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Crushed Velvet Bako Underground
Topics: swingers, Bakersfield, Sex Club, Bakotopia
Posted by Bakontributor Mon Feb 4, 2008 13:46:03 PST
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Crushed Velvet Bako Underground
Curiosity gets local sucked into a strange night of sex club initiation shenanigans... What the?

By Troy Dredge, Bakotopia.com contributor

Disclaimer: names have been changed to protect the innocent and cuckoo.

Dear reader, it is time shared with you a tale about Bakersfield’s sexual perversity and group dynamics. It is up to you to discern which parts of my story are real or fiction.

It starts with a suave and debonair man about town - me.

Word got out that I was a connoisseur of the outré and unusual. Over time, members of a secret Bakersfield adult “sex club” would approach me with promises of all sorts of perverse delights through their well-connected network. Tentative e-mails of gatherings would reach me, to which I would be whisked away blindfolded to secluded mansions for sybaritic evenings.

My contact person Sapphire assured me that this was no “Lords of Bakersfield” entrapment and that the people involved were all consenting adults who led otherwise mundane lives - and that anything that occurred at these gatherings would be kept private. Sadly, I was to find that this bunch was all talk and no action.

Many e-mails later, to which I was asked countless personal questions with no quid pro-quo, I told Sapphire that the moment of truth had arrived and that if her group was on the level, that the dog-and-pony show had to commence. Sapphire assured me that her group was 100 percent serious, and that a “play party” was scheduled for this coming weekend night.

“However!” she said over the phone, “There is an initiation that everyone in our group must go through in order to attend … don’t worry, it is safe and relatively harmless!” she assured me.

The initiation would take place not in some musty alcove, but - I kid you not - in an Oildale pizza parlor private conference area!

After meeting Sapphire, who brought along a rather plump little old lady, we took our seats in a room surrounded by windows. Anybody picking up their 12-inchers for the night’s TV sports game could look in unfettered on our most private conversations.

“Now, I want you to meet our group’s unofficial mascot Mildred,” Sapphire nodded to the smiling old woman. “We have a little something that everyone who wants to join our group must go through in order to participate. Mildred here has a thing she calls ‘basketball-ing.’ All she does is put her hand in your mouth for a few minutes - don’t worry, she brings her own latex glove to make sure that everything is clean and sterile!”

Mildred dug into her purse and produced a pair of green latex gloves encased in cellophane. Opening the package, she put on the gloves with the flourish of a stage magician, snapping them with undisguised delight.

Figuring that I had to uphold my part of the bargain, I opened wide as I possibly could as Mildred stuck her paw comfortably in my gaping maw. People going by - and only one curious child who stopped to look - would assume I was having an emergency dental exam.

Mildred kept her hand in my mouth.

“My, that’s good,” she said. “This really is good. It’s good!”

The minutes dragged by and the excess saliva from my mouth threatened to drool onto my shirt.

“There! We’re done!” Mildred exclaimed, removing her gloves and discarding them in a nearby trash can.

“Very good!” Sapphire said. “Now, be sure to answer your next e-mail and I’ll be sure to take you to our next group activity!”

Sapphire left with the glowing Mildred.

I then ordered a submarine sandwich at the counter. The exasperated cook informed me that they had run out of bread a long time ago.

I didn’t go to the party.

Originally printed in Bakotopia magazine, issue 21, 2-7-08

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Comment From: AnnieLWhite

damn! hahah omg im speechless. Comment From: BOLTAR828

OH MY GOOOODDD,YOU GOT SPUNKED !! Comment From: Chase

Just wow.