http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620 My&nbsp;last article that N.L. Belardes featured on his blog Paperback Writer about the Tav Cam Adventures and the girl on drugs who was arrested prompted further discussions between my friends and I via email. We started sharing our own experiences and &ldquo;wake up calls&rdquo; and so I&rsquo;m sharing mine right now. It&rsquo;s not as bad as the drug thing, but it sure woke me up about drinking and driving. &nbsp; I had finished my evening shift as a waitress at Mossman&rsquo;s Restaurant on Buck Owens Blvd (way before it was called Buck Owens Blvd.) There was a country bar attached to the building where my friend was a bartender. That particular night I promised her a ride home. My shift ended before hers, so I decided to wait around while having a few beers. &nbsp; On our way to take her home I see the dreaded lights asking me to pull over so I do . &nbsp; The officer walks over to my car and says, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m an officer with power&hellip;bow down to me! &rdquo; OK so he didn&rsquo;t really say that but don&rsquo;t most officers seem to have a &ldquo;bow down to me&rdquo; sort of stride? &nbsp; &nbsp;With his notepad in hand, he leans his head down and says in his very man-with-authority voice, &ldquo;The reason I pulled you over is because you were swerving. Have you been drinking tonight?&rdquo; &nbsp; Of course I immediately freaked out! I stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. I didn&rsquo;t know what to say. I could feel the tears start to fill my eyes and I was sure I was going to start bawling like a scared little baby. &nbsp; I had beer breath. There was no denying it. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and scared to death. What do I do? What do I say? Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? Do I try to make a run for it? Nah, my little four cylinder Hyundai S-Coupe was no match for this guy. He could probably skip faster than my cute little wind-up car. &nbsp; Finally, I took a deep breath and decided to be as honest as possible without really ratting myself out and said, &ldquo;Well, I did have a&nbsp;beer (meaning three) at the bar after work. But that was about 2 hours ago (meaning just a few minutes ago). And now I&rsquo;m on my way home (meaning after I dropped my friend off.) &nbsp;There!&nbsp;I was quite happy with my answer. I looked at him to see if he bought any of it.&nbsp; &nbsp; Of course having confessed to the drinking he wasn&rsquo;t about to just let me go.&nbsp;Or perhaps because I had been swerving?&nbsp;Either way, &nbsp;he explains to me that he was going to have to give me some tests to make sure I wasn&rsquo;t over the limit. So he says, &ldquo;Follow this pen with your eyes, without moving your head.&rdquo; &nbsp; I could feel my heart racing a million beats per minute.&nbsp;My face feels flushed&nbsp;and suddenly my hands felt extremely clammy.&nbsp;I freaked out! &ldquo;Please calm down Norma , please don&rsquo;t cry,&rdquo; I think to myself while taking deep breaths. Then I realized cars are driving by witnessing my humiliation. &nbsp; Suddenly, instead of crying I start giggling and couldn&rsquo;t stop. I started saying between laughter, &ldquo;Oh my goooooooooosh, officer I am so embarrassed. I am sooooo not that girl.&rdquo; Still laughing, I say, &ldquo; I am not the drunk driving girl. I am not the girl that gets in trouble with the law. How embarrassing! I am just a single mom of two kids that rarely goes out, and in fact only stayed after work today to have just ONE beer (*coughLIE cough) because my friend needed a ride home and her shift ends after mine.&rdquo; &nbsp; He doesn&rsquo;t believe me.&nbsp;He is standing there watching me laugh with a serene look on his face, motionless and completely not finding the humor in the situation. I can&rsquo;t say I blame him. He moves the pen, right to left and I&rsquo;m still giggling like a little school girl. &nbsp; I say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, I&rsquo;m sorry. I just can&rsquo;t stop laughing. This is so embarrassing! Oh my God, eeeeek!&nbsp;I can&rsquo;t believe I&rsquo;m getting the drunk test.&rdquo; I try to stop my silly immature giggling but I just can&rsquo;t.. &nbsp; He forgives my laughter, but isn&rsquo;t letting up on the tests. He slowly moves the pen again.&nbsp;&nbsp; His face is now concentrating on my eyes. I can tell he means business. I&rsquo;m sure he&rsquo;s very annoyed at me and I start to panic. I try very hard to follow it&hellip; while giggling. &ldquo;Hold still Norma , follow the stinkin&rsquo; pen with your eyes. Don&rsquo;t move your head. And for God&rsquo;s sake, STOP LAUGHING,&rdquo; I think to myself. &nbsp; Once again&hellip; I moved my head. I say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry I&rsquo;m sorry.. give me one more chance! Just one more! I swear I&rsquo;ll get it this time.&rdquo; &nbsp; He moves the pen again.