Bakotopia

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“How are you doing these days?” A friend asked in an email the other day.

“I’m ok. Kind of bored, frustrated… and the Gemini anxiety is starting to kick in as my birthday rears its ugly head this coming weekend.” I wrote back.

“I am going to try and act like I forgot about my birthday.” He wrote back.

We’re both Gemini’s; we both suffer the Gemini anxiety...

I used to think I was crazy because I suffered the Gemini anxiety… that is until I found out there were other Gemini’s like me that suffered the same birthday anxiety every year.

“I think the fact that I am doing my best to forget that my birthday is looming would be anxiety. The week before my birthday is the worst! But I still have a couple weeks to go.” He explained.

“Yeah I know the week before my birthday is the worst too! Which is right now!” I exclaimed.

“I suggest you start drinking heavily.” He advised.

“Sounds like a good idea… either that or shopping like crazy!” I replied.

“You should go and buy that air soft pistol and water gun and shoot at the annoying cats.” He suggested.

“Do it!!!!! Stop by Big 5 and go nuts!” He continued.

“You want me to get more annoying cat hate mail don’t you?” I joked.

I don’t do birthdays well. I never have. I don’t like them. They make me anxious and riddled with self-doubt and low self-esteem. As if turning a year older is supposed to make you wiser, make things different, easier, special, but it doesn’t. Life is just as confusing, just as hard, only now you’re a year older. I don’t like birthday parties where I’m the center of attention, but I don’t want to spend my birthday alone either. Somewhere in the midst of what I’ve labeled the Gemini anxiety is a fine balance of happiness with your age and who you are that I have a hard time juggling.

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