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Non-monogamy: The death of Valentine’s Day?
Topics: Loosie, Loosie Lovelace, sex, blog, 2008, Bakotopia
Posted by LoosieLovelace Mon Feb 4, 2008 13:30:26 PST
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Non-monogamy: The death of Valentine’s Day?
Bako’s resident sexpert suggests adding a little more than just sugar into your life for fun

By Loosie Lovelace, G.P., Bakotopia.com contributor

Everywhere I go lately, I see Valentine essentials: candy, flowers, diamonds, cards. I must admit that I take notice and peruse up and down the aisles.

But I just can’t seem to find what I’m looking for. Where's the freakin’ card proclaiming “Happy Valentines Day” from your lovers? And no need for the double take, that’s definitely a plural!

Although the true history of Valentine’s Day is almost as mysterious as a woman’s G-spot, it is common knowledge that the day originated as a saint holiday in the Catholic church. Now, typically one will not stop and think about it, but what do you usually do during valentine season? I used to go about looking for ways to please the one person that I was currently dating. However, throughout the past couple of valentine seasons I’ve been in non-monogamous relationships and have had more than one romantic partner. Do I or don’t I celebrate?

I actually hesitated the first year in celebrating a Valentine’s Day in a non-monogamous relationship. Despite that I preach open expression and firmly believe one should do what he or she deems right and not what others think, I could not help but feel that I should not be one of the people celebrating Valentine’s Day. I always saw the day as emphasizing one-on-one partnership and reinforcing conservative values. Again, not to say that this is a bad thing or a wrong thing, but I felt alienated. I wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day in bulk!

Personally, I enjoy a joyously slutty, safe-sex lifestyle and I enjoy the fulfillment I find in non-monogamous relationships. Special rules and circumstances need to be taken into consideration, but it’s about breaking the restrictive mold that has been placed upon us by a more or less conservative society. I enjoy the freedom to be intimate with who I desire.
Some may call me and people that embrace the same values sluts, nymphos or whores.  And yes, I will make the bold statement that people who have non-monogamous relationships do so because they enjoy the comfort of a stable partner and the excitement of intimacy. However, open communication and honesty are key when indulging in relationships such as these. In my experience, laying down boundaries in a consensual manner has ensured a mutually pleasurable experience for all parties involved (meaning you don’t go off and ditch a partner you have plans with to screw another).

My partners and I see it as this: we are modern-day adults who enjoy not just the company of one, but the company of many. From our experiences, becoming intimate with a few, select people has helped to shape us into the sexually independent people you see (or read of) today.

Now, I’m not suggesting that one go off and start a harem, but I do suggest thinking about the possibility of expanding your sexual circle. Keeping options open to different forms of intimacy can be beneficial to any relationship. By consistently discussing desires and values, one has the opportunity to lay a substantial foundation for a non-monogamous relationship. You get to know this person inside and out … what their attractions and turn-ons are, allowing for the relationship to evolve everyday.

So, to all non-monogamous couples out there in Bakotopialand, I have been celebrating my valentine season in bulk! Last year, I was only involved with two partners. We decided that we should celebrate Valentine’s Day by having dinner and a relaxing evening of conversation. It was fantastic and a great way to get to know the other person with whom your partner has an intimate relationship. And I encourage all of the people who have been entertaining the idea of being in a non-monogamous relationship to try it! You may find that it’s quite rewarding and exciting!

Love,

Loosie…

Is your sex-life suffering? E-mail Loosie your questions at: loosie.lovelace@gmail.com (don’t worry, we’ll keep it anonymous if you like, don’t be shy!)

Originally printed in Bakotopia Magazine, issue 20, 2-7-08

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Comment From: AnnieLWhite

you know who is the shit? hugh hefner. omg. talk about living the american dream. holly crap i love that dude & his playboy life. genius!