&nbsp; &nbsp; I shriek and say, &ldquo;Oh my gooooooosh, I can just see the headlines now with my ugly assed mug shot in the paper!&rdquo;&nbsp;Then I &ldquo;pretend pose&rdquo; for my mug shot. &nbsp; So now he finally lets up and starts laughing. I said, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m just nervous. You&rsquo;re making me nervous. I can do this, I promise! But first do you mind if I go across the street to go pee. I really gotta go. Please?&rdquo; &nbsp; He says, &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s try another test.&rdquo; So he makes me do the walk in a straight line test.&nbsp;&ldquo;Heel, toe, heel toe&rdquo; he says. But I have to pee so bad that I&rsquo;m crossing my legs and laughing trying not pee and I&rsquo;m saying, &ldquo;Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,! I&rsquo;m gonna pee my pants.&rdquo; We both start laughing. &ldquo;I am so embarrassed. Officer, I swear I&rsquo;m not drunk. You can even do the breathalyzer on me if you want. The reason I was probably swerving is because I am driving with my tiny spare tire on, and so the car pulls really bad to the right.&rdquo; This was totally true! &nbsp; He looks at my spare tire, laughs with me. And says, &ldquo;OK, well I&rsquo;m gonna let you go. But you better go straight home.&rdquo; &nbsp; I say, &ldquo;Yes, officer, thank you so much. I will.&rdquo; &nbsp; I know how differently that story could have turned out and I feel very fortunate that it didn't.&nbsp; Does anybody else have similar wake up calls or funny/crazy stories about getting pulled over and given a second chance? My&nbsp;last article that N.L. Belardes featured on his blog Paperback Writer about the Tav Cam Adventures and the girl on drugs who was arrested prompted further discussions between my friends and I via email. We started sharing our own experiences and &ldquo;wake up calls&rdquo; and so I&rsquo;m sharing mine right now. It&rsquo;s not as bad as the drug thing, but it sure woke me up about drinking and driving. &nbsp; I had finished my evening shift as a waitress at Mossman&rsquo;s Restaurant on Buck Owens Blvd (way before it was called Buck Owens Blvd.) There was a country bar attached to the building where my friend was a bartender. That particular night I promised her a ride home. My shift ended before hers, so I decided to wait around while having a few beers. &nbsp; On our way to take her home I see the dreaded lights asking me to pull over so I do . &nbsp; The officer walks over to my car and says, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m an officer with power&hellip;bow down to me! &rdquo; OK so he didn&rsquo;t really say that but don&rsquo;t most officers seem to have a &ldquo;bow down to me&rdquo; sort of stride? &nbsp; &nbsp;With his notepad in hand, he leans his head down and says in his very man-with-authority voice, &ldquo;The reason I pulled you over is because you were swerving. Have you been drinking tonight?&rdquo; &nbsp; Of course I immediately freaked out! I stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. I didn&rsquo;t know what to say. I could feel the tears start to fill my eyes and I was sure I was going to start bawling like a scared little baby. &nbsp; I had beer breath. There was no denying it. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and scared to death. What do I do? What do I say? Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? Do I try to make a run for it? Nah, my little four cylinder Hyundai S-Coupe was no match for this guy. He could probably skip faster than my cute little wind-up car. &nbsp; Finally, I took a deep breath and decided to be as honest as possible without really ratting myself out and said, &ldquo;Well, I did have a&nbsp;beer (meaning three) at the bar after work. But that was about 2 hours ago (meaning just a few minutes ago). And now I&rsquo;m on my way home (meaning after I dropped my friend off.) &nbsp;There!&nbsp;I was quite happy with my answer. I looked at him to see if he bought any of it.&nbsp; &nbsp; Of course having confessed to the drinking he wasn&rsquo;t about to just let me go.&nbsp;Or perhaps because I had been swerving?&nbsp;Either way, &nbsp;he explains to me that he was going to have to give me some tests to make sure I wasn&rsquo;t over the limit. So he says, &ldquo;Follow this pen with your eyes, without moving your head.&rdquo; &nbsp; I could feel my heart racing a million beats per minute.&nbsp;My face feels flushed&nbsp;and suddenly my hands felt extremely clammy.&nbsp;I freaked out! &ldquo;Please calm down Norma , please don&rsquo;t cry,&rdquo; I think to myself while taking deep breaths. Then I realized cars are driving by witnessing my humiliation. &nbsp; Suddenly, instead of crying I start giggling and couldn&rsquo;t stop. I started saying between laughter, &ldquo;Oh my goooooooooosh, officer I am so embarrassed. I am sooooo not that girl.&rdquo; Still laughing, I say, &ldquo; I am not the drunk driving girl. I am not the girl that gets in trouble with the law. How embarrassing! I am just a single mom of two kids that rarely goes out, and in fact only stayed after work today to have just ONE beer (*coughLIE cough) because my friend needed a ride home and her shift ends after mine.