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A Triumphant Project
Local young author offers hope to those who suffer from depression through writing


By Loren John Presley, Bakotopia.com contributor

When I was diagnosed with autism at 14, I began to see myself in a new light.

I had discovered that I had a neurological disorder that caused me, my friends and family much confusion as I was growing up. But at least now I knew what it was called! I finally had an explanation for the reason I felt like I stood out in the world.

But I was not discouraged - at least not at first.

I had always known something about me was unique. From an early age, I had trouble empathizing with other people. Some of my schoolmates gave me weird looks, and my teachers could never get me to remember my assignments. I decided that this was just the way I was. No matter what, I was going to be ambitious and be my own hero.

One of my fondest retreats was within my creativity. I had always loved to write stories, among my favorite obsessions brought on by autism. I would become absorbed in my creativity. I honed my skills endlessly. I looked up to my characters, who reflected my hopes and desires to be successful and accepted.

But soon after I was officially diagnosed with autism, something even bigger hit me: clinical depression brought on by a chemical imbalance in my brain.

I found myself deeply grieved as I had never previously known. I could no longer do things I once loved. I was tired, restless, and deeply afraid. I looked at my face in the mirror and saw a bleak, dreary expression. My eyes were red and bloodshot with grief. My brow was crumpled and my frown was severe. Gray saggged under my eyes. I didn’t recognize myself anymore.



I wanted to regain the joy I once had. I wanted my stories to make me happy once again. I wanted my characters to give me hope. But it was all to no avail. I no longer had any control of my emotions. My mood worsened as months past. I even suffered a mild psychotic episode in which I was afraid my life was going to be taken from above.

Finally, I hit absolute zero. I gave up my joys ... I deleted my stories and threw away my illustrations until I had lost everything I had worked for! But I hadn’t. Hope endured.

With good medicine, hard prayer, and that dim spark of hope left in me, my mood gradually improved. Soon I was rewriting my stories once again. I didn’t care about what I had lost. I found my joy renewed!

If there’s one thing I know as a young adult with autism and depression, it’s to always have hope! Never surrender! Just believe, and the victory will be yours!

— Loren John Presley is the author of “The Anastasia Project” a young reader’s chapter book available at Russo’s Bookstore, Barnes and Noble, and Amazon.com. His second book is expected to be published in December 2008.

Also printed in Bakotopia magazine, issue 35, 8-21-08