Kick Off Your Shoes And Stay A While - twinkie's Blog - Bakotopia

A Twinkielicious Bath

It just occurred to me that I haven’t had a bath for a very long time. It’s not that I don’t enjoy them. It’s just that my baths (the very few I’ve actually been able to have in my life) usually go a little something like this:

Me: rush home from a hectic day at work. All I can think of at this moment is a glass of Cabernet and a candlelit bubble bath. But first, I need to make dinner, feed the family, help the kids with their homework, send the older two to bed, do a bit of chores around the house, put the little twinkies in their cribs… then run the hot water while I’m rushing around the house trying to get everything in order so when I finally do end up in my bubble bath, I can relax.

Prep time? About 2 or 3 hours

Bath? About 30 seconds

Then I it starts.

I hear, “Mooooooooommmmmmm….. my brother won’t leave me alone.

Me: Ignore

Them: she started it.

No he did.

No she did.

Who are you gonna believe?

Mom…..

MOOMMMMM??????

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Mom, she hit me.

He started it.

She hit me.

MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Me? Bath=over

I’m not complaining, though. Really. It was mostly just an observation.

I haven’t had a bath for a very long time.

And my teenagers haven’t been pesky little fighting pre-teen boogers for even longer.

Gawd I miss that!

*Plus, I thought this twinkie-taking-a-bath picture was sooo cute I wanted to blog about it.*

Take My Personality Test!

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.
They are:

A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it.. This is
great, I was astounded!
Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN ;

If you have chosen:

A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

Funny Football Commentary

Just in case any of you were wondering why I've been out of the loop when it comes to Bakersfield's music scene lately... here's why.

Well, ok so maybe you don't care or even notice but I'm gonna tell you anyways!

When my kids play their sports my every day except for Sunday is devoted to them. In fact, we just got back from San Francisco from watching Princess Twinkie's Colorguard team perform the pre-game show with the band. YES. We drove all the way to San Francisco to watch their 5 minute performance.

It's important to be there for your kids. Right? And it means a lot to them!

Anyways, back to Big Mickey and Annequin. They are playing tackle football. This is Annequin's second year, Big Mickey's first.

Not just because they're my kids, but.. honestly .. I was pretty damned impressed with how they did this season. Big Mickey really stepped it up to show big bro that he can be as tough as him and Annequin went from begging me to take him home the first day of "hell week" last year.. to being one of the best kids on his team this year. In fact, he made the Allstar Team. I'll probably post some pictures of that game next weekend but for now...

Here's some funny pictures: (we're the gold team)

them: hey.. where did he go?

him: Ummmm guys? I'm down here!!!

Him: grrrrr... I'm gonna get you!!!!!

Big Mickey #7: Oh yeah? You and what army???

Big Mickey #7 while on the floor holding his knee: OH. THAT army!!!

Annequin #9:

HEy PUNK nobody does that to MY little brother!!!

teammate: YEAH!!! Let's get 'em!!!

HIM: get out of my way little man!!! Or I'll have YOU for breakfast!!

(team gets mad... ) OH NO YOU DIDN'T ...
LET's RUMBLE!!!

*disclaimer* these pictures are sooooooo obviously out of order. I only put them in this specific order for the "laugh factor" Also, no children were hurt in the making of this post.

I got a Proposition [8] for you!

You'll have to excuse my bluntness but I had a very exciting weekend which means that now, Monday morning.. I'm wore out, tired and grumpy.

So here we go!

I've got a proposition for you. How 'bout we all stop acting like our own shit don't stink and that somehow we are "perfect" therefore we can judge others moralities even though ours is probably similar.

What if we just live. And let live. How 'bout that? You think we can do that? Why is that so hard?

Am I not making sense? Let me start here, then, I guess.

Allow me to share a little story with you written on a blog I read every day called Blogography.

Happiness

Entry Archive: August 12, 2004

"While I was stuck in an airport a while back (don't ask me when or where... these things all blend together for me) I looked up to see that one of the two guys who had just sat down across from me was wearing a Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirt. Being the Hard Rock junkie that I am, these things catch my attention. Upon further examination, I saw that it was a shirt from the cafe in Kobe, Japan. Since I was wearing my Nagoya, Japan HRC shirt, I felt I should say something:

Dave: Did you go to the Hard Rock Kobe to get that shirt?
Guy: I sure did. Did you go to Nagoya to get yours?
Dave: Yep! Did you know that they closed the Kobe cafe down?
Guy: Really? I'm glad I went then. Have you been to any of the others in Japan?
Dave: All of them!
Guy: Even the one in Fukuoka?
Dave: Yep, it was a long ride on the Shinkansen to get that T-Shirt!
Guy: Cool. I lived in Japan for almost two years but never made it down that far.
Dave: Don't feel bad, none of my friends in Japan have been either and they've lived there for a lot longer than two years!
Guy: Are you a pin collector?
Dave: I am... not hard core, but I've got quite a few.
Guy: Cool. Pins are expensive so my collection isn't that big. Now that I'm married it'll probably be a while before I see any more Hard Rock Cafes.
Dave: Your wife doesn't like you to travel?
Guy: Nah, but I'm hoping if I take him with me he won't mind so much.

That's when he reached over and took the hand of the guy sitting next to him. After further conversation, I learned that they had just been married and were returning from their honeymoon. All I could seem to say was "That's great!" -- and I really meant it. Here were two people obviously in love, blissfully happy, and it was a beautiful thing to see.

And today I learned that if these two guys were married in California, their marriage was just annulled along with every other same-sex couple married in the state.

What the f#@%?

This is the land of the free? Why? How in the hell was these two guys' happiness destroying anybody else's shot at being happy? So what if they are married... it may have taken me a moment for my mind to switch gears when I met them but, after it sunk in, it still seemed more natural to me than the Liza Minelli and David Gest "marriage."

click here to read the rest

See, what I don' t get is people who claim that gay people are going to hell for their way of life. That's all fine and dandy if you have those religious beliefs then good for you. It's your right.

Yet unless they were virgins when they got married, they are also living an immoral way of life (according to their own biblical standards.)

See, the Bible states that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed not just because of men sleeping with men, but because of FORNICATORS too. Yeah, FORNICATORS.

That means YOU.

Therefore, if you're using the Bible as your moral compass then we're all going to hell in hand basket.

Wretched Flesh, the nightmare series part 2

It’s happening again. I’m starting to get these weird bad dreams that seem horrible while I’m dreaming but once I wake up they’re silly.

So last night it involved maggots and caterpillars.

Princess Twinkie is only about 4 or 5 in my dream. She’s hungry, so I need to make her dinner. BUT I am going to school. Her cute brown eyes open wide and her lips are pouty as she pleads for something to quiet her hunger pangs. I feel immediate feel my heart pound and my palms sweat as I stress out trying to figure out how to feed her and make it to school on time.

The scene then changes to me walking across town and I live in McFarland again so I have to go over the “walking bridge” that goes over the freeway. Immediate chilling fear rushes throughout my body as I realize it’s the bridge that when I was little I always feared falling and rolling violently down the steep incline. Even then I realized how naturally clumsy I was and just knew that if it was gonna happen to anybody, it would be me. I could even picture myself taking one wrong step and … bam.

Roll.roll.roll.roll.BAM.

My friends would sometimes dare each other to run down and once in a while one would fall as soon as we’d hit the end. Luckily it was dirt that was awaiting us, not concrete. Which meant our scrapes wouldn’t be as bad as if we’d fallen into the street. I was never brave enough. It was a given that I was gonna fall, so why bother proving it?

In my dream I’m halfway down the bridge and my daughter appears to me. She says she’s hungry and she doesn’t feel good. Her throat hurts, she cries.

I look into her mouth and I see that she has a few red spots. Then I see a tiny little spider, maybe a baby black widow? and it bites her throat. A red bump immediately appears. I quickly try to reach for this spider, to kill it before it does more harm.

That’s when I notice! Pus filled soars all throughout her mouth and throat. The spider must have been biting her for days and the red bumps got infected and had turned to pus. I was too busy going to school and hanging out with my friends that I didn’t even notice.

My daughter seems uncomfortable but isn’t crying or anything so I try hard not to panic. I take her and walk to my mom’s house. She always knows what to do. My mom quickly tells me to start dinner while she figures something out.

I start dinner. Spaghetti. Once it’s done I put it in a serving tray and before I set it down on the table, I notice. Caterpillars and maggots have infested the spaghetti. They’re everywhere. I pour some sort of bug killer? I guess? On the spaghetti, trying to salvage it. It melts the spaghetti but the bugs are still there. I quickly yell for my brother to help me take this gooey maggot mess out to the trash.

My mom realizes that my daughter’s problem is more critical. See, apparently these bugs are coming out of HER mouth and infesting the house. She quickly urges me to take her to the E.R so I do.