&rdquo; &nbsp; He doesn&rsquo;t believe me.&nbsp;He is standing there watching me laugh with a serene look on his face, motionless and completely not finding the humor in the situation. I can&rsquo;t say I blame him. He moves the pen, right to left and I&rsquo;m still giggling like a little school girl. &nbsp; I say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, I&rsquo;m sorry. I just can&rsquo;t stop laughing. This is so embarrassing! Oh my God, eeeeek!&nbsp;I can&rsquo;t believe I&rsquo;m getting the drunk test.&rdquo; I try to stop my silly immature giggling but I just can&rsquo;t.. &nbsp; He forgives my laughter, but isn&rsquo;t letting up on the tests. He slowly moves the pen again.&nbsp;&nbsp; His face is now concentrating on my eyes. I can tell he means business. I&rsquo;m sure he&rsquo;s very annoyed at me and I start to panic. I try very hard to follow it&hellip; while giggling. &ldquo;Hold still Norma , follow the stinkin&rsquo; pen with your eyes. Don&rsquo;t move your head. And for God&rsquo;s sake, STOP LAUGHING,&rdquo; I think to myself. &nbsp; Once again&hellip; I moved my head. I say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry I&rsquo;m sorry.. give me one more chance! Just one more! I swear I&rsquo;ll get it this time.&rdquo; &nbsp; He moves the pen again.&nbsp; &nbsp; I shriek and say, &ldquo;Oh my gooooooosh, I can just see the headlines now with my ugly assed mug shot in the paper!&rdquo;&nbsp;Then I &ldquo;pretend pose&rdquo; for my mug shot. &nbsp; So now he finally lets up and starts laughing. I said, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m just nervous. You&rsquo;re making me nervous. I can do this, I promise! But first do you mind if I go across the street to go pee. I really gotta go. Please?&rdquo; &nbsp; He says, &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s try another test.&rdquo; So he makes me do the walk in a straight line test.&nbsp;&ldquo;Heel, toe, heel toe&rdquo; he says. But I have to pee so bad that I&rsquo;m crossing my legs and laughing trying not pee and I&rsquo;m saying, &ldquo;Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,! I&rsquo;m gonna pee my pants.&rdquo; We both start laughing. &ldquo;I am so embarrassed. Officer, I swear I&rsquo;m not drunk. You can even do the breathalyzer on me if you want. The reason I was probably swerving is because I am driving with my tiny spare tire on, and so the car pulls really bad to the right.&rdquo; This was totally true! &nbsp; He looks at my spare tire, laughs with me. And says, &ldquo;OK, well I&rsquo;m gonna let you go. But you better go straight home.&rdquo; &nbsp; I say, &ldquo;Yes, officer, thank you so much. I will.&rdquo; &nbsp; I know how differently that story could have turned out and I feel very fortunate that it didn't.&nbsp; Does anybody else have similar wake up calls or funny/crazy stories about getting pulled over and given a second chance? en-us Tue, 23 Jan 2007 14:26:28 PST I dont have a police story:) YOU CRIMINAL:) I can soo see you doing the pee pee dance though,,, http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13018 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13018 I dont have a police story:) YOU CRIMINAL:) I can soo see you doing the pee pee dance though,,, Not ONE? woofs? Come on! You're from Earlimart... everybody knows about those Earlimart girls! hehe Just kidding. I do, however think you need to share an Earlimart Chevron story with us soon! http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13019 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13019 Not ONE? woofs? Come on! You're from Earlimart... everybody knows about those Earlimart girls! hehe Just kidding. I do, however think you need to share an Earlimart Chevron story with us soon! <font face="Verdana">I got pulled over for coming from a bar one night with a friend for suspected drunk driving - which I probably was - or at least had had too much. He asked me to get out of the car and do the sobriety test. He asked me to walk heel toe, heel toe so I walk down the side walk to walk back toward him. He says you have to be walking AWAY from me not toward me. I told him he was making me nervous. He asked what he could do to make me less nervous. I told him to GET NAKED! LOL He laughed so freakin' hard ....thank god. he said he was actually off duty for the night and just on his way back to the station when he pulled me over. For the entertainment value he'd let us go if my friend would drive. </font> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13027 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13027 <font face="Verdana">I got pulled over for coming from a bar one night with a friend for suspected drunk driving - which I probably was - or at least had had too much. He asked me to get out of the car and do the sobriety test. He asked me to walk heel toe, heel toe so I walk down the side walk to walk back toward him. He says you have to be walking AWAY from me not toward me. I told him he was making me nervous. He asked what he could do to make me less nervous. I told him to GET NAKED! LOL He laughed so freakin' hard ....thank god. he said he was actually off duty for the night and just on his way back to the station when he pulled me over. For the entertainment value he'd let us go if my friend would drive. </font> <p>Norma, I always enjoy your stories.  