The Gerbil was hunched over moaning in her cubicle, The Man was nearby talking to Slow Poke and asked her what was the matter ...
Gerbil: My stomach hurts, I think I have an ulcer. How do you know if you have an ulcer?
CD: You cough up blood.
The Man: *Laughs* Why do you think you have an ulcer, do you complain a lot?
Gerbil: I complain and stress all the time, what other symptoms will tell me if I have an ulcer?
CD: Just WebMD
The Man laughs again.
Gerbil: Oh, oh, it hurts! I want to go home and curl up in bed in my 500 tc sheets.
CD: It might be IBS
Gerbil: No, it can't be. All I ate was yogurt and juice.
CD: Yogurt can trigger IBS.
Gerbil: But I'm not, what is it ... I can drink milk.
CD and The Man: That doesn't matter.
CD: Maybe it's gas. Okay, I'm at WebMD, what are your symptoms?
Gerbil: Like cramping in my tummy, but behind my belly button, they aren't period cramps. It's not exactly a cramping it's like a sharp pain.
So I select the following symptoms for the lower abdomen area: Muscle cramps or spasms (painful), pain or discomfort, and pulsating sensation.
Then I begin to read off the conditions associated with the symptoms:
CD: Muscle strain, aneurysm in the belly, constipation, gas pains, gastroenteritis, irritable bowel syndrome, panic attack, UTI, endometriosis, intestinal ischemia, kidney stones, appendicitis, worms, bladder stones, cervicitis, colon cancer.
CD: See, IBS or gas, like I told you.
Gerbil: It can't be, it's an ulcer, or a miscarriage. All I ate was yogurt and juice.
CD: What kind of juice?
CD: It's gas, orange juice and dairy ... not the best combination. Orange juice is acidic, it'll give you gas.
Gerbil: Good, then that means my baby is okay.
CD: You mean your imaginary baby?
Obviously. Then she bent over again and moaned.
CD: Here I've got some gas pills in my purse.
Gerbil: What will they do to me?!
CD: Get rid of you gas. It's just extra strength gas relief. I take them when I'm gassy.
Gerbil: Okay, I just want one. Is it going to make me fart?
Chatty: Better take it at lunch!
Gerbil: I'm going to take it right now and start pointing my finger!
Good times in the land of cubicle dwellers.