Men Are Like Frosting...
Men Are Like Frosting...
By: Jane Reid, Bakotopia.com contributor
Description: How to avoid sitting around waiting for your sleigh to come in this holiday season!
Topics: Frosting, Bakotopia, Bakersfield, love, relationships, single, Holidays, dating, advice, blog
Posted by Bakontributor Wed Nov 28, 2007 16:03:32 PST
Viewed 481 times
0 responses 1 comment Men Are Like Frosting…
How to avoid sitting around waiting for your sleigh to come in this holiday season!
By Jane Reid, Bakotopia.com Contributor
As we approach Christmas, it seems like so many of my girl friends are feeling blue because they don’t have a boyfriend to buy a present for or, better yet, a boyfriend to buy a present for them! I have some thoughts on that and wanted to share them with all you single gals out there!
I have met some women, both recently and over the years, who have this incredible fear of relationships. The stereotype is that men are commitment phobes, when in fact, from what I’ve seen, it’s women that are afraid of entering a committed relationship or really any relationship at all. For me it is a constant struggle that will only get easier with time. So what are we so afraid of? What makes us emotionally paralyzed in this area?
In talking to different women and looking at my own life as well, it really is no wonder that we are hesitant. Things that some girls have had to go through break my heart. I have heard story after story of men mistreating their wives, daughters and sisters. I’ve seen it all: cheating men, abusive men, drunken men, manipulative men - and the list goes on. Statistics show that one in four women will be raped or molested by the time they are 18. While that number is astonishing I have still found it to be underestimated.
In talking to my girlfriends, a large majority of them have been taken advantage of by some man in their lives, usually by those very close to them. I have personally had some issues with men that have taken me years to get over. I still sometimes struggle to view men without the distorted mentality I’ve had for so long. Mentalities developed at an early age seem to have been engraved in my mind. I am not saying that all men are bad by any means. I have not personally had the luxury of a good example of what a man is supposed to be like, but I know there are good marriages out there and so therefore good examples must exist.
I have given this subject some thought lately for a couple of reasons. I felt this subject was particularly important to address in my own life and I also would like to have something to say to girls who share their stories with me and have more to offer than, “I’m sure there’s a good man out there for you.” That is the most vague and useless statement, yet they’re the only words of encouragement I’ve had to offer. I said all of that to say that I have reached a conclusion. For some it may be encouraging and for others it may seem rather depressing, but here goes.
You cannot tell by looking at a man or even knowing a man what kind of character he has or what terrible acts of betrayal he is capable of. There really is no foolproof way of protecting yourself from heartbreak, but here are some tips to help you put forth your best effort and at least try not to set yourself up.
• Stop worrying about it. Worrying leads to depression. Depression leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to sleepless nights. Sleepless nights lead to being tired all the time. Being tired all of the time leads to dark circles under your eyes. Dark circles under your eyes lead to self-loathing about the way you look and self-loathing about the way you look leads to depression. From there the cycle just perpetuates itself.
• Don’t go into panic mode. So many women think they must get married by a certain age. This is false! When you get into I-have-to-get-married-now panic mode or my-biological-clock-is-ticking mode, you feel that you’ll never find the one you’re supposed to be with - and you’ll worry that when you do you’ll screw it up (and you will) because you’re in panic mode! Then you fall into the trap of trying to impress every potential date, causing you to lose your identity, causing you to become depressed, and you know the rest. Just don’t even go there.
• Take your mind off the relationship craze. Join a gym. Go out with your girlfriends and gossip about other people’s relationship problems and just be glad that you don’t have them yet. Take up an instrument. Do volunteer work. Go ahead and sing that song like you’ve got a man that loves you that much, too. Do you have your honeymoon planned out? Yeah I thought so. OK, so why don’t you go? Summer in Tahiti sounds brilliant. You don’t really need a “true love” to enjoy that honeymoon that you’ve always dreamed of. Just take some dark chocolate instead.
• When you think you might actually have found that special someone, don’t go falling in love so quick that you lose your head. Love is blind so learn all you think you’d ever need to know about him - as far as what kind of guy he really is - before you fall head over heels. Otherwise you’ll just excuse every quirk about him, think he’s a great guy, only to find too late that those “quirks” were actually catastrophic character flaws that could potentially ruin your life.
• Do not, however, be so hard on guys that you set standards for them that are impossible to live up to. That’s a really quick way to get let down. You’re not perfect, so don’t expect him to be. Remember quirks are OK. Just make sure that’s all they are.
• Guard your heart. That’s pretty much self-explanatory. If you like a guy, at least figure out if feelings are mutual before you start planning the wedding and tagging on his last name with your first so you can see if it has a “ring” to it. We’re all going to be let down and hurt at some point in our lives. Let’s at least make sure it’s not of our own doing.
Lastly, ladies I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if it’s true that history repeats itself, well then we’re all out of luck. But hey, that’s life. If we have enough things going for us before we meet him though, it might not hurt so badly when he breaks our hearts. And who knows, maybe, just maybe when history does repeat itself, it will repeat a little bit more gently for us. Whatever the case is, you only live once. It’s really what you make of it.
Life is like a cake. Men are like frosting. Definitely a plus, but it’s OK without ‘em too.
Merry Christmas ladies!
*Originally printed in Bakotopia Magazine, Issue 16, 11 - 28 - 07
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Fri Nov 30, 2007 12:21:59 PST
hahaha.... bravo lady.... i am one of those girls scared of hardcore relationships.... but, not to the point where i am depressed or stressed about it...
all ladies need to remember there is never a shortage of applicants for the position, it's just a matter of finding one qualified for the job.
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