I don't have any good pull over stories either.  I've only been pulled over once on my way to Flordia for speeding but he let me off with a warning.  Very boring.</p> <p>Becky (RFT)</p> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13055 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13055 <p>Norma, I always enjoy your stories.  I don't have any good pull over stories either.  I've only been pulled over once on my way to Flordia for speeding but he let me off with a warning.  Very boring.</p> <p>Becky (RFT)</p> I hope you learned your lesson! http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13057 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13057 I hope you learned your lesson! I did, believe me! And next time I get pulled over for suspected drunk driving I'm going to giggle a LOT to get out of it...&nbsp; http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13059 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13059 I did, believe me! And next time I get pulled over for suspected drunk driving I'm going to giggle a LOT to get out of it...&nbsp; <p>I've been pulled over a few times, for really lame things ...</p> <p>Once, a sobriety check.&nbsp; I was 17, totally sober, he shines his light in my eyes and says &quot;Oh, look at those BIG blue eyes&quot;&nbsp;then tells me to move along.&nbsp; I chuckled because my eyes are green, must have been one of their chameleon change moments.</p> <p>Another time I'm heading West and turn right, the car coming East seemed far enough away ... nope it was a coppa' and he turned behind me with the lights flashing.&nbsp; My friend had a warrant and starts to sweat, turns some country music on low (I never listen to country, so that was weird to me).&nbsp; The officer walks up and asks &quot;Do you know why I pulled you over &quot;&nbsp; &quot;No&quot; I smile.&nbsp; &quot;Well, you pulled out in front of me making that turn&quot;&nbsp; &quot;I did?&nbsp; I am SO sorry!&quot;&nbsp; He looks at me and my thick glasses and asks &quot;Do you have a hard time judging distance at night?&quot;&nbsp; &quot;Well, I never noticed that I did, but I must!&quot;&nbsp; He smiles and says &quot;Well, be a little more careful in the future, and have a nice evening ma'am ... I like what you are listening too&quot;&nbsp; and off he went.</p> <p>Then there was that time I was coming back from Balch Park (or whatever it's called).&nbsp; Aidan's deadbeat was driving my truck and flying down the highway.&nbsp; Here comes the Po Po in the opposite direction, I look in the mirror, see him pull to the side, waiting for traffic to pass so he could make a U-Turn and come after us.&nbsp; Guess what?&nbsp; Deadbeat didn't have a valid DL.&nbsp; So what do we do?&nbsp; Going 80 MPH and slowing a bit we switch places, I pull on his baseball cap and begin slowing down to the legal limit.&nbsp; Finally the cop catches up with lights a'blazing.&nbsp; I'm cursing deadbeat, telling him if I get a ticket he's walking home.&nbsp; Mr. Officer gets out of his vehicle, carefully steps around the bed of my truck where a dog the size of a bear cub is tied in, then taps on my window and asks me to roll it down (I'm doing the standard procedure of placing my hands on the steering wheel and waiting for him).&nbsp; As I roll my window down Aidan (who's just a few months old) begins to cry from the backseat.&nbsp; He asks me if I knew why he pulled me over.&nbsp; I look puzzled and say &quot;No, I don't&quot;&nbsp; He tells me I was speeding, he'd clocked me going 90 in this 55.&nbsp; I open my eyes wide and say &quot;Really?!&quot;&nbsp; He then asks &quot;You really don't need a ticket do you&quot; as he looks back towards the crying infant.&nbsp; &quot;No, I really don't&quot; and then he says the magic words &quot;Well, it took me awhile to catch up with you, when I did you were going the speed limit, just watch your speed next time&quot; &quot;Oh, thank you SO much!&quot;&nbsp; And off I went.</p> <p>Other lame times were fix it&nbsp;warnings pulling into my driveway for a headlight or taillight out in my Hyundai S-Coupe (hey Twinkie, we had the same little 4 banger vroom, vroom!)</p> <p>Until 2004 ...</p> <p>I had purchased my 2004 Corolla about a month earlier and was going over the Grapevine to take my friend back to Hollywood after the 4th of July.&nbsp; I had a migraine, didn't feel well, and needed to get there and get back with Aidan in time to get her ready for bed.&nbsp; I admit I was going 75, maybe touching on 80 here and there going down hills ... but now way in hell was I going 92!