Weeeeeeee doonnnnn’t take CREDIT,” she said. Her voice sounded evil as if she was gonna slit my throat that very minute. Her kind eyes immediately turned bright red. She looked possessed. In my mind she quickly turned into an unrecognizable and evil monster.
One with three bloody red evil eyes and she’s riding a brightly colored elephant monster covered in a gold body shield and if the monster doesn’t kill me, she will. She will beat my head with that debit machine and when my brain is oozing out of my ears she will laugh at me and wonder why I don’t know my pin number. That pin number could have saved my life or at least my day but no. Alas, no pin number to be found.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooo!!!
WHY WHY WHY WHY??????
I felt angry, betrayed. Annoyed, even. Who doesn’t take credit nowadays. I mean seriously? Get with the times lady! You and your stupid elephant necklace. Who the hell wears a gold elephant anyways.
What the EFF?
By then it was too late to go to another store and still make it to work in time. Oh well. Maybe this was God’s way of saying my big ass doesn’t need any sugar this morning.
*Or that I need to remember my pin number?
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It seems like around election time bakotopia.com blows up with political blogs. Some completely informative but mostly it’s one party calling the other party idiots or minions, or intolerant or left winged, or right armed, or blind, or one eyed… the list is endless.
Even so, at first I enjoy reading the articles because if you weed through enough of the bullshit, you do learn something here and there from both parties. And learning, for me, is always fun.
Then after a while all the blogs start reading the same. Different words, same bullshit.
That’s pretty much how every blog starts to look like to me after a while.
So I take a break. I don’t log on, or if I do, I look for anything NON politically inclined. After work I avoid any political conversations and emails as well. But this election is different. It’s everywhere.
Everyone is talking about it. It won’t be ignored. For example, on my recent trip to Solvang, a quaint little Danish community on the way to Santa Barbara, I saw it.
A group of hippies holding this sign :
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OK OK, so the picture actually goes something like this but the first is funnier:
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Then last week, during Annequin’s field trip to Pioneer Days in Porterville's Zalud Park, I hear this conversation from two fourth graders.
Kid one: Hey dude, so WHO you going for? McCain or Obama?
Kid two: Obama all the way man!
Kid one: “WHAT? WHY? Don’t you know if you vote for Obama he’s going to raise gas prices?”
*LOVE that kid's perception of the truth! I think he meant TAXES...
Kid two:”NO WAY!!!! I didn’t know that! But I’m still going for Obama because Mc-whatever his name is, is too old and creepy looking.”
*Kid's honesty.. gotta love it!
THEN last night at 8:35 Annequin says, “QUICK MOM!!! Change it to Nickelodeon. They’re going to announce the kid’s choice for Obama or McCain.”
AY AY AY!!!! Can’t this mom catch a break?????
So I guess here is my question:
Do you believe that this election is THAT much more important than the rest? If so, why? If not, do you believe the way the networks are covering this election is what's making it that much different than your typical election?
Or is it the new generation of more informed voters thanks to MTV Rock the Vote and Nickelodeon making awareness of issues fun for kids, etc.
All input is appreciated. No name calling please.
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posted by
twinkie on
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 02:33 PM
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Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together.
Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure?'
Angelina Jolie agreed. 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'
Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the sexiest man alive but I've never had it confirmed.'
They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to ask the famed talking 'mirror, mirror on the wall' to confirm for them whether
Shrek was the strongest, Angelina Jolie was the most gorgeous and Brad Pitt was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch
to discuss their findings.
The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.'
Brad Pitt and his sexy self reported, 'Yes, it's true, I am the sexiest Man alive.
Angelina Jolie joined the group, looking as gorgeous as ever, but quite sad. She asked .............
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS TWINKIE BIOTCH??
hahahahahahahahahaah Oh GAWD I crack myself up sometimes. Hope you all have a great Monday!
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posted by
twinkie on
Monday, October 20, 2008 at 12:31 PM
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*Annie, this one is for you! :)
I posted this back in February, but I found it while looking for another post and thought I'd repost it for all of your viewing pleasure.
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.....
Today you voted."
I think this is part two of my anniversary series, but I can't remember right now. Of course I guess I could stop and look but what the hell. Here we go:
ok at this point we're in Santa Barbara, I think? Or Solvang.. can't remember.. but there's this "street performer" (translation=bum looking for handouts) and his trick was, he has a rat that is sitting on a cat, who is sitting on a dog. You know, the whole "peace on earth" type theme or whatever. So we decide to take a picture of it... of course this dumbass dude cuts in front of me and effs my shot up. So then the next screen shot I get is THIS
the street performer dude, says, "OH GREAT!! Take a picture of THAT, why don't you?"
hahahah OMG everybody started laughing.. I was so busy trying to get a picture that I wasn't paying attention to what they were doing.
SO here you have it. Even when you're trying to spread peace on earth, you still have to take time to take a dump. LOL
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posted by
twinkie on
Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 06:46 PM
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People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
Ok, so having said that, tell me. What makes YOU happy. It could be something big, small, meaninful, petty, etc.
For example for me, in this point in time of my life, it's the small stuff that makes me happy.
A wink from my husband from accross a crowded room.
