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Dear Dr. Bangladesh,

For $900 a month I would expect to be treated with at least a little respect ... and really all that would have entailed for you to treat me with respect would have been for you to have one of your nurses call me when you denied my prescription refill request due to the fact that I have never seen you as my primary care physician since I was just recently assigned to you and didn't realize I had to come see you when I wasn't sick.

Had I known that you wanted me to skip on down for a friendly chit chat I'd of happily paid my $15 to tell you my rollarcoaster life story in exchange for refills on medication I have been taking for the past 3.5 years.

Instead, 5 days after my call to the automated refill line, the pharmacy informed me that my request had been denied by you, 4 days earlier - plenty of time for me to come in for a visit before I ran out of pills.

Now, the pharmacist understands the urgency and need for me not to cold turkey my beloved "Help me get out of the house each morning and face the world without having massive anxiety attacks - go to sleep without my mind racing all night" Klonopin (a 'highly potent' benzodiazepine). They sent me running to your nurses station.

Even your nurses understood the urgency and went scrambling through my records to see why in the world you would do such a thing after they realized you had just left the building 10 minutes earlier and looked at me with apologetic eyes as they told me you could see me at 10 am tomorrow.

They know what I'm looking forward to tonight and tomorrow ...

Sweating, chills, hot flashes, heart palpitations, dry mouth, stiff jaw, stomach pain, body aches, nausea, dizziness, tremors, anxiety attacks, insomnia, jitters, and more.

Last week I experienced these symptoms for the first time when I forgot my bottle of Klonopin at work - I had taken it with me so I wouldn't forget to call in the refill ... it said allow 48 hours ... I gave it 5 days. I told myself I would never do that again - well, thanks to you I get to feel like a junky one more time.

Hopefully a combination of a muscle relaxer and NyQuil will put me to sleep and keep me asleep ... I look forward to meeting you tomorrow for the very first time and please forgive me if I'm a little aggravated and irritable.

When I first began this job I was offhandedly warned about one particular person we deal off who can come off as hard to handle.  We all have one of those, right?  I keep mine organized by putting a little red flag next to their name in my directory.

This one in particular is very demanding, and never appears to be grateful, or thankful that I spend hours reassembling packets and photocopying what she wants added in for her trainings.  Mind you none of the other trainers make demands or requests about what should be added or taken out of these packets that I hand assemble ahead of time and keep them in high supply so they are ready to be shipped out when needed.

Today she emailed me the mother of all emails and had there been anyone else in the office right now they would have heard me yell, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" at my computer monitor.

*****

Hi Overworked Underpaid Office of One Dweller,

I wanted to follow up with you about the trainings while it was fresh in my mind.

When I do a 2 day training, I need a training packet too. Is it better to send me a copy ahead of time to my home, or include one extra copy with my other paperwork in the shipments to the ** ? Either way, please remember that the trainer needs a training packet too. I need to have the same handouts, in the same colors, as the people I am training. I do not need an ** in my packet, as I bring one with me anyway.

There are so many pieces of paper in the packet, that I feel it needs to be placed in a pocket folder. Could you figure out the cost of adding "teal" or green colored pocket folders, and see if you are able to do this? In our **, we can order a package of 10 for $3. So we are probably talking about a cost of less than $10 by adding the pocket folders, and this would be a really nice professional touch.

What are the costs of the thin beige and green conference pens? (not the fat pens; the other ones we usually have in our pocket folders during the ** training?

Thanks for you help.

Royal PITA (Pain in the ass)

*****

Gosh, at least I got a "thanks" this time.  My boss is on a much needed vacation and I do not feel I need to disturb him until he returns, so here is the much edited PC response I sent Royal PITA:

*****

Our restroom has 3 stalls, the first you have to be careful to latch it correctly - I found this out one afternoon when I pushed the door open to see a woman sitting on the toilet texting someone. As I took my seat in the middle stall she began explaining through the partition that it was a tricky latch and "some people read books while they use the toilet, I text people", okay ... I did not need to know that.

The 3rd stall is the handicap stall, so unless the other two are occupied I won't use that one.