</p> <p>That's what he claims he clocked me at.&nbsp; I called it a case of mistaken identity.&nbsp; There were 3 vehicles on each other's butts going down a hill, break break breaking.&nbsp; That freaks me out a bit, so I pulled into the lane next to them to pass and get away from them.&nbsp; I then put on my blinker and pull in front of them, then into the lane on the other side of them.&nbsp; As I do this a white car similar to mine (I think it was a Civic), FLEW by in the farthest lane I had just come out of (one reason I'd changed lanes, he was on my ass).&nbsp; As all this is happening I see two big rigs pulled over on the side of the road, then as I pass I see the cop hiding between them.&nbsp; Next thing I know he has his lights on and is telling me to pull over.&nbsp; So I do ... mind you, I was not in the mood to talk to anyone, my head hurt like an icepick was being shoved and wiggled into the back of my brain.&nbsp; With my hands on my steering wheel I watch him from my mirror carefully approaching my car from the passenger side with his hand on his holster.&nbsp; My friend had cracked his window, we can hardly hear the HP, but it sounded something like he was radioing that he had pulled over a Corolla that didn't have plates (I hadn't received mine in the mail yet) from Bill Wright Toyota.&nbsp; As if it was a stolen car.&nbsp; He finally gets up close enough to see my then 6 year old in the backseat and his body language relaxes.&nbsp; He's trying to start a conversation with me.&nbsp; Tells me he clocked me at 92.&nbsp; I stutter and stammer that that is impossible, I was just passing three cars driving like idiots to get away from them and had another car on my butt, so I'd sped up a tad to be able to pull in front of the three and let that other car pass me.&nbsp; He then asks if my car is new.&nbsp; I wanted to reply &quot;NO SHIT&quot; instead I said &quot;Yes.&quot;&nbsp; He asks what kind of car I had before.&nbsp; I want to reply &quot;None of you f'ing business&quot; but instead mumble &quot;a Ford Escort Wagon&quot; and he then says &quot;Well this one must have a lot more get up and go than that one, huh?&quot; and smiles.&nbsp; I try to force a smile, but in my state of pain I probably gave him more of a smirk as I replied &quot;It gets me over the Grapevine&quot;&nbsp; </p> <p>Then he writes me a ticket, for 92!&nbsp; I again stammer that I was not going 92!&nbsp; Then I remember what a friend of mine (who is an LA sheriff) once told me ... If you ever get pulled over for speeding and a ticket is issued ask for his vacation dates.&nbsp; So I say &quot;Excuse me, could you please write in your vacation dates?&quot;&nbsp; He says &quot;Why?&quot;&nbsp; I reply &quot;Well, my friend who works for LASD told me to ask that if I was ever pulled over&quot;&nbsp; he laughs, writes the dates in and says &quot;The entire month of August, but I don't think that's going to help you&quot;</p> <p>This was my first speeding ticket ever and I had been driving for 9 years.&nbsp; I went to court in Valencia (I'd been pulled over just South of Gormen at what I now know is a speed trap), the sentencing judge was like &quot;There are no excuses, it's guilty or not guilty.&nbsp; I'm tired of people speeding all over my town.&nbsp; I nearly saw another wreck just this morning from people running lights.&nbsp; Don't let me get into the Meth problem in this town&quot; and I'm thinking &quot;Ass, I was 20 miles from YOUR town&quot; so when it's my turn I reply &quot;Not guilty&quot; and get a court date.&nbsp; I was hoping MR HP wouldn't show.&nbsp; He did.&nbsp; I explain the situation to the judge.&nbsp; The HP says it was safe conditions, I was going down hill, I had my daughter in the backseat, his radar had been calibrated that day.&nbsp; Then he tells the judge &quot;and she asked for my vacation dates&quot; then they both chuckle, like it was some big inside joke!&nbsp; I know this isn't going in my favor, I ask for leniency, that this was my first ticket, please let me go to traffic school!&nbsp; Oh no, I was 2 miles over the limit to go to traffic school, so a big F you to me and out I went.&nbsp; The officer followed me into the parking lot, as he's walking away he says &quot;I'm really sorry about that&quot;&nbsp; Yep, he was just meeting his quota.</p> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13145 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13145 <p>I've been pulled over a few times, for really lame things ...</p> <p>Once, a sobriety check.&nbsp; I was 17, totally sober, he shines his light in my eyes and says &quot;Oh, look at those BIG blue eyes&quot;&nbsp;then tells me to move along.&nbsp; I chuckled because my eyes are green, must have been one of their chameleon change moments.</p> <p>Another time I'm heading West and turn right, the car coming East seemed far enough away ... nope it was a coppa' and he turned behind me with the lights flashing.&nbsp; My friend had a warrant and starts to sweat, turns some country music on low (I never listen to country, so that was weird to me).