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I DON'T want casual sex BUT long term bond w/attached female - M4W
Topics: Cybersex, sex, Dobbler, Bakotopia, personal, comedy, Bakersfield, bakobit
Posted by dobbler Thu May 17, 2007 16:18:13 PDT
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0 responses 7 comments

First off, this ain't my ad.

I was scrolling through the MOST POPULAR link section, featured at Bakotopia.com when I found this poor bastard's plea for affectionate attention. I had to re- type this featured post of his... every letter of it. Why? Because apparently the folks over at Bakotopia have elected to disable the copy and paste option regarding their featured posts. Probably something to do with privacy and or defamation. Either way it was well worth the work involved. Besides, I needed something to do and someone to f**k with. So for this occasion, I will not drink my ritual Tuesday morning beer... I'll settle for a Jack and Coke. And yes kid-ees, I will add to it my take on what is really going on behind all this sappy groveling. You see, there will no doubt, if it has not happened already, be some ill-fated female that will beckon to this square's call for lack of love. I see it as my patriotic duty to transcribe this guy's dim witted poetry in order to expose the truth. He is so full of sh** that it makes me want to proclaim February "National Moustache Awareness Month" and start all over again.

I DON'T want casual sex BUT long term bond w/attached female - m4w

Honestly, I'm a bit nervous and embarrassed even writing this ad. You see, I'm NOT looking for just quick, emotionless or casual sex, because I'm not that kind of a guy, but rather need to feel comfortable first with whomever I might later end up getting intimate with. Yes, I am in search of (safe) sexual encounters and I'm married, so technically that makes me "unfaithful" (whatever that means in such a non-monogamous culture). But I am also aware enough of my own feelings to know that I'm not looking for a one-night stand. I AM looking for a woman who also has been missing passionate love in her marriage/ltr, enjoys being with someone who matches her need for affection and can give herself emotionally to a bond that won't undo either her or my marriage/ltr over it.

Transcribed... Honestly, I'm a guy and will settle for p**** any which way I can have it. Old, Young, Wet, Hairy, Blown Out, or Cute as a Button. What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic. I need to feel comfortable first, before getting intimate, this way I know we're in it together and this line of thinking will save me the rape charge you may slap on me, because I'm really just a f***ing ding bat. I'm happily married yet bored with my wife blah, blah ,blah. There is no such thing as "really real" cheating... since we live in such a non- monogamous culture... whatever that means. Let's practice safe sex because... I don't know, because maybe we owe our spouse's that much. I need someone in the same shoes, yadda, yadda, yadda... let's try our best to "not" f**k and fall in love as that could possibly ruin our Happy marriages at home.

So I wish to have a romantic, intimate, on-going connection with a married/attached woman, who is (as I am) a HAPPY person at heart, even while looking for a more romantically stimulating and erotically fulfilling love life, but can do seperately and independently from her marriage/ltr with a sexually liberal mind-set. Being (otherwise happily) married/committed is required, so we both have the same thing to lose, know equally well how much or little we can realistically expect, how discreet we have to be and how much we need to be able to trust each other with our secret.

Transcribed...

So I wish to coax you into an act of adultery. I will f**k you and go home to my wife where I will sit with a smile on my face that she thinks is meant for her, and your husband can roll around in my dried up cum. Yeah, every once in a while he may jump your ass for not washing the sheets after your guys' ritual romantic rendevous... big deal, he doesn't know... it's our little secret remember. Here is my little contract titled discreet? Yes or No... Circle one. Now sit on my face. Keep in mind we both have the same thing to lose. Besides, keeping secrets from loved ones can be fun... it's been a hobby of mine ever since I was a young altar boy at Garces. (Bakersfield Catholic School).

I know the chances of finding a woman who is (as I am) also in her thirties or forties, weight-height proportionate, physically active, good-looking, upbeat & positive and in a similar, erotically-frustrating marital/committed situation as I am, are slim to none, but I have to try. I desire more intimacy that I have at home, but I'm not going to be content with just quick casual sex. I want to get to know you, express my sensuality with you before it dies inside me, cuddle, touch, kiss and tangibly love you. If that's what you are seeking too, please write, let's share our current photos with each other and meet at a public location for food or drink. If there is chemistry between us, we can decide how to proceed from there at whatever pace we're both comfortable with. Your photo for mine.

Transcribed... I know my chances are slim to none... Hell, I can't even get laid at home for piss sakes. But I've got to try. I desire to have butt sex, I want to cuddle, touch and kiss your hiney along with all the other related intangibles. If you want to give up the bootey please write. I have a picture, it kind of looks like last months Men's Health cover model, but trust me... it's me. We can go out sometime, I'll throw a burger down your throat and allow you to suck my d*** behind the ice cream bar in Rite-Aid. If we do in fact hit it off... I might break the bank and take you out for some AM PM cheeseburgers the following week, just not on Sunday as my wife and I will be in attendance at our church where I am head Deacon and supervise the Nursery. I'll let you determine our pace, hey, I'm just as much in this for your needs as I am mine.

I am completely open to meeting a woman from ANY race and culture, while I myself am a white/caucasian man.

I have got an equal opportunity hard on, but keep in mind I only pack the standard white boy issue... Honestly, I wouldn't be doing this if I had the balls to tell my wife I love her and help guide her to the areas where it feels good. I hope you can respect my decision to go foreward with this inescapable plea... foregoing all nervousness and embarrassment and just appreciate the fact that I am a coward who married the first girl to bed me.

"On a serious note, this guy needs help... a marriage counselor, a stern talking to, or just some balls in general. I wish him well in his pursuit to fill the void... only I see his road ending in a bad seperation suit... alimony? child support? dental maintenance when hubby catches him in the act"?

"Good Grief"!

Heath Dobbler

http://dobblersdrunkcorner....

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Comment From: twinkie

Good to know I'm not the only one who likes beer for breakfast. he. Dr. Dobbler, you should be a counselor/pyschiatrist! Dr. Dobbler hehe that sounds kinda funny. Comment From: woofwoof

Translation::: I want sex,but don't want to pay a hooker for it.:) Comment From: twinkie

I hate paying hookers too! :) Comment From: spud

Battlestar Galatcia just dealt with this very issue! OK yeah, I admit it, I'm a geek. But a sensitive one since I watch Galatica. But seriously, yeah. I just don't know what to say about that ad. It's been up for a while. In an open community you have to be open to everyone's ... um ... needs. Comment From: matt

This is hilarious...but so true in so many ways! Comment From: tekwiz

Ahh, the realities of what is said and what is implied. Truly hilarious take on that. Look forward for more of that. I'll have my Southern and 7 at the ready... Comment From: tashkajones

haha... i read this in the mag at my brothers graduation... i couldn't stop laughing through your whole translation... awesome!! -B