An ice cold beer when I get home from work.
When Big Mickey or Annequin say something so adult like yet funny.
When Princess Twinkie calls me mommy. (There's very few teenagers that still do this!)
When I get a call from my mother.
When I get an email from my sister The Raven. She's freaken hilarious and can make the most serious subject a laughing matter.
For me, it's not my career that makes me happy. It's not my pursuit of greater materialistic items. It's not the money in the bank, or the cars I drive.
For me, happiness comes from within. Which makes all the other cool stuff just that much better!
You know the cool thing about that? Ever since I found my inner peace/happiness I find that I make better decisions and have way better judgment about my life.
Here ye! Here ye! The witches are back and they promise this year to be bigger and better.
Last year we had a really good turn out to our Twinkielicious Bakotopian Field Trip to see the witches.
pictured above in order from left to right: El Patria, his guest, Woofs, Happyfeet, Susydearest (from masbakersfield.com), Twinkie, KayK, her guest Pumpkin (his nickname on her blogs), tashkajones, her guest
This year, I hope for more of the same! Join me Saturday, October 18th!
We will start off at 3:00 at the Chalet Basque for a cocktail or two. This is a good chance to finally meet the people whom you "talk to" on a weekly basis here on bakotopia.com.
Don't worry! We don't bite. Well, at least not too hard!
The best part of all is that I put together these really cool goody bags for all who RSVP. YES, the goody bag happens to be a witches hat. BUT it's what's IN the hats that's goody goody COOL. hahaha OK, but really.. just the fact that you get to hang out with your fellow bakotopians while supporting your local artists should be reason enough to show up. I mean, we're always complaining that there's NOTHING TO DO in Bakersfield, right?
*Another succesful Twinkielicious Bakotopian Field Trip was when we went to see Hair at the Empty Space as pictured below:
OK, so anyways.. from there, we will caravan up the street to the Empty Space Theater where the witches will have some appetizers and wine for their guests to drink and eat while they enjoy all the awesome art work displayed on the walls.
So far, the RSVP list is as follows:
1. Gwen and guest
2. Woofs (and guest?)
3. Gbriano (and guest?)
4. devilwoman and guest
5. susiedearest (from the MAS site)
Who else is witchy enough to join us? Come on now! Don't be shy. Be proud! If the broom fits, wear it!
Click HERE for a male review of the first years Burn the Witch.
or click here for a female's perspective!
CLICK HERE for a Twinkielicious Review of the SECOND YEAR's Burn the Witch.
CLICK HERE for my Hair Review and fun recap and pictures. Please excuse the ones that say, 
. MY BAD!
Posted in the
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Topics:
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all women's art show,
Bakersfield,
Jen Raven,
Julie Jordan Scott,
twinkie,
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posted by
twinkie on
Wednesday, October 1, 2008 at 09:58 PM
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Our next stop was:
The thing I LOVE about our next stop from our 10 year anniversary trip is that Mr. Twinkie HAD TO stop there because he knows that Andrew Firestone is the owner and that I would WANT to stop there.
You see, Andrew Firestone was on one of my favorite shows on ABC called The Bachelor.
So even though at the time we mapped out which wineries we wanted to hit I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Andrew and his winery.
He said, “OK so we have to stop at Tobin's and Firestone. Where else?”
“Wow, babe, you remembered?” I replied, gushing.
But then when we left Tobin's I was already tipsy and forgot all about Firestone and he reminded me again...”Don't forget to watch out for the sign.”
Then I forgot about it AGAIN.. and luckily he was watching out for it and stopped.
It's like he was on a mission to get ME there and that ROCKED!
Unfortunately that's ALL that rocked. Our wine taster person was OK but the wine SUCKED. She did act like she cared that we were there on our anniversary... a little.. but not enough to waive the $4.00 a person tasting fee (even though we bought two bottles of wine from her)
What a ripoff. Usually if you buy a bottle then you don't pay the tasting fee, but whatever. At least I can NOW finally say that I've been to Firestone.
After that we drove on and Mr. Twinkie decided he needed to rest for a bit. So we stopped at Big Bubba's BBQ. The bartender was friendly and so were these two guys sitting near us at the bar. I told them it was our anniversary and they were excited for us.
One of the guys said we didn't look old enough to be married for ten years and I told him I was.. just Mr. Twinkie wasn't. I told him I was a "cougar" and he laughed and said he went the opposite way.. he went with a younger bride.
“What is that called?” he asked.
I answered, “OOOOH.. yeaaaaaaah, that's called a pervert. Hahahaa”
Everybody started laughing except for Mr. Twinkie who sorta laughed but said under his breath that I was being rude.
The bartender said since it was our anniversary we should take a fun picture. Then she let us take a picture by the mechanical bull.
I was a little apprehensive since I’m such a klutz, I just KNEW I’d fall off.
I told her, "I don't have to ride it, do i?" and she said no... so there we are...
Then as I was mounting off, Mr. Twinkie shook the damn thing and I screamed like the little biotch that I am. hahaha
After that we were off to ONE more winery. We decided to take the scenic route.
*more to come later... ...
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posted by
twinkie on
Wednesday, October 1, 2008 at 04:12 PM
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