&nbsp; The officer walks up and asks &quot;Do you know why I pulled you over &quot;&nbsp; &quot;No&quot; I smile.&nbsp; &quot;Well, you pulled out in front of me making that turn&quot;&nbsp; &quot;I did?&nbsp; I am SO sorry!&quot;&nbsp; He looks at me and my thick glasses and asks &quot;Do you have a hard time judging distance at night?&quot;&nbsp; &quot;Well, I never noticed that I did, but I must!&quot;&nbsp; He smiles and says &quot;Well, be a little more careful in the future, and have a nice evening ma'am ... I like what you are listening too&quot;&nbsp; and off he went.</p> <p>Then there was that time I was coming back from Balch Park (or whatever it's called).&nbsp; Aidan's deadbeat was driving my truck and flying down the highway.&nbsp; Here comes the Po Po in the opposite direction, I look in the mirror, see him pull to the side, waiting for traffic to pass so he could make a U-Turn and come after us.&nbsp; Guess what?&nbsp; Deadbeat didn't have a valid DL.&nbsp; So what do we do?&nbsp; Going 80 MPH and slowing a bit we switch places, I pull on his baseball cap and begin slowing down to the legal limit.&nbsp; Finally the cop catches up with lights a'blazing.&nbsp; I'm cursing deadbeat, telling him if I get a ticket he's walking home.&nbsp; Mr. Officer gets out of his vehicle, carefully steps around the bed of my truck where a dog the size of a bear cub is tied in, then taps on my window and asks me to roll it down (I'm doing the standard procedure of placing my hands on the steering wheel and waiting for him).&nbsp; As I roll my window down Aidan (who's just a few months old) begins to cry from the backseat.&nbsp; He asks me if I knew why he pulled me over.&nbsp; I look puzzled and say &quot;No, I don't&quot;&nbsp; He tells me I was speeding, he'd clocked me going 90 in this 55.&nbsp; I open my eyes wide and say &quot;Really?!&quot;&nbsp; He then asks &quot;You really don't need a ticket do you&quot; as he looks back towards the crying infant.&nbsp; &quot;No, I really don't&quot; and then he says the magic words &quot;Well, it took me awhile to catch up with you, when I did you were going the speed limit, just watch your speed next time&quot; &quot;Oh, thank you SO much!&quot;&nbsp; And off I went.</p> <p>Other lame times were fix it&nbsp;warnings pulling into my driveway for a headlight or taillight out in my Hyundai S-Coupe (hey Twinkie, we had the same little 4 banger vroom, vroom!)</p> <p>Until 2004 ...</p> <p>I had purchased my 2004 Corolla about a month earlier and was going over the Grapevine to take my friend back to Hollywood after the 4th of July.&nbsp; I had a migraine, didn't feel well, and needed to get there and get back with Aidan in time to get her ready for bed.&nbsp; I admit I was going 75, maybe touching on 80 here and there going down hills ... but now way in hell was I going 92!</p> <p>That's what he claims he clocked me at.&nbsp; I called it a case of mistaken identity.&nbsp; There were 3 vehicles on each other's butts going down a hill, break break breaking.&nbsp; That freaks me out a bit, so I pulled into the lane next to them to pass and get away from them.&nbsp; I then put on my blinker and pull in front of them, then into the lane on the other side of them.&nbsp; As I do this a white car similar to mine (I think it was a Civic), FLEW by in the farthest lane I had just come out of (one reason I'd changed lanes, he was on my ass).&nbsp; As all this is happening I see two big rigs pulled over on the side of the road, then as I pass I see the cop hiding between them.&nbsp; Next thing I know he has his lights on and is telling me to pull over.&nbsp; So I do ... mind you, I was not in the mood to talk to anyone, my head hurt like an icepick was being shoved and wiggled into the back of my brain.&nbsp; With my hands on my steering wheel I watch him from my mirror carefully approaching my car from the passenger side with his hand on his holster.&nbsp; My friend had cracked his window, we can hardly hear the HP, but it sounded something like he was radioing that he had pulled over a Corolla that didn't have plates (I hadn't received mine in the mail yet) from Bill Wright Toyota.&nbsp; As if it was a stolen car.&nbsp; He finally gets up close enough to see my then 6 year old in the backseat and his body language relaxes.&nbsp; He's trying to start a conversation with me.&nbsp; Tells me he clocked me at 92.&nbsp; I stutter and stammer that that is impossible, I was just passing three cars driving like idiots to get away from them and had another car on my butt, so I'd sped up a tad to be able to pull in front of the three and let that other car pass me.&nbsp; He then asks if my car is new.&nbsp; I wanted to reply &quot;NO SHIT&quot; instead I said &quot;Yes.&quot;&nbsp; He asks what kind of car I had before.&nbsp; I want to reply &quot;None of you f'ing business&quot; but instead mumble &quot;a Ford Escort Wagon&quot; and he then says &quot;Well this one must have a lot more get up and go than that one, huh?&quot; and smiles.