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CONTEST IS OVER! WIN FREE TIX! Comedian Carlos Mencia LIVE at The Fox! May 8!
Topics: Carlos Mencia, Free Tix, contest, Bakersfield, Bakotopia, May, 2009, Fox Theater
Posted by Bakontributor Mon Apr 27, 2009 17:14:33 PDT
Viewed 509 times
0 responses 16 comments Location: 2001 H Street, Bakersfield, CA 93301

CONTEST IS OVER!
PLEASE CHECK UR E-MAIL TO SEE IF U WON!
THANKS FOR ENTERING! MORE CONTESTS ON THE WAY!

CARLOS MENCIA
LIVE!
FRIDAY, MAY 8!
  BAKERSFIELD FOX THEATER
ALL WINNERS WILL RECEIVE:
TWO (2) TICKETS TO THE CONCERT!
HERE'S HOW TO WIN!

-You must have a Bakotopia profile to enter. If you haven't got one, sign-up! It's EASY!

-Sign In to Bakotopia with your username. Don't forget to fill-in your profile!

-Post a public comment below to this post, and give us a joke! It doesn't have to be a clean one either - make me laugh, please!

-Make sure your username is public, so we know who you are.

**Must be 18 or older to enter & win. Bakersfield & Kern County Residents Only! No employees or family of The Bakersfield Californian and it's affililiates may participate.

To buy tix - visit: www.vallitix.com

GET YOUR NEW FREE ISSUE OF BAKOTOPIA MAGAZINE TODAY! CLICK BELOW TO FIND A FREE RACK NEAR YOU!

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Comment From: tekgrl

"I'm sorry Mr. Jones, your HMO does not pay for enemas so I'm going to have to slap the shit out of ya" Comment From: YourMothersFavoriteActionFigure

A young woman and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the baby and screams in horror. The woman, furious, marches to the back of the bus to sit down. As she sits, a man asks,"Are you ok?" The lady replies,"That bus driver just insulted me. I should go up there and give him a piece of my mind!" The man says,"You do that. And I'll look after your monkey." Comment From: Bitchbert

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on an airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles. "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Comment From: hgentry

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" GOD says, "So you would like them." "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" GOD says, "So they would love you!" Comment From: ADAKC

A man and his wife go into a bar for a couple of drinks. The woman goes to the bartender and orders her drink, then sits and waits for it to be made. A man comes up and says, "Excuse me, miss but you're extremely beautiful and if I don't ask you this I'll simply die.. Can I kiss you?" "No!", she screamed, "I'm going to tell my husband and he's going to beat you senseless!" "Okay, okay," he said. "How about licking your boobs?" "WHAT?! I'm going to tell my husband and he's going to kill you!" "Fine fine, I understand. How about if I hold you upside down, pour beer in you and drink out of you like a cup?" She stormed up to her husband, purple with rage. "What's wrong?" he asked. "A guy just asked me if he could kiss me!" she screamed. "I'll beat him senseless!" he said. "Wait, there's more. He also said he wanted to lick my boobs." "I'll kill him!" he said. "Wait, there's more." she said. "He also said he was going to hold me upside down and pour beer in me and drink out of me like a cup!" Her husband then sat down and looked at her solemnly. "Baby," he said, "I can't kick anyone's ass that can drink that much beer." Comment From: LUV2INNOCENT4U

THERE WAS A CUCUMBER, A PICKLE, AND A PENIS SITTING AROUND TALKING ABOUT HOW THERE LIVES SUCKED. THE CUCUMBER SAYS "MAN, MY LIFE SUCKS. WHEN I GET BIG, FAT, AND JUICEY, THEY CUT ME UP AND STICK ME ON A SALAD." THE PICKLE LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS, "YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD? WHEN I GET BIG, FAT, AND JUICY, THEY STICK ME IN VINEGAR, PUT SPICES ON ME, AND STICK ME IN A JAR. "THE PENIS LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS, "YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT ROUGH? WHEN I GET BIG, FAT, AND JUICEY, THEY STICK A RUBBER STRAP ON MY HEAD, STICK ME IN A DARK ROOM, AND BANG MY HEAD AGAINTS THE WALL UNTIL I THROW UP ALL OVER MYSELF AND PASS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Comment From: amarchand