The middle stall, the stall I landed in that afternoon has an exploding toilet. The white porcelain bowl looked harmless enough until I stood up, zipped up, and then flushed it with my foot ... BLOOOSH BLOOSH BLOOOOSH!!!!! GURGLE GLUGGLE!!!!! and there I stood covered in toilet mist. You know how many germs and bacteria are in that lovely Eau de Toilette? Enough to make your skin crawl if you suddenly feel wet mist on your lips.

For some reason I continued using that stall, even when the 1st was not occupied ... the previous tenant's conversation led me to believe it didn't lock. So each trip, I'd stand, zip up, open the door, stretch my leg as far as it would reach, turn my head away from the toilet, then flush with my foot and bolt toward the sinks.

After maybe 2 or 3 weeks I once again visited the restroom and since the middle stall was occupied I decided to use the 1st stall. I was elated to find that the door does indeed lock, the latch just needs a bit of lubrication and you have to make sure to shut the door all the way.

So I can finally use the toilet and not have to do a crazy balancing act and duck like a mad fool every time I flush.

Well I'm movin' on up! Movin' on up! To a dee-luxe office in the sky! I'm movin' on up! To the east side! Movin' on up! I've finally got a piece of the pie!!!!

After a nice summer break of traveling, hanging by the pool, floating down the river, and being a lady of leisure, I was called for a job interview. Frankly I didn't want to bullshit anyone, I wanted to make sure wherever I landed, it would be a good fit - so I was very blunt during the interview and when asked what I would like about this job I stated, "Let me tell you what I don't like in an office and we'll go from there ..."

A week later I received a phone call from the head of HR and was offered the position with my new boss on speaker phone.

I now have an office - with 4 walls, a window with a view, and a door! I work with a very small group of people, my job will take me out of state a few times a year for a week at a time, and in the last 3 weeks that I've been there I've apparently made an impression on people I haven't even realized I would have impressed - including the man who had signed the letter accompanying my pink slip.

My boss and co-worker regularly ask if I'm happy, or say they hope I'm happy, and on Friday's my boss has asked if I'll be back Monday and even has told me go home early due to my apparent efficiency. I don't know who was working for him before but apparently the bar was set pretty low and he tells me the last time he had a good assistant was 20 years ago, and I'm even better than she was.

Friday I found several mistakes on forms, in databases, and missing documents in files, I pointed them out to my boss and then corrected them - he said, "Oh that just gets me, see, your predecessor was just being lazy! You are so efficient, and I'm sure you won't ever have these problems, you are perfect!"

Uh-oh ... I stopped dead in my tracks, turned back to him and replied, "I'm not perfect, I will make mistakes, trust me". I was dead serious, but he just chuckled.

I'm so thankful for this job, it is for a wonderful organization, I enjoy the work, and have interns that I manage who are supposed to do the "grunt work" for me ... though I guess I am a little too efficient and need to begin saving work for them to do. I am also ENCOURAGED to listen to music in my office and my boss is not a clock watcher.

The day before I began my job I was given a fortune cookie with my lunch. The little slip inside read, "You will have a good job, with a comfortable salary" ... I'm going to frame that and hang it on one of my walls.

A coworker just asked me that - I looked around, smiled and replied, "Me and my imaginary friends"

She laughed ... I wasn't joking. 

Nearly 2 years ago I posted that "Cubicle Does Not Begin With P"

The mystery smell has returned - and again I have visions of janitors having crazy after parties in between these claustrophobic walls.  Realistically I am beginning to think that maybe it has something to do with the air conditioning unit in the building being turned on and I'm just ultra sensitive to the smell.

Just in case, I have already completely sanitized my entire work space, including my chair. 

What part of "TURN OFF THE BURNER WHE N YOU TAKE THE LAST CUP& nbsp;OF COFFEE" don't you understand?

Fortunately I have an uncanny sense of smell, smelt the burning coffee sludge remains, and saved another pot from cracking.

Drinking a Pepsi 3 months 11 days past it's best by date that you found in the bottom of your drawer and put in the fridge ovennight to at least cool it down.

Very little sizzle upon opening. 

Attention all personnel … this is a Pubic Service Announcement.  For the safety of all employees please refrain from trimming your pubic hair over the employee toilets.  There have been reports of injuries to other employees due to them balancing and hovering over the toilet seat to avoid having to have any contact of said pubic hair.