&nbsp; I try to force a smile, but in my state of pain I probably gave him more of a smirk as I replied &quot;It gets me over the Grapevine&quot;&nbsp; </p> <p>Then he writes me a ticket, for 92!&nbsp; I again stammer that I was not going 92!&nbsp; Then I remember what a friend of mine (who is an LA sheriff) once told me ... If you ever get pulled over for speeding and a ticket is issued ask for his vacation dates.&nbsp; So I say &quot;Excuse me, could you please write in your vacation dates?&quot;&nbsp; He says &quot;Why?&quot;&nbsp; I reply &quot;Well, my friend who works for LASD told me to ask that if I was ever pulled over&quot;&nbsp; he laughs, writes the dates in and says &quot;The entire month of August, but I don't think that's going to help you&quot;</p> <p>This was my first speeding ticket ever and I had been driving for 9 years.&nbsp; I went to court in Valencia (I'd been pulled over just South of Gormen at what I now know is a speed trap), the sentencing judge was like &quot;There are no excuses, it's guilty or not guilty.&nbsp; I'm tired of people speeding all over my town.&nbsp; I nearly saw another wreck just this morning from people running lights.&nbsp; Don't let me get into the Meth problem in this town&quot; and I'm thinking &quot;Ass, I was 20 miles from YOUR town&quot; so when it's my turn I reply &quot;Not guilty&quot; and get a court date.&nbsp; I was hoping MR HP wouldn't show.&nbsp; He did.&nbsp; I explain the situation to the judge.&nbsp; The HP says it was safe conditions, I was going down hill, I had my daughter in the backseat, his radar had been calibrated that day.&nbsp; Then he tells the judge &quot;and she asked for my vacation dates&quot; then they both chuckle, like it was some big inside joke!&nbsp; I know this isn't going in my favor, I ask for leniency, that this was my first ticket, please let me go to traffic school!&nbsp; Oh no, I was 2 miles over the limit to go to traffic school, so a big F you to me and out I went.&nbsp; The officer followed me into the parking lot, as he's walking away he says &quot;I'm really sorry about that&quot;&nbsp; Yep, he was just meeting his quota.</p> <p>Oh, here's my wake up call, but I didn't get pulled over ... </p> <p>My friend and I would stupidly pull into this one particular library and smoke some Mary Jane, then we'd drive around town (I was like 18 or 19).&nbsp; One evening in particular we'd dressed up for whatever reason.&nbsp; She always made me drive her car, told me I drove better stoned than she did.&nbsp; So we are heading South on Real Rd.&nbsp; At the Ming intersection we see some hot guy in a car and think &quot;Oh we'll follow him&quot; so I put the car into reverse to change directions, but then we change our minds.</p> <p>The light changes green, I start with the gas, hear a thump, feel a thud.&nbsp; She looks at me and says &quot;Duuude, what do you think we hit?&quot;&nbsp; I'm like &quot;I think it was a caarrrrr&quot;</p> <p>Yep, it was a Saturn behind us, I'd forgotten to put the car back into drive.&nbsp; So I get out of the car and clomp towards the Saturn.&nbsp; I say clomp because I was wearing silver crushed velvet platform shoes and walked like a drag queen in them.&nbsp; I'm also wearing a sleeveless sliver dress that barely covered my bum.&nbsp; The driver is this nerdy white guy, the passenger is a nerdy white girl, they both look very frightened of me.&nbsp; I try really hard to play sober, he's getting back into his car after inspecting his vehicle.&nbsp; I ask if they are okay, my step dad is a chiropractor and I have insurance.&nbsp; They keep reassuring me that they are fine, their car is fine, they just wanted to get away from me.</p> <p>As I clomp back to my friends car I hear &quot;Hey, green car slut!&nbsp; Want to go to a party?&quot;&nbsp; from a car at the caddy corner intersection.&nbsp; My friend yells &quot;What did he say?&quot;&nbsp; I tell her as I'm halfway in the car.&nbsp; She gets pissed, I just yell back &quot;F YOU!&nbsp; Why would I want to go with someone who calls me a slut?&quot;&nbsp; Then I put the car in drive and off we went to the gay bar where we lured two young men into the car with promises of Taco Bell and Mary J ... and that is another story.</p> <p>Oh, yeah, the Saturn's front plate holder had left a crack in the shape of it on her bumper.&nbsp; We covered it with a bumper sticker so her dad wouldn't notice.&nbsp; After that&nbsp;I avoided driving under the influence.</p> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13148 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13148 <p>Oh, here's my wake up call, but I didn't get pulled over ... </p> <p>My friend and I would stupidly pull into this one particular library and smoke some Mary Jane, then we'd drive around town (I was like 18 or 19).&nbsp; One evening in particular we'd dressed up for whatever reason.&nbsp; She always made me drive her car, told me I drove better stoned than she did.&nbsp; So we are heading South on Real Rd.&nbsp; At the Ming intersection we see some hot guy in a car and think &quot;Oh we'll follow him&quot; so I put the car into reverse to change directions, but then we change our minds.