The last scene of my dream I’m crying and crying because if it weren’t for me being so busy with my own life, I would have noticed this damned spider infesting my daughter’s body and creating this maggoty mess.

Barack thanks you!

I opened my email to this tonight:

(whoever voted for Obama insert your own name here)

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

No Snakes on THIS plane! (or birthday party

There are certain things I would never do for fun. And touching one of THESE is one of them.

My neighbor recently had a party for her son and she hired the “Reptile Man” It was really funny to see the kids reacting to these animals and the guy is a hoot.

With his lame attempts at adult humor and the corny joke telling.. well. I have to say his personality alone wins the adults over. It’s the snakes and stuff that attract the children.

This picture cracks me up because the kid on the left is really saying, “Ay! Don’t eat me!” but it looks like he’s saying, “Mmmmm! Yummy!”

The birthday boy kept saying, “Please let me get the tail. I don’t want to get the head. Don’t make me get the head. Please, I don’t want the head.”

But in this picture, he also looks like he’s about to eat the snake.

Plus, Mr. Reptile man is looking at me as if saying, “Can you hurry up with the picture, lady? This kid is about to eat the snake. And I’m afraid I’m next.”

I have to admit the party was pretty cool and the kids had a blast and we even learned a few animal facts.

But if I never see another snake again I'll be ok.

So please remember! The only kind of animals I want at MY birthday party are: Three Blind Moose, a Yellowtail, and maybe even a Fox.

/////////////////////////////

And we happen to be in Vegas, well, that's even better! After all, I mean COME ON!!!

It's VEGAS baby!

Poppy Cede and the Twinkie

I was reading one of my new favorite blogs this morning called Poppy Cede and she is recounting what happened to her last night. Here it is in part:

Title:

I know we're in a hurry, but…

I was driving to my pharmacy to pick up my prescription (went without a hitch, not the point of the story) and saw a man curled up in the road and a teal car about 2 feet from him. I am filling in the blanks that the teal car hit the man, although I don't know that. When I came to the scene that I did not witness there were no emergency responders there yet. Traffic was starting to back up in the lane where the teal car and man on the ground were. Nothing for me to do except move along little lady since I didn't witness it so I went to McDonald's for a Coke then CVS for my prescription.

click here to read the rest.

She received a few comments asking about the guy, did she stop? What if help wasn't on the way, etc etc.

For some reason, it triggered an old memory. See, it reminded me of my "dark days" when my life sucked and I was all gloomy and depressed all the time and I was making bad choices and then whining about the consequences.

Not that she is in a similar situation but it's a funny thing what happens when you read other peoples blogs, or poetry, or whatever. You read. You interpret. You conjur up old memories that are similar or you think are similar or you find ways to relate to it. So anyways, this is what it reminded me of and so I posted this:

Sometimes it's best to just move along. Other times it's a good idea to stop. Only you know when that time is, depending on the circumstances.

As a side note, it's moments like that which sometimes make you appreciate your own chaotic life and make you realize that no matter how shitty your own situation might be at the time, life goes on. So get your head out of your ass and keep on moving. LOL

Not that I think YOU have a shitty life, I'm just sayin' in general. I remember during a really BAD part of my life when I had my head up my ass thinking the world owed me a better life and wah wah wah this and boohoo hoo that, I drove by an accident that had just happened. I looked over and there was this pregnant lady in the drivers seat of a van and she was screaming. The way I was in traffic I couldn't stop (far right lane… accident was on the far left lane)

Anyways, I remember thinking, I just witnessed something tragic. This ladies life as she knows it has ended. (a car accident like that changes you forever) And yet, I still have to go to work. No fair.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200

In a bizarre and ummm…. Well, bizarre turn of events, a woman may charged for a virtual reality murder.

After finding out that her virtual husband in a virtual game called Maple City, the 43 year old Japanese piano teacher was so distraught she decided to virtually murder her virtual reality ex husband.

"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," said the virtually psycho woman.

OK, so obviously she won’t be charged in the real world for that virtual murder, (whew! I'm virtually relieved!)

In fact she hasn’t been virtually (or formally) charged at all yet.

But if the police decide to take this virtually ridiculous claim serious she could be convicted and face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

I wonder if she will have to go to virtual jail or pay a virtual fine?

I mean.. wow! The most caught up I've ever gotten in a game was one time when we stayed up till 5:00am trying to finish a game of Monopoly.

*NOTE TO MY REAL LIFE/INTERNET/VIRTUAL FRIENDS... if I EVER get that caught up in a computer game, or any game for that matter, somebody please force feed me some Prozac then MAKE me to go out and meet real people.