BULL FROGS: A woman went into a Pet Store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune."Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs! "Blowjobs?" the woman replied."It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and, if proven true, no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your butt is gone." Comment From: amarchand

The difference between having Guts and having Balls... Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" Balls- is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next." Comment From: RamonZamoraJr

i was at the swap meet the other day.or as i like to call "tijuana land".{laughter]seriously, if you have ever step foot into a swap meet you know what i'm talking about.your walking around you know, looking at all the stereo equipment the merchants stole. its funny because they don't even make a effort to hide the fact that they stole half the stuff there. all the stereos have all the wires sticking out and reminds you of that one time your junkie friend came to your house and tried selling you a stereo at 3 o clock in the morning.. oh that hasn't happend to you? oppps. anyways, all thats really missing at the swap meet to give you the total tj experience is the little kids running around for money. have you ever gave a kid money in tj? maaaan, biggest mistake of yoour life. seriously, not the biggest mistake of your day.. OF YOUR LIFE. if you give a kid money in tj he will run and tell his whole familly and friends "theres this idiot giving away money". they will follow you the whooole day until you leave. literally man, they will beg you while your in line to get out of tj. no shame those kids man.... i hate lines man. especially at amusement parks. i was at six flags awhile ago and man... two hour long lines. it really sucks because they have this funny format for lines. its like broken down into little sections of zip zag lines that lead to another section of zip zag lines. its like "just gimme a straight line man."

Comment From: hyphykiiid

how do you know when your in a gay church? - when only half the church gets on their knees. a man and woman are having sex the night they went camping in a forest,after 15 minutes, the guy finally stands up and says, damn, i wish i had a flashlight, and the woman says:" yeah, me too, youve been eating grass for the past 10 minutes." Comment From: candacehart81

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product? She says, Yes.. My husband and I use it all the time. And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for? 'We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex? The woman says, I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out. Comment From: lupe123

hahaha i got one that'll make you say ewww....... There were two men at the bar, one had too much to drink the other was sober. They get ready to leave and get in the car....the sober man says to the drunk man "do you wanna drive?" And the drunk man says "ok" So he lets him drive...he puts it in first, then second, then third. They get home and the drunk man says "i never droke stick before" and the sober man turns and looks at him and says "my cars automatic" ewww right? hahahahahahaha ;) Comment From: lovelygrl

There is a new study about how women feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat...10% of women think their ass is is too skinny...60% of women say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world! Comment From: BOLTAR828

YOU'R RIDING A HORSE FULL-SPEED,A GIRAFFE IS BESIDE YOU AND YOU'R BEING CHASED BY A LION,,WHAT DO YOU DO ????????YOU GET YOU'R DRUNK ASS OFF THE CAROUSEL...IDIOT!!! Comment From: lbar10

Breaking News... All little girls with pigtails will not be allowed in school on Monday. First Swine Flu joke It's a sick joke but that what we do in crisis joke about it!!! Comment From: twinkie

There were three guys, an American, a Canadian, and Carlos Mencia. They had been travelling for days and were very, hungry. They came across a farm that had hundreds of fruits. While they were eating, the funny farmer came out and caught them. The farmer said: “Since I’m in a good mood today, I won’t kill you and your mamas… If you stuff 100 of your favorite fruit up your ass without laughing. The American was up first. He chose cherries as his favorite fruit. He got up to 78 and burst out laughing. So the funny farmer shot him with his best shotgun. The Canadian was next and chose grapes. He got up to 92 but started laughing so the farmer killed him too. When the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed. They both replied, “We saw Carlos Mencia with watermelons.”