</p> <p>The light changes green, I start with the gas, hear a thump, feel a thud.&nbsp; She looks at me and says &quot;Duuude, what do you think we hit?&quot;&nbsp; I'm like &quot;I think it was a caarrrrr&quot;</p> <p>Yep, it was a Saturn behind us, I'd forgotten to put the car back into drive.&nbsp; So I get out of the car and clomp towards the Saturn.&nbsp; I say clomp because I was wearing silver crushed velvet platform shoes and walked like a drag queen in them.&nbsp; I'm also wearing a sleeveless sliver dress that barely covered my bum.&nbsp; The driver is this nerdy white guy, the passenger is a nerdy white girl, they both look very frightened of me.&nbsp; I try really hard to play sober, he's getting back into his car after inspecting his vehicle.&nbsp; I ask if they are okay, my step dad is a chiropractor and I have insurance.&nbsp; They keep reassuring me that they are fine, their car is fine, they just wanted to get away from me.</p> <p>As I clomp back to my friends car I hear &quot;Hey, green car slut!&nbsp; Want to go to a party?&quot;&nbsp; from a car at the caddy corner intersection.&nbsp; My friend yells &quot;What did he say?&quot;&nbsp; I tell her as I'm halfway in the car.&nbsp; She gets pissed, I just yell back &quot;F YOU!&nbsp; Why would I want to go with someone who calls me a slut?&quot;&nbsp; Then I put the car in drive and off we went to the gay bar where we lured two young men into the car with promises of Taco Bell and Mary J ... and that is another story.</p> <p>Oh, yeah, the Saturn's front plate holder had left a crack in the shape of it on her bumper.&nbsp; We covered it with a bumper sticker so her dad wouldn't notice.&nbsp; After that&nbsp;I avoided driving under the influence.</p> YIKES girl! You've been pretty lucky.&nbsp; http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13186 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13186 YIKES girl! You've been pretty lucky.&nbsp; <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">So thats why you need your teenagers now a days lol.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">To drive you home when your drunk.:D</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">But yeah what are you trying to teach your kids. huh?</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Well i dont have anything that i got into trouble with from the cops.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">So yeah when i do ill tell you.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Oh wait my booty would be grounded lol. </font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Oh wait there was that one time  when it was Bretts birthday lol.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Well yeah love you mom.<3</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Kristle<3</font></strong></p> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13187 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13187 <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">So thats why you need your teenagers now a days lol.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">To drive you home when your drunk.:D</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">But yeah what are you trying to teach your kids. huh?</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Well i dont have anything that i got into trouble with from the cops.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">So yeah when i do ill tell you.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Oh wait my booty would be grounded lol. </font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Oh wait there was that one time  when it was Bretts birthday lol.</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Well yeah love you mom.<3</font></strong></p> <p align="center"><strong><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #3366ff" color="#ff6600">Kristle<3</font></strong></p> <p>Kristel, &quot;Do as I say not as I do&quot; hahaha</p> <p>and by the way.... You're grounded! :D</p> http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13188 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13188 <p>Kristel, &quot;Do as I say not as I do&quot; hahaha</p> <p>and by the way.... You're grounded! :D</p> We also have kids so we don't have to fetch the remote, a glass of milk, a cupcake, oh and to take our shoes off and rub our stanky feet.&nbsp; Yeah, and pick up the dogs poo.&nbsp; Unfortunately I can't give my sprog the &quot;I was in labor with you for 36 hours!&quot; ... she squirted out in 20 minutes ... http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13215 http://www.bakotopia.com/home/Blog/twinkie/1620/#c_13215 We also have kids so we don't have to fetch the remote, a glass of milk, a cupcake, oh and to take our shoes off and rub our stanky feet.&nbsp; Yeah, and pick up the dogs poo.&nbsp; Unfortunately I can't give my sprog the &quot;I was in labor with you for 36 hours!&quot; ... she squirted out in 20 minutes ...