By real people of course I mean people I can actually REALLY murder if they piss me off... oops I mean... ah damn.

Did I just say that out loud?

CLICK HERE TO READ THIS VIRTUALLY RIDICULOUS STORY

An Elephant Ate My Twinkie

I opened my eyes this morning only to be greeted by a ray of sunlight shining brightly through my crimson red curtains. Normally this would foreshadow a sign of a great day ahead but not today.

The sun was too bright. My body hurt like I’d been in a train wreck. My fingers felt so brittle with pain radiating through all the way to my fingertips. I felt as if I made a complete fist my hands would fall apart.

Even so I forced myself up with every ounce of energy I was able to muster up and turned on the shower.

I didn’t bother looking for something to wear. It was too painful even to walk. Much less try and think about what matches, what needs ironing, what shoes go with what. I figured once I let the hot water relax my muscles a bit and woke fully from the oh-so-fresh-scent of my body wash I’d be in better condition to pick out what I’d be wearing that morning.

I started doing my morning stretches while the water turned into just the right temperature. Very HOT, almost too hot to the touch, then I jumped in the shower.

As my morning went on I knew it was gonna be one of those days. But I thought, “You know what would be great right now? What would turn my morning around a little bit? What would get me out of this funk? A quick morning sugar fix.”

I smiled then reached for a donut from the dozen Mr. Twinkie had bought the day before but they were all gone. Gah!

“No problem,” I thought. “I’ll just run to the store and get myself a Twinkie, or a Zinger.”

I drove down the street then hit a wall of never-ending traffic by the high school where the crowded street of parents rushing off last minute to drop off their kids and still make it to work in time can ruin anybody’s mood.

I avoided a couple of car accidents from those same impatient parents who have the “I own the road” mentality and finally made it to the store.

I chose Zingers this morning and a Starbucks bottled coffee from the refrigerated drinks section and went up to pay. The lady looked as grumpy and tired as me so I decided to make us both smile.

“Good morning!” I said with groggy eyes and the most cheerful voice I could muster up.

Her eyes lit up immediately, thankful for the early morning kindness.

“Good morning!” she replied!

“I love your necklace! It’s sooooo pretty!” I added. She had a gold chain with some sort of colorful charm, an elephant maybe? It was different. But pretty.

“Thank you!” she cheerfully responded.

I gave her my bank card and her smile faded. Oh Oh. My smile faded too.

"I hope she doesn't ask for my pin number because I don't remember it." I think to myself.

“Debit?” she asked?

“No, credit, please” I quickly responded, fearing and knowing what her answer was going to be. The answer that was going to turn my morning back into the shitty one it started out being. The morning where not only do I hurt in every inch of my body, even my hair follicles ached, but I also wasn’t going to get my sugar fix.

If I could just have a little bit of a comfort snack it would turn my whole day around. Or at least that’s what I convinced myself. My brain is conditioned to think of sugar as my comfort blanket. My teddy bear. My crack cocaine. My heroin.

Yes, sugar is my vice.

Sugar makes my body hurt less. If I’m sad, sugar makes me smile. If I’m mad, sugar calms my nerves. If I’m happy, sugar takes me to a state of nirvana. If I’m indifferent, sugar makes me care.

I could see her lips forming as if I was in a movie, slowly. You know, when something bad is about to happen and every thing goes in slow motion.

“Sooooooorrrrrrrrrry. Weeeeeeee doonnnnn’t take CREDIT,” she said. Her voice sounded evil as if she was gonna slit my throat that very minute. Her kind eyes immediately turned bright red. She looked possessed. In my mind she quickly turned into an unrecognizable and evil monster.

One with three bloody red evil eyes and she’s riding a brightly colored elephant monster covered in a gold body shield and if the monster doesn’t kill me, she will. She will beat my head with that debit machine and when my brain is oozing out of my ears she will laugh at me and wonder why I don’t know my pin number. That pin number could have saved my life or at least my day but no. Alas, no pin number to be found.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY??????

I felt angry, betrayed. Annoyed, even. Who doesn’t take credit nowadays. I mean seriously? Get with the times lady! You and your stupid elephant necklace. Who the hell wears a gold elephant anyways.

What the EFF?

By then it was too late to go to another store and still make it to work in time. Oh well. Maybe this was God’s way of saying my big ass doesn’t need any sugar this morning.

*Or that I need